


Baby Talk

by Scorpius_Wears_Short_Skirts



Series: YCTH!Verse [14]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Asexual Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Blood, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Demon Deals, Domestic Fluff, Drag Queens, Drama, Egg Laying, Eggs, Established Relationship, Family Feels, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Hurt Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Hurt/Comfort, Kid Fic, M/M, Medical Trauma, Mild Blood, Mild Gore, Miscarriage, Monster Babies, Past Rape/Non-con, Period-Typical Homophobia, Period-Typical Sexism, Podfic Welcome, Protective Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), School, Soft Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Spider Babies, Temporary Character Death, Trans Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Trans Male Character, Voodoo, Weird Biology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:53:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 42
Words: 48,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23217316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scorpius_Wears_Short_Skirts/pseuds/Scorpius_Wears_Short_Skirts
Summary: After Angel throws a little birthday party for his pet pig, Alastor says something that opens up an old scar.
Relationships: Alastor/Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel)
Series: YCTH!Verse [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1569163
Comments: 430
Kudos: 977





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is mostly a ventfic and it doesnt get graphic. Just needed it out of my head.
> 
> Old medical practices were some fucked up shit. If you wanna make it worse listen to Miss Lucy Had Some Leeches by Emilie Autumn.

Only crazy people throw birthday parties for their pets. That's what Angel got to hear out of everyone he interacted with the day before as he picked out pig-themed napkins and paper plates and streamers. He almost bought balloons too but some weirdo kept trying to steer him toward exploding blood-filled ones and that wouldn't do. He'd keep those in mind for Alastor's birthday or deathday but Nuggets didn't need blood all over everything to have a good time.

He set the decorations up in the lobby of the Hotel, knowing Charlie and Niffty at least would match his enthusiasm. They in turn would drag Vaggie and Husk into it, and Alastor would go along with it too because a birthday party for an undead piggy was ridiculous enough to be right up his alley.

Nuggets was put up in a baby feeding chair and sung to, Charlie and Alastor going overboard with it because _of course._ The cupcake that they got after the song was made of pressed together meat and raw vegetables but had real frosting on it. After that Angel kissed them and put them on the floor to be free to play with a new jingling ball filled with treats. Nuggets had been put on a diet since they were starting to get too fat to waddle without their tummy dragging the floor, but they had trimmed up a bit and it was their birthday so just for the one day they got to eat whatever they wanted. This mostly consisted of the bits of real cake Alastor kept dropping on the floor because he prefered to walk around and do that rather than actually eat the sugary mess on his plate he'd been given.

Niffty was growing increasingly annoyed since while Nuggets was dutifully devouring everything that hit the floor, there were now multiple spots where icing had stuck into the lobby carpet. Husk repeatedly had to distract her to try getting her to relax and stop trying to clean

"Just give me the fuckin' cake if you don't want it. Niffty's gonna have a fit." Angel snickered when he caught Alastor pushing yet another bite sized piece of cake off his plate and onto the floor. "Nuggets fattened up so suddenly 'cuz of you, didn't they?"

"No one can prove that." Alastor deflected.

"Bullshit. They were a steady weight til we moved in with you." Angel pointed out. 

Alastor grinned wider, overturning his plate to drop what remained of his piece of cake on the floor with a soft splat. Nuggets shoved their whole face into it and Niffty shrieked in protest.

"Wow." Charlie huffed, equally amused and irritated.

"Go home!" Vaggie said sternly, deciding for everyone that the party was over.

"Clean up first. It's your damn mess." Husk added, having to physically hold Niffty back while she looked just about rabid.

Alastor laughed and Angel rolled his eyes, collecting dishes while his husband used magic to pull the stains free of the floor. He then came back to pick Nuggets up, patting their stomach as he always did after they ate.

"You treat them like a baby, almost." Alastor mused later on while they were on their home, holding Angel's hand as they walked while the rest of Angel's arms were occupied with the tired out sleeping pig.

"They _are_ my baby." Angel returned with a chuckle.

"You'd be a wonderful father." Alastor continued, not really having anywhere further to go with that thread of thought but so used to speaking freely with Angel that spare thoughts like that tended to just fall out of his mouth. He hadn't meant anything by it, but he didn't miss how Angel's face fell.

"Did you ever want kids?" Angel asked, his tone losing the humor it had held for most of the day.

"I never thought on it much. I knew it probably wouldn't happen given the... _way I am._ Not in the natural way, at least." Alastor shrugged. "I did enjoy being an uncle but Husk seemed certain I shouldn't be around children. I think my mother wanted me to have children more than I ever wanted them but I'm not opposed to the idea." Alastor explained, looking to Angel's hard-to-read face and finding himself lost. Usually Angel seemed so open. "Did you want children?"

"Don't fuckin' matter now, does it? We're dead." Angel huffed, letting go of his husband's hand and walking faster. 

Alastor wasn't sure what he'd said wrong.

Angel went to bed early, citing a migraine as his reasoning. He'd settled onto Alastor's overly large floor-cushion of a bed, tucked into the corner of the wall and curling up. Nuggets had settled behind his knees, deciding for Angel that the spider needed a naptime buddy and Angel was grateful for his pet's perceptiveness.

He only got a few minutes of rest before rain started audibly hitting the ceiling. Another few minutes and light flashed outside, followed seconds after but a rumbling roar of thunder. Angel covered his eyes and curled up tighter.

Most people who were afraid of storms hated the thunder. It was an old but deeply ingrained instinct of those people to avoid the loud growl from the sky. For Angel it was the lightning, the bright light and threat of wild electricity, that got to him. Too much light reminded him of hospitals, and even if he hadn't been hit by lightning the static that rippled his fur could be felt whenever it got too close. He hated the shocks.

Nuggets noticed Angel tense and crawled over his legs and over to his face, and Angel gratefully covered his eyes in the pig's side. 

When Alastor came into the room a few hours later, hoping he had given Angel the time and space he needed, he instead found the spider crying in his sleep and holding onto Nuggets with such force that he was surprised the pig was just taking it instead of biting and running. 

Alastor kicked his shoes off to step onto the bed, walking slowly toward Angel even when Nuggets let out a low warning squall that almost managed to sound like a growl. Alastor ignored the warning, instead prying Angel's claws off of the pig who wriggled out of the hold. Angel whined, not waking, so Alastor shook him gently as he recognised the signs of a nightmare.

Lightning flashed in the window, and without Nuggets to shade his face Angel's secondary eyes were unable to ignore the light. He shot upright, quickly scrambling away from Alastor and glaring at him without a hint of recognition.

"Get the fuck off me!" Angel hissed and kicked Alastor away.

Angel's back hit the wall and he curled up defensively, guarding his face with one set of arms while the second set seemed focused on defense of his stomach. He was shaking and crying now, and Alastor lamented the fact that he had grown a sense of empathy since sharing so much time with the other.

"Angel, you're safe." Alastor called, but didn't try to touch the other again. "No one's going to hurt you here. You're with me."

" _Fuckin' doctors…_ " Alastor heard Angel mutter, clearly still caught in his memory rather than actually addressing the deer.

"How many arms do you have?" Alastor asked.

"Two. What kinda stupid question…?" Angel huffed, then noticed his multitude of hands and he looked back up at Alastor, actually seeing him now. "Shit."

"Bad day at the doctor's?" Alastor asked, going for light-hearted but falling short.

"So many bad days." Angel admitted. 

"Is it the storm?" Alastor asked, sealing the window with a shadow to block the light. 

"Part of it." Angel sighed, uncurling a bit. "It sure as fuck ain't helping."

"Is it what we talked about on the way home?"

Angel's eyes filled with tears, adding to the ones already staining a trail down his face. He nodded, covering his face and trying but failing to bite back a sob. He was shaking again even worse than before. 

"Hadn't even thought about it for almost fifty years…" Angel blubbered and Alastor knew he was missing some important detail that would probably make everything make more sense but he couldn't for the death of him figure out what.

Still, he managed to get Angel to calm enough to follow him downstairs to the basement where there were no windows and no outside noise. Once the door closed there was no sign of the storm at all as far as he could tell, but Angel could still feel the static in his fur.

"I couldn't remember much after the guy shoved a pick up in my eye…" Angel began, and Alastor didn't interrupt. "Couldn't think right. Forgot everything that wasn't happenin' in the moment." Angel let out a shaky breath. "When I died I remembered everythin'. All the shit I just let happen cuz I couldn't process anythin' at the time."

"It was out y' control."

"You know… If you say you're a boy and say you're gay but look how I did. A lot of people seem to think that means you're a lesbian." Angel said bitterly. "You know what they thought the cure for bein' a lesbian was?"

"I don' think I wannu know."

"Neither the fuck do I!" Angel snarled, then dropped his voice into something deeper as he tried to imitate a voice that wasn't his own. "They thought 'Just shove a dick in her. She'll learn to like it. She just doesn't know what she's missing.' Well I already liked cock I just didn't want--" He cut himself off, more tears and fear in his eyes. He covered his left, a phantom pain running through it. _"Fuck!"_

"Sha…" Alastor moved in closer to hold him, unsure of what else to do but needing to help. Angel quickly shrank away, not wanting Alastor to touch him now. "Should I call Molly?"

"Fuck no! This is the one thing she don't know about me. She don't need to know." Angel was quick to protest. "And thank fuck she never got caught like I did."

Angel crawled up the wall, tucking himself into a corner and pulling thick strands of silk from his mouth to start construction on a sort of loft where he could sit comfortably out of reach. Alastor watched him, pride apparent in his husband's skilled hands. Artist's hands, he knew, even if he never saw Angel draw. Angel bought sketchbooks and pencils every so often but then never used them and Alastor wondered where the will to do so had gone. Probably hidden under some other thing Angel had gone through in life. He'd gone through so much.

 _Too much._ Surely living was the real Hell for some people, as Angel seemed to find the world he was in after dying a relief.

Angel couldn't speak while spinning his web, but once he had a comfortable net to sit in he decided to finally share what had stirred up his emotions so badly. "Almost had a baby… Don't know whose it was. Was with a couple guys before the-" He clicked his tongue, miming the action of a hammer over his eye. "I don't think the doctors knew either but one of them was pretty sure it was his. He didn't like that. And he'd probably lose his job if someone higher up noticed he was rapin' the crazies. So he beat it outta me." Angel recounted, his eyes dull. 

"Dat's horrible." Alastor said quietly, unsure how else to react.

"When I was little I thought I would want kids when I grew up. And then I grew up and I still wanted kids I just didn't want them comin' out of me cuz that's fuckin' terrifyin' to think about. I didn't want to be pregnant _ever_ but after it happened and he did that to cover his own ass… I just wanted the option, you know? Probably still wouldn't've kept it if anybody bothered to ask. But everybody's makin' the choices _for_ me."

"I'm sorry…" Alastor said, at a loss.

"I'm used to it." Angel shrugged.

"Y' shouldn't be."

"Ain't nothin' for it now."

Alastor still wasn't sure what to do as they fell into a raw silence, so much more abrasive than the usual comforting quiet they had become accustomed to. 

"If you remember a name--" Alastor began to offer.

"Almost everybody in Hell's goin' by a new name and he's gotta look different as shit now. Don't bother." Angel huffed, kicking the wall to swing himself gently. 

"I'll jus' hafta kill all de doctors den." Alastor decided. "Dey can't be worth a shit at helpin' if dey down here."

"I don't _care_ anymore." Angel said dryly, though the sniffle did not go unnoticed. "I haven't thought about it for years. I don't know why it's got me fucked up now…" 

Alastor went to his desk and sat, opening his drawer of dolls to pull out Angel's. He couldn't touch him directly but the doll always seemed to help before when there was distance. Granted, the distance was usually greater than being a room apart, but Angel didn't protest when he could feel the gentle petting through the doll. He listened as Angel's breathing calmed, and brought forth a soft melody of an old piano into his ambience. 

Eventually Angel fell back asleep, soothed by the music and Alastor's gentle handling of the doll. Alastor waited, making sure he was in a more restful sleep before doing anything. He willed the shadows in the room into a ladder so he could reach the web without shifting and pressed gently at the edge of it. It seemed oddly strong enough to hold his deceiving weight so he crawled in, smiling honestly when Angel snuggled closer to him. 

"You're always safe with me." Alastor promised.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If there's a will there's a way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was honestly just going to be a oneshot but a few comments in Biology: Chapter 3 (link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23175166/chapters/55794082 ) asked about babies and I did some mental gymnastics to figure out how that might be able to work. Link to that chapter provided if you need extra context but its not totally necessary.

Angel didn't really think about having kids again until after the fall when Alastor had found the eggsac he'd laid. The eggs were unfertilized of course, since all Sinner's were dead and therefore sterile, but Alastor had seemed so willing to take care of any children he and Angel had even faced with the fact Angel laid around two hundred or so eggs at a time. It was sweet, if a little overboard, and it made Angel's mind keep circling around the _what ifs_ of the impossibility.

The thought of pregnancy itself was a nightmare even without the bad memories it brought forth. But the fun thing about eggs was they eliminated the need for pregnancy. At the worst, Angel just felt cramped and bloated as all fuck for a couple of days right before passing what essentially felt like a bunch of tiny, squashy marbles. Not much worse than a normal period and he had those almost every month. He didn't even need to keep all the eggs he laid. Just two would do, for the sake of twins, and the others could be crushed before anything in them even started forming. 

What could it be like to have a family like how he'd wanted to grow into as a kid? A loving husband and a pet he already had, but he'd wanted to be a dad too somewhere in the back of his mind. He already referred to himself as 'Daddy' when talking to or about Nuggets. Alastor had gone from being 'Nugget's other dad' to 'Papa Al' at some point in that slow way that made it hard to pinpoint when exactly it had happened. If how Alastor treated Nuggets was any clue, he'd probably spoil his children absolutely rotten. 

"Alastor?" Angel asked, and the fact that he hadn't shortened the name or used an endearment at all made it clear that a Serious Discussion was happening and it didn't matter at all that it was happening in the middle of cuddling through a marathon of Buster Keaton pictures.

"Are you alright?" Alastor asked, concerned.

"Yeah I'm fine…" Angel nodded. "Just been thinkin'."

"Oh?" Alastor straightened up from where he had been half tucked under Angel's upper arm, Angel's lower across his back. "What about."

"You took me layin' eggs real well. Better than I did the first time it happened, even. That's some weird shit if you ain't expectin' it. Shit, it's weird anyway."

"That was weeks ago." Alastor cocked his head curiously. "Does it bother you?"

"Not exactly?" Angel shruuged. "Layin' the fuckin' things is more of a bother than you being cool about it. But you got me thinkin'... If they weren't blanks… Would you want them to hatch?"

"Y' de one layin' 'em." Alastor pointed out. "Dat should be up to you."

"Just answer the fuckin' question babe." Angel huffed. "It's a hypothetical."

"Yes…" Alastor admitted quietly, though he quickly added "Maybe not two hundred."

"How about just two?"

"Dat'd be nice." Alastor conceded. "Two's a good number. But we're dead, sha. Ain't in our path."

"You ain't all human." Angel pointed out. "You might have a few swimmers in you."

"I thought dis was hypothetical." Alastor reminded. "Even if I _might_ , you're still death-sterile and I can't stand feeling messy that way." Alastor reasoned, pulling back into his radio accent. 

"We got a turkey baster in the kitchen and you get chores done sometimes." Angel pointed out. "That could solve one of those."

"But not the other." Alastor countered solemnly. "And please don't use our kitchenware for those sorts of things."

"Too late, babe." Angel said, trying to sound apologetic as he bit back a snicker.

"...Don't tell me what it was. Just please replace it." Alastor grumbled, flopping back under Angel's arm while Angel couldn't contain his laughter any longer.

Later, in the Hotel room Angel hadn't even used for ages, the spider tried to remember what Alastor had done the one time he'd seen his husband summon the Loa, Met Kalfu. He had rum set out, gunpowder stirred into it. He'd copied down a few symbols, veve, from a book Alastor kept in his room. He hoped they'd be enough drawn on paper, since he couldn't just bring them into being like Alastor could. The last thing Alastor had done was cut open his Deathmark, but Angel wasn't even completely sure what his was. His left eye was sort of one, the death of his mind, but his body had died during a seizure after an overdose and that didn't show up anywhere on his body. It had to be his eye, he decided.

He'd gouged a secondary eye before, he reminded himself as he tried to psyche himself up to do the same to his primary eye.

"Don't boder." A low voice sounded behind him, and Angel turned around quickly.

"Y' gon' call all sorts o' shit with dese." Kalfu chuckled, tearing up all but one of the the drawn veve apart. "If dey was drawn right, dat is." 

"I was just tryin' to call you."

"I know." Kalfu said, handing the untorn one back to Angel, "Dis de one you use fo' me. Y' should be mo' careful do. Y' lucky y' fam'ly now. I'da let'cha take y' eye out if y' wasn't. Should make y' do it anyway since y' sneakin' dis visit past my boy." 

"I'm…" Angel started, but at a stern look from the Loa he was quick to stop himself from lying. "Okay, yeah. I'm sneakin'. But it's 'cause I know he wouldn't let me do this if he knew."

"And what is dis dat y' tryin'a do?" Kalfu grinned, a reddish glow in his eyes and a sharpness to his grin that reminded him just where Alastor got that Look from. 

"You make deals right?"

Kalfu nodded once. 

"I want me and Al to be able to have kids and the problem's me." Angel explained. "I figure since you're his dad he could still be able to make a baby but I can only put out duds…"

"Y' tryin'a put out live eggs." Kalfu repeated, simplifying. "What'cha plan on losin? A deal goes both ways."

"You'd get grandkids?" Angel joked before he could stop himself.

Kalfu, luckily, saw the humor in it and laughed. "Not good enough. Dat ain't a _loss._ "

Angel wracked his brain to think of something, then extended the third set of arms he usually hid. "You want a few extra hands? I got some to spare."

"Tell y' what." Kalfu said, stepping closer and extending a set of long claws he hadn't had a second ago.

Angel shrank away instinctively, alarm bells ringing suddenly and loudly in his brain as Kalfu kept invading his space. Before he could process what was happening he'd been cornered, Kalfu's right claws cutting into his lower stomach. Tears stung in his eyes, much more than usual tears did as blood welled in his eyes as an effect of the direct contact.

"I'll grant y' dis favor and y' can owe me." Kalfu decided, not giving Angel the choice of accepting or declining before he was suddenly gone, the rum vanishing with him.

Angel fell to the floor as soon as Kalfu's claws left his body, and at a quick glance he noticed that there wasn't even a wound. He left the room quickly, ignoring the odd looks he got from Hotel staff and the random people he passed on the street as a strong sense of paranoia chased him. He made it home twice as quick as he typically did while walking, passing Alastor in the kitchen on the way to the bathroom.

Alastor caught him by the arm, but quickly released when Angel flinched. "You're bleeding." Alastor said as he brushed a finger under the spider's eyes. "What did you _do?"_


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Planning for the future by destroying part of your house is a great stress reliever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The characters do what they want at this point. I'm just pokin a keyboard tryina keep pace

Angel tried dodging the question, and Alastor altogether, but the deer had a very strong sense of smell and knew exactly what the burst tear ducts in both of Angel's primary eyes meant. Angel knew he couldn't get away with outright lying, and avoidance only worked if he actually could avoid his husband. 

"Last time you ran away from me instead of talking things out we, and our friends, nearly died." Alastor brought up another fair point. "Just tell me what you did. Did my father hurt you?"

"Only a little." Angel shrugged, crossing both sets of arms. "I think it was needed for the deal we cut. He did somethin' to my insides."

"You made a deal with--" Alastor cut himself off as he noticed his voice rising. He lowered it, knowing yelling would cause more problems than it solved. "What did he take?"

"Nothin' yet." Angel admitted. "Said I'd owe him." 

"Gon' give me a damn heart attack one day, sha." Alastor muttered, covering his face with one hand while the other found his hip. He took a breath, shook his head, and regained his composure. "Which hand did he touch you with? His right or left?"

"I don't know." Angel admitted. "I got kinda scared. I can't remember!" 

"Try!" Alastor prompted. 

"I don't know!" Angel repeated. "Does it matter which hand he used?"

"For bokors and Loa, _yes._ " Alastor sighed heavily, and Angel let him pull him into a hug. At the contact he realized Alastor was very subtly shaking. Angel knew he'd fucked up by even trying to talk to Kalfu, but it hit him just how badly he may have made things when he realized Alastor was _terrified._ "What'cha have to go and mess y' insides around for, anyway?" Alastor asked.

"I just want them to work. Just the once." Angel said quietly, and Alastor held him tighter. "We could have a family, Al."

"We a'ready a family, sha." 

"Oh you know what I fuckin' mean." 

Spiders had a mating season in the fall, which Angel knew because he always laid eggs toward the end of the season. Deer had a mating season during the winter, which he sort of guessed because that's when Alastor usually had trouble with his antlers, and had confirmed by a magazine in the hunting section of a supermarket. That part of the store also had several tiny bottles of something called doe-in-rut and Angel had a pretty good guess what that was so he bought five.

In the transition from fall to winter there was an overlap. About a week's worth of overlap between Alastor's antlers getting fuzzy and Angel being insatiable before egg-laying. That was the week he knew that if anything happened it needed to be then. Plenty of time to prepare. Nearly a year in fact. And the year started out strong with Alastor morphing his microphone into an axe and taking it to the back wall of his room. 

"Babe what the fuck?" Angel asked after catching Alastor mid-swing.

"The nursery has to go somewhere!" Alastor answered, wedging the axeblade out of the wall to reel back and take another whack at it.

"You can't just magic one up? You did a number on the Hotel." 

"I was _lazy_ with the Hotel." Alastor corrected. "I actually care about this so it deserves some real effort."

"Aww." Angel cooed. "You gonna build a whole room?" 

"We are." Alastor agreed. "Both of us. But I will handle the destructive bits since those can be dangerous and I know you just painted your claws yesterday. Keep Nuggets out of the way?" 

Angel chuckled. He had planned on helping anyway despite the fact that he didn't know shit about building houses even if it was only part of one. The next couple months were a blur of tearing a wall down, putting four up, shingling a roof, picking paint, and riding the rare high that came not from drugs but from everything in life (Afterlife in this case.) going right. Angel even managed to forget for a while that he was in debt to a very strong Voodoo Spirit that happened to be his father-in-law.

Alastor did not forget. It was on his mind constantly and he'd taken to speaking with other Loa whenever Angel was away since he technically was somewhat one of them. A few could even be considered extended family if he thought of the relationships of the Loa in human terms. He made no deals with them, knowing there was already an imbalance that wouldn't do to make worse. Most didn't care to bother with the affairs of Kalfu and prefered trying to distract him for their own amusement but at least Loko was taking his queries seriously. Of course the first Houngan would, especially since he was a healer.

"Kalfu only bows to his brother." Loko reminded and advised. 

"Papa Legba won' in'erfere with fair deals." Alastor sighed. "And my fader's ruined plenty o' de Papa's horses an' Papa's done none to fix 'im." 

"That _you_ know. You only see what happens around you, child. There is always more in other places." Loko said calmly. "Was the deal fair?"

"Can't say yet…" Alastor admitted. "He didn't name his price."

"Talk to Legba. He may know."

"He never comes when I call." Alastor sighed, annoyed. "Even livin', he ignored me."

"Think on how many people he's needled by. Stretched thin, that one. He is busy. Keep calling." Loko said. "Eventually he will have to see what seems so urgent."

Alastor conceded, nodding as Loko dismissed himself. The calming aura Loko was made of left with him, and Alastor allowed himself to break down in the crushing wave of stress and pain that the air of Hell carried so consistently that he had forgotten he could feel it until Loko had temporarily driven it away. He got used to it quickly, like adjusting to cold water in a lake, but remained wary. He managed to push it down enough to be cheerful when Angel came home, a bale of cradle catalogues from the imp district under an arm.

"If the babies hatch the same size my eggs usually are we might can get away with a fuckin' matchbox but kids grow y'know!" Angel explained, dropping the lot on the floor in front of the living room and spreading them out. "Help me pick!"

"We ain't even made de babies yet. De eggs maybe bigger with some'n in 'em." Alastor moved to the floor with him and hoped he could keep Angel this happy forever.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homemaking and babymaking.

The nursery was done in a few months' time. In contrast to the rest of the house which was done in darker tones, the walls were a light green and the floor was wood with a purple rug covering half. Angel wanted pastels to serve as a break from the rest of Hell and didn't see the point of all the pink or blue bullshit. Colors were colors and the kids might take after him and turn out to be different than initially thought anyway. They'd decided on one wide crib instead of two, though that was mostly Angel's insistance.

"You don't separate twins." Angel explained. "I followed Molly out our Ma holdin' on to her ankle and nobody could ever get us to stop screamin' unless we were together 'til we were six."

Alastor chuckled at that, his hands busy with sewing. Most buyable stuffed animals in Hell were some sort of cursed and it was a surprise as to which ones so it was safer to just make them. 

"You know how many times I've opened this damn cookie tin lookin' for actual cookies and its just fuckin' needles?" Angel huffed, picking up the tin in question.

"Rule o' de South, sha. If it's shortbread it's fo' sewin'." Alastor shrugged, taking it back and setting it down. "If y' find one dat has cookies in it, de owner prob'ly can't even fix a button."

"Sewing shit comes in its own box thing when you buy it!" Angel huffed. 

"Box gets lost." Alastor handed a finished plush to Angel, who looked at it with an amused smile.

"How did you manage to make somethin' cute at the same time as creepy and ugly as all fuck?"

"It's a sackdoll. Dey s'posed to look like dat. Y' jus' ain't used to seein' 'em." Alastor said as he started work on another. 

Alastor had moved his rocking chair from the living room to the nursery, replacing it with a couch so that Angel finally had room to put his legs when it was time for music and cuddles. This time came whenever they saw fit, but usually wound up being in the afternoons. Music was sometimes television now, since Vox was dead and Alastor had no personal vendetta against Velvet who had taken over that particular niche.

Construction was a good way to fill time but it was done with and left a lot of nothing to do. Alastor, to his credit spent a lot of time with Angel in less clothes than he usually bothered with as he tried to get himself used to the idea of actually fornicating in a way that could produce offspring. Angel still hadn't pushed him, citing the fact that a cup and a baster would probably work just fine. Still, Alastor knew Angel wanted more than that even if he was set on being respectful.

So Alastor wore less clothes to let Angel touch more of his skin than he usually did. He touched himself more even if he thought it tedious. When Angel caught him at it and offered help as he usually did, Alastor actually let him provided the fact Angel only used his hands. Even though every bodily fluid aside from blood disturbed him so profoundly that the feeling of his own seed was barely tolerable Alastor was _trying._

"Could put a condom on. One of the shitty thick ones. Then you don't have to directly feel anything." Angel suggested.

"That defeats the purpose. How am I supposed to cum in you with a condom in the way?"

"I could poke a hole in it." Angel snickered. "Put you in a whole damn raincoat and a holey condom. I could ride you and you'd stay all nice and clean."

"Please take this seriously." Alastor rolled his eyes.

"Sorry." Angel forced his face to straighten. It took a lot of effort. "Figured maybe if I can get you giggly you might forget how grossed out you are long enough to fuck some babies into me. Since you don't want me dirtyin' up the kitchen."

"It's not even time yet." Alastor sighed. "We have two months and an Extermination to get through first."

"Month and a half." Angel corrected. "It's gotta be _before_ you gotta scratch the velvet off. Right as winter starts. I put it on the calendar."

"No you didn't."

"Phone calendar." Angel clarified.

"Why would I look at that one when there's a perfectly good paper calendar on the refrigerator?"

Angel groaned and dramatically rolled off of Alastors lap onto the floor before picking himself up and staggered his way to the kitchen. Alastor watched him over the counter as the spider, with very exaggerated movements flipped up a page of the calendar, opened a marker, and circled one of the lower columns. A full week, Alastor noticed.

"Will just once that week do, or does it need to be every day?" He asked, growing nervous.

"Once outta do it." Angel answered. "You still don't _have_ to fuck me."

"I know." Alastor was appreciative that Angel kept trying to give him clear outs, and that care was only strengthening his resolve to at least try. "I'm going to anyway."

The time would have snuck on them if not for the fact that Angel had set twenty reminders on his phone as the week started. It was a thursday when the cramps and random arousal started, letting him know his body was starting to make eggs. He'd noticed slight fuzz on Alastor's antlers last time he'd touch them, and the deer was currently downstairs with a 'guest' so he'd definitely be in a touchy-feely mood when that was done with. 

Angel showered, dusted, and brushed his fur through with the doe-in-rut he'd bought specifically for this. Angel didn't like how it smelled at all, but anything that could get Alastor going was needed. After a thought he also put four towels at each corner of the bed so they'd be easy to reach and sat on a fifth one he'd spread out. Alastor had a problem with mess so now there were plenty of places to wipe the 'mess' off. Just to be less-than-safe he also jammed a thumbtack through a condom and shoved it under a pillow.

Angel tried laying in different seductive poses while he waited, wondering which Alastor might like best before remembering Alastor probably didn't care and just sitting comfortably. He spent the next few minutes scrolling through his phone and wondering if he should just dump a whole other bottle of the rut bullshit on his head in case just the one wasn't enough.

"Don't _you_ smell pretty." Alastor asked from the doorway, startling Angel who hadn't even heard him come up. "That time already?"

"It's on the fuckin' paper calender." Angel teased, setting his phone to play soft jazz and putting it on the nightstand. "How do you wanna do this?"

"Quickly." Alastor admitted, joining Angel on the bed and taking a deep and shameless whiff of his fur.

"Yeah I figured." Angel snickered, pulling his husband onto him further. "You gotta at least get your dick out."

Alastor huffed but complied, taking off his shirt as well as pushing his trousers down enough to be out of the way. He wasn't fully hard but the smell was getting him there. Angel tried to help, playing with Alastor's eat, rubbing where his antlers connected to his head, and placing a string of light lovebites across his neck. He'd have to hold his hand through it, he knew, both in the literal and figurative senses. 

Alastor started by humping against the crease of where Angel's thigh met his stomach, the soft fur against his cock distracting enough he didn't even notice that Angel had begun fingering himself with a lower hand until he said something.

"Ain't had nothin' up the front for a while." The spider admitted, almost purring. "Wanna see how good you can stretch me out."

Alastor's ears twitched. He was no stranger to talking dirty it usually came with space. This close together, the words and tone almost felt dangerous, and he could work with that. Dangerous was comfortable. In fact he almost managed to work up the nerve to actually enter Angel before he felt a hot sort of wetness against his groin. It set off a sour feeling and he immediately backed off and sat up, grabbing one of the available towels to wipe himself off. 

"You okay?" Angel checked, worried something he'd said had been too far.

"Get de damn baster." Alastor gruffed, almost pouting as he settled to stroke himself. "We throwin' it out after."

Angel giggled and practically skipped to the kitchen to go get the tool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its okay Al, you tried.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even if eggs are easier than pregnancy they aren't without complications.

In the course of a day, Angel was feeling bloated and he suddenly couldn't get enough milk. He downed what was left of what they had at home, then decided to take the time and effort to go to the Hotel because he knew the kitchen there had it in bulk. He cleared that too, earning a very dirty look when she caught him drinking out of the jug.

"Other people don't want your germs." She huffed, disgusted. "Who knows where your mouth has been."

"I know where it's been. I plan on finishin' this anyway." He assured, and proceeded to do the same with the five other gallons.

"What the hell?!" Vaggie asked.

Angel shrugged, looking through the fridge for any more but finding none. He pouted but shut the door and went home without explaining. He wasn't even sure if there was something to explain. He'd never wanted milk this badly any other time leading up to making eggs, but he hoped that meant they were alive. He could take cravings for a couple of days as long as he wasn't _pregnant_ pregnant. But then he licked the bone shavings off of Alastor's hacksaw without even thinking and _that_ was just weird enough for him to bring it up.

"It's the calcium your body's after." Alastor explained. "I think. Are you feeling alright?"

"Bummed that I gotta wear fuckin' sweatpants." Angel shrugged. "Bloated as fuck but that's normal so far." He neglected to mention the pinch he felt if he leaned too far any which way, but he didn't want Alastor to worry. It was probably nothing. 

Another day passed and Angel didn't want to move. He'd be passing the eggs soon he knew, but something was off. The pinching had gotten worse and he had to admit, just to himself, that maybe it wasn't nothing. Whatever. If something was wrong it couldn't hurt _all_ of the eggs and he'd heal if it was some kind of injury. 

Alastor was in the middle of a broadcast when Angel got the screaming urge to hide. He ignored it, staying where he was but disrobing. He texted his husband that he was pretty sure it was starting, then picked himself up enough to brace himself on all sixes. The silk glands toward the back of his mouth fired up all on their own, and he used his lower arms to set to weaving while his top set held him up. Briefly, he considered getting the camera going, knowing there had to be some sick bastard with a fetish that'd pay a huge amount for the tape, but Angel banished the thought. He hadn't filmed dead eggs, he wasn't going to film live ones either.

He could hear a crash as Alastor knocked something over in his rush to get to Angel, the door banging loudly as it flew open. "Now?" He asked.

"Now." Angel confirmed through a mouthful of silk.

"What do you need me to do? Are you hurt? How do I help." Alastor asked, a bit frantic. "Should I get hot water?"

"Fuggin thit down an' jutht be here." Angel grumbled, whining as his body contracted. _Fuck, it had never hurt before._

"Shouldn't you be on your back?" Alastor asked, sitting down on the bed in front of Angel, who shook his head.

Unsure of how else he could assist, Alastor gathered Angel's top half against his chest, not disrupting his position but letting the arms that weren't busy weaving a rest. It was a short rest, seeing as now that his top arms were free it meant he had four hands to work with.

His body continued to push, and he felt a few painful pops with each one until the first egg breached and broke the dam, the others falling out after. Angel struggled to catch them in the bag he'd barely finished, distracted by a sharp pain that dragged through him. He couldn't help but cry into Alastor's shoulder.

"You're bleeding…" Alastor reported. "Is that normal?"

"No." Angel sniffled, cursing as a second wave of pain hit him while he tried to force the rest of the eggs out of his body. They were hard shelled, he noticed. Every other time they had been soft squishy things but this time was different. 

"We should call a doctor." Alastor suggested, trying his best to not panic.

"We should shut the fuck up." Angel muttered tiredly before screaming into the other's shoulder as the last of the eggs made it out.

They waited out the aftershocks of the pseudo-labor before Angel pulled the silk sack up to look into it. They were indeed hard shelled, a fraction bigger than his usual, and a noticeable amount less. He usually laid a couple hundred but now he would be surprised if there were even a solid seventy. They were also absolutely drenched in blood. A closer look let him know why, as he noticed several jagged shards of shell. Some of the eggs had evidently broken and cut him on the way out. Still he couldn't help but grin at them.

"Pick out two." Angel told Alastor, settling and laying down. "Gotta get rid of the rest." He started spinning a much smaller bag with a divider in it, much more padded than the larger one. 

They had agreed on two from the very beginning, but once the eggs were in his lap Alastor had no idea how to make that decision. He wasn't even sure the decision should be one for him to make. He felt the need to protect all of them. They were so very small, grey and speckled and perfect, except for the broken ones. He ended up choosing the two that had the most speckling, since they made him think of Angel's spots, and Angel sealed them into the smaller eggsac. 

"Happy birthday, babies." Angel sighed, kissing the silk-covered eggs.

"Shouldn't their birthday be when they hatch?" Alastor asked.

"They get a birthday _and_ a hatchday." Angel decided after a thought. "Fuck, I'm tired."

"Rest, sha." Alastor said, patting Angel's hip and kissing his forehead before picking up the rejected eggs to take them outside. 

Met Kalfu was outside waiting, standing at the edge of the wards he'd put up to keep that particular Loa out of his house, and Alastor's heart sank.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Radio Tower isn't quite a crossroads but it's good enough.

"Where y' at?" Kalfu greeted.

"You aren't welcome here." Alastor said sternly.

"I know." Kalfu said with a smile and gestured toward the unseen line on the ground he couldn't cross. "Y' made dat plenty clear. Had dis shit blockin' me out fo' years. Don't matter. Dere's a price gotta be paid."

"You're here for the spares?" Alastor guessed, lowering his ears and holding the silk bundle closer to his chest as his antlers branched out in a display somewhere between a threat and defensive. 

"I don't want y' garbage, boy." Kalfu growled. "But since y' offered." 

The light weight in Alastor's arms vanished, his hands clutching at nothing as he struggled to hold onto it. "Y' can't--" He began to protest.

"I can't step over y' cute lil circle but I can reach just fine." Kalfu reasoned. "Y' was tossin' 'em out anyway. Bring y' spider out to talk."

"No." Alastor said angrily.

"Why y' so damn distrustin' of me?" Kalfu asked, seeming almost hurt.

"Because yo an untrustworthy _pest_." Came a new voice from within the warding, and Alastor turned. 

A mirror image of Kalfu stood, with gold eyes instead of red being the only difference. He eyed Kalfu with an air of annoyance, and didn't even look at Alastor. Still, out of respect and perhaps fear of getting caught between two of the strongest dealmakers in what he knew of the universe, the deer pulled his antlers back to a more passive shape and stepped aside. 

"New life has a price." Kalfu snarled. 

"Sixty-four's well worth two. Dey owe nothin' else. Take y' payment an' get y' ass outta here." 

Kalfu spat, but was gone as his twin dismissed him.

"Papa Legba," Alastor acknowledged as the Loa turned to him, bowing his head.

"Alastor Landry." Legba returned coldly. "Y' can quit callin' me every damn hour. Y' give me a headache. Next time y' can't fix y' own shit I'm settin' Samedi loose in y' house."

"Angel would get along with the Baron, at least." Alastor mused.

"Samedi an' a pack o' my dogs." Legba countered.

The threat was almost enough to make Alastor promise never to call on Legba again, but there was too much in his head and heart to let go of the situation. 

"What will he do with the others?" Alastor asked, referring to the eggs that were gone now. 

"Hard to say." Legba admitted. "He gone through a lot of chil'ren an' done away with 'em befo' you. He was _proud_ o' you... 'til y' started shunnin' him. S'pose he's goin' down de line now. Kalfu begat Alastor. Alastor begat… _a bunch o' fuckin' spiders._ "

"I'll stop calling you for the rest of my afterlife if you keep them safe." Alastor said, extending his right hand for once not as a bokor but as a fellow Loa.

"Dat's fair 'nough." Legba agreed, smiling and shaking it. 

"Thank you." 

Legba nodded and waved his hand toward the door of the house, suggesting Alastor be the one to leave first. A dismissal, and an oddly comfortable reversal of the way Alastor was used to his interactions with true Loa going. He went along with it, going back inside. He still had a nervous pit in his stomach regarding the other eggs, wondering whether it would have been kinder to just crush them all before Kalfu had the chance to take them. Papa Legba would handle it and he, at least, was much more of a moral Loa. 

Alastor tried to put it out of his mind. There was no undoing what is already done, he reminded himself as he returned to Angel who was asleep with the tiny eggsac clutched close to his chest. It brought a real smile to his face, and he joined his new family on the bed, snuggling up to Angel's back and laying his arm over the spider to run a careful finger over the patch of silk. They were so small now, and fragile, and Angel's earlier throwaway comment about having them sleep in a matchbox suddenly didn't seem so much like a joke. He couldn't wait to meet them. He wished he could meet _all_ of them, but he knew he had to let that want go.

"Gettin' my fur wet." Angel muttered, letting Alastor know he'd woken up. "You fuckin' droolin' on me?" The spider asked, twisting around to face the deer. "Holy shit you're cryin'." Angel blurted out tactlessly as he had never seen Alastor do so before.

Alastor quickly covered his face, not wanting to admit the fact he had been openly weeping without realizing. And then he laughed because a stray strand of silk had caught on a claw and caused the eggsac to follow his hand and knock gently against his cheek. Angel laughed at that too.

"Aw, look. You're worryin' our kids. Put the waterworks away, buster." Angel teased, unhooking the eggs just to set them down between their faces.

"I'm jus' happy." Alastor explained because he was, even with the uncertainty of everything else.

Angel rolled his eyes. "Fuckin' sap." He said fondly, propping up on his elbow and leaning to kiss Alastor's nose. "I'm happy too, but the babies are way too little to swim."

"Dey're too little fo' everythin'!" Alastor pointed out, laughing louder.

Angel rolled his eyes, wincing as he sat up. To avoid loosing the eggs in the blanket, he pressed the eggsac to his mouth to add a bit of stickier silk to it, then promptly glued it to Alastor's antler, who didn't protest. His innards had mostly healed but he could still feel noticeable scratches. Still he had to get up eventually to eat and he was starving. And because of the situation, his company, and his species, he couldn't resist the obvious joke.

"Hey, you should probably feed me before I eat you."

"Nice try, sha. Spiders eat deir mates _befo'_ layin' eggs. Y' had y' chance yesterday." Alastor said, having to put up a considerable amount of effort to contain his laughter enough to get real words out. "I'll see if I can't scrounge up some'n."

"Don't bother cookin'. I don't even care so long as it's quick." Angel huffed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Informing the family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some happy.

Alastor couldn't just stay home forever. Angel had a counselling appointment once a week and Alastor did have responsibilities to said Hotel that he actually sometimes cared about. He'd been shirking lately. Charlie hadn't said anything to him yet and he didn't really care one way or another if she eventually worked up the nerve to do so, but there was work to do. There was no telling how long the eggs would need to actually hatch, so filling that time with mindless busywork was for once quite appealing.

Alastor settled on a lobby couch with a folder of paperwork to read it through. Charlie, as the owner of the Hotel had final say on everything but Alastor had a gift for seeing details and knowing which ones would and would not metaphorically, or occasionally literally, blow up in other people's faces. It was a gift as well as a curse, as so many of his talents seemed to be. Regardless he was halfway through the second page of why Charlie thought bringing in hellhounds for theraputic purposes was a good idea when he heard movement far too close to his head. 

Every shadow in the room solidified and sharpened, speeding dangerously toward the perceived threat and only stopping short of it when Alastor realized it was just Husk. 

"Fucking relax Squeaker." Husk gruffed, barely flinching. "You got a cotton ball stuck to your horn. I was getting it."

"You're _getting_ nothing. Those are my children." Alastor corrected, dismissing the shadows to return to obeying how light usually worked. 

Husk blinked and his muzzle scrunched somewhat. "The fuck does that even mean?"

Alastor closed the folder, not bothering to mark his place, and fixed Husk with a sort of condescending smirk that let the cat know Alastor was feigning patience. He raised a hand to point at his antler where he knew Angel had fastened their not-yet-babies.

"This isn't a cotton ball. It's an eggsac." He explained bluntly. "Angel laid them."

"Angel was pregnant?" Husk asked.

"No. That's not how eggs work." Alastor chuckled. "Congratulations on becoming an uncle!"

Husk stared blankly, before letting out some odd mix of a cough and a laugh. "You're shitting me. This is a joke right?"

"Deathly serious, actually."

"Death's funny to you." Husk countered, but when Alastor still didn't waver Husk took a seat and shook his head. "Fuck sake that kid's gonna have so many screws loose."

"Two kids." Alastor elaborated. "Assuming, and hoping, that they both hatch." He did not mention the other sixty-four that were taken, but his grin did pull uncomfortably at the thought of them. 

"That's _worse_!" Husk hissed. "Have you even thought this through?"

"Angel and I have spent the better part of the year building a nursery _and_ desecrated our cookware." Alastor confirmed. "I've done little aside from thinking this through."

"And I'm hearing about this shit _now?!_ "

"Yes." Alastor nodded, completely unrepentant. 

Husk let out a weary sigh before saying, very resolutely, "I'm helping."

"No need." Alastor waved a hand.

"Yes need." Husk protested. "You're fucking deranged at best and I've seen Angel waterboard himself trying to drink laying down."

"He can go up walls and stick to the ceiling if he wants to. Sometimes gravity is sideways to him." Alastor defended. 

"Gravity is pretty important if you're holding a fucking baby." Husk pointed out. 

Alastor nodded, silently conceding that Husk had a point. He had no will to keep Husk away anyway and it may even be beneficial to have an experienced father to turn to. Still, between so many variables presented by the children being conceived through voodoo, being the spawn of one and a half Demons and half a Loa, and the fact they would technically be Hellborn, Alastor wasn't sure if Husk's experience raising a human child would have much applicability. 

It was routine by now for Angel. Coming into Charlie's office every week to sit in a comfy chair, hug a pillow, and just rant about whatever shit came to mind. Sometimes it was just how the past week had gone. Sometimes it was about some bullshit he'd had to put up with at work, which hadn't been a common topic recently since the camwork he'd been doing was a lot less stressful and he'd put his streams on an indefinite hiatus while preparing for the eggs. And then with that line of thought Angel realised he hadn't even talked to Molly or Arackniss in the past week and he absolutely could not tell Charlie about the eggs until he told his brother and sister first. And then Cherri.

"Hey Cha-Cha, can we skip this week? Or do it tomorrow? I got a...family...thing?" Angel asked awkwardly. 

"A family thing." Charlie repeated dubiously. 

"Yeah." Angel said, not giving any further details as Charlie stared him down.

Finally the Princess shrugged and decided to take his word. "Alright but you're coming to Group tomorrow."

"Fuck Group." Angel whined, then stood from his seat. "Fine. Just the once."

Charlie beamed and that made it worth the fact he'd have to unload his shit in front of other demons who had no business being in his business. He left the office, pulling out his phone and hovering a claw between two contacts. He decided on Molly, and she picked up on the first ring.

"Hey Angie. Everythin' okay? You always text." 

"Everythin's fantastic." He said. "You remember that bet we had when we were ten?"

"Yeah?" She answered, confused. 

"You owe me ten dollars."

"The bet was for fiv--wait." Molly said, her tone shifting from confused to giddy as her mind caught up to what she was being told.

Angel had to hold the phone at arm's length as his sister squealed on the other line. He waited until her lung capacity ran out, then returned the phone to his ear. "Arackniss with you?"

"Yeah." There was a muttering as she spoke away from her end of the phonecall.

 _"Bullshit!"_ Came Arackniss's voice from further away but still audible.

Angel laughed.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angel introduces his siblings to the eggs and Alastor shows him how to candle them.

Alastor would have preferred it if absolutely no one aside from Angel and himself were even within arms reach of the eggs. Those hopes were dashed as soon as Angel invited his siblings over and handed the eggsac right to his brother. It made Alastor more nervous than he would ever admit, but Arackniss was very careful as he inspected it before passing it to Molly. 

"You only had two? I usually have hundreds…" Molly huffed. "Must've been easier than passin' a blood clot."

"Gross." Arackniss grimaced.

"Nah, I had more but since tryin' to keep all of them would be stupid we just kept the two and broke the rest cuz twins rule." Angel explained, poking his brother and calling him a bitch for being born alone.

Alastor very carefully plucked the eggs from Molly's grasp, prompting her to whine. He also did not correct Angel's assumption about the very much unbroken eggs. He would have to tell him eventually, he knew, but now wasn't the right time. It kept not being the right time, even through weeks of eggwatching.

The two took turns with the eggs. Whatever they did they could do easily enough with the eggsac in a pocket, on Alastor's antler, or in Angel's fluff. Both were careful and as a result Angel was less reckless when he'd usually have reason to be and Alastor was hunting a bit less. Enough so that he'd actually gone and bought takeout for the first time in both his life and afterlife instead of killing and cooking someone. Alastor usually regarded any fast food that wasn't actively running away to be absolute garbage but he'd make any sacrifice to make sure the eggs were safe.

They were growing, Angel couldn't help but notice when the silk he had wrapped them in suddenly split open. There was a terrifying rush of excitement when that happened since he had thought that meant they were hatching. He'd called Alastor, who hadn't strayed far from him for any longer than ten minutes at the most since they arrived, but the broken silk yeilded nothing but completely intact grey speckled shells. It was disappointing when they realized the eggs weren't hatching but not unexpected since it hadn't been very long. It was still odd that they could grow, considering the eggs had hard shells but Hell had weird laws of physics sometimes. 

Out of their silk, Angel took a moment to inspect the eggs. There were no cracks, and they didn't need to be kept warm as long as they didn't get _cold._ He wished he could see inside of the eggs. If they were growing then surely something must be going on inside. 

"What are you guys even doin' in there?" Angel asked aloud.

"Probably not much." Alastor answered even though he knew the question was rhetorical. "Before you wrap them up again we should check on them. I'll get the flashlight!" 

"What's a flashlight gonna do?" Angel asked, but Alastor had already gone in search of it.

Alastor was back quickly with it, turning the lights out with a wave and switching the torch on. He set it on the counter so it stood with the light facing upward and held one egg over it closely so the light would shine through it. A little shapeless shadow became visible, surrounded by the branching shape of veins, and Angel stared at it in wonder.

"That's… Oh my fuckin' god." Angel said softly. "We made a blob!" 

"A very lovely blob!" Alastor agreed, leaning to kiss Angel's hair. "It'll prob'ly look more like a baby later."

They checked the other egg in the same fashion which yielded a similar formless mass, causing Angel to cheer for the miracle of them having made _two_ blobs and Alastor was sure he had never loved anything more. Eventually they had to wrap the eggs again but repeated the inspection everytime they grew enough for the silk to break. They were almost the size of a chicken's egg before the little blobs really started to look like anything.

"Six limbs. Definitely yours!" Alastor teased when the shapes were clear enough to discern that much.

"Babe, you watched them come outta me." Angel snorted, turning the egg they were looking at to try to see inside better. "And you know I have eight."

"I got four." Alastor pointed out. "Dey must've jus' averaged us out."

"Arms are bent kinda funny." Angel pointed out, sounding mildly worried and Alastor adjusted his monocle and squinted at it.

The shadow of the fetus was curled, like most fetuses tended to be given what little room they had. The body of it was longer than expected and the veins around it obstructed the silhouette somewhat. There were definitely six limbs and a tail. The 'arms' Angel mentioned were in fact jointed oddly for arms, but perfectly sensible for forelegs, of which there were two sets.

"Oh, deer." Alastor observed aloud.

"Is somethin' wrong with them?" Angel asked, alarmed.

"No. Dey're fine." Alastor assured quickly. "Y' know I don't really look like dis anymore. Since dyin' at least." He reminded, gesturing to himself.

"Right. You're a bigass bony buck." Angel nodded thoughtfully.

"The alliteration's nice." Alastor praised.

"What?" 

"Nevermind." Alastor shook his head, amused. "Dey're leanin' toward lookin' a bit fawnish far as I'm seein'." 

"Gonna need custom made diapers aren't--They moved!" Angel interrupted himself and gingerly tapped the shell. "Come on, move again." He beckoned, and while Alastor had missed the first movement he did catch the little twitch the not-quite-baby made in response to the tapping.

"Don't scare 'em, sha." Alastor said quietly, though he couldn't help but laugh in sheer joy to see the twitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Casual reminder that this version of Alastor only looks humanoid due to shapeshifting and that is absolutely carrying over.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The children are ready!

Somewhere around the sixth month the eggs started making scratching sounds. They still weren't hatching but the little ones inside _were_ moving quite a bit. They were bigger as well. Nearly the size of an ostrich egg. They certainly couldn't fit in a pocket anymore so they stayed home, usually in the cradle that seemed far too big for them. They would grow into it eventually of course but the wait was becoming painful.

"Come out already. I wanna see you!" Angel whined, nudging an egg. He'd stopped wrapping them, worried the silk may be too hard for the babies to break out of, but he kept a blanket around them to keep them from rolling and knocking into the cradle bars.

"Takes nine months sha." Alastor reminded, seated in his rocking chair, reading and pretending he wasn't just as impatient.

"For humans. We ain't anymore." Angel huffed, turning away from the cradle and dropping into Alastor's lap. 

Alastor put his book aside and shifted to get more comfortable before wrapping his arms around the other and nuzzling his face into Angel's neck. He sighed contentedly, letting Angel fidget with his ears. Fidgeting, of course became fondling and Alastor rolled his eyes.

"Not in the nursery." He warned, knowing Angel was trying to bait him.

"The kids can't see shit." Angel snorted. "I'm _bored_ and you're bein' hot." 

"I'm just sitting." Alastor pointed out.

"Yeah. Bein' all dismissive and shit." Angel reasoned, wiggling in Alastor's lap and continuing to get no reaction out of the other. "Just talk to me. Help me kill time."

"Not around the children." Alastor repeated, though he hid heft Angel onto his shoulder as he stood from the chair to carry him. "Maybe you should host a stream today. Your fans must miss you and you've been terribly needy."

Angel laughed. 

_crk_

The sound was small, so quiet that Angel missed it but Alastor had better hearing. His ear twitched toward the cradle and he looked over. Surely it was too soon, he thought, just another false alarm. There had been several of those since neither really knew what to look out for. But then he heard it again and he dropped Angel.

"Ow! Fuckin'--"

"Dey're hatchin'." Alastor said, helping Angel up apologetically and practically dragging him back to the cradle.

Sure enough there was the tiniest crack in the shell of the smaller egg. The cracking sound, since that's what it was, happened again, accompanied by the split in the shell pushing outward, still stuck together by a stretchy membrane until finally a tiny claw ripped it and a two-toed sort of paw broke through.

"Oh damn it they got my stupid fuckin' feet." Angel groaned before reaching into the cradle to help. 

Alastor snatched his hand back quickly. "Let dem do it. Y' move de shell wrong it might cut 'em."

"Shit…" Angel said quietly, glad he'd been stopped with that in mind. Still, encouragement could go a long way. "You doin' good, baby. You got it. Kick the shell's ass."

Alastor shook his head, equally amused and disappointed that apparently Angel would not be dialling back his cursing just because the babies were babies. He wasn't even sure why he had expected him to, even briefly, but he supposed growing up in Hell would expose them to far worse than their dad's profanity.

Finally enough of the shell broke for a face to be seen, exposing a fawnish face with large ears and six eyes shut tightly. Four forelegs had made it out as well before the baby flopped over, coughing out a bit of bloody fluid before wailing. Its upper muzzle looked normal enough but its lower jaw split apart alarmingly and Angel almost thought the baby was hurt before remembering he was a bug and a lot of bugs' mouths had sideways mandibles. Still it was weird to see. 

Alastor was unphased by the odd sight, much more overwhelmed by the fact that his child was here and breathing and alive. He didn't even care that he was getting all sorts of slimy viscera on his hand as he picked the baby up, using the blanket in the crib to wipe off the blood and whatever other goo that was in the egg off. Underneath all of the mess was white fur covered in red spots and a heart shaped set of stripes on the baby's back from their two sets of shoulders all the way to their short tail. The inside of their ears were also red, as was the two little secondary eyespots in front of the largest primary eyes.

"We have a boy!" Alastor reported, turning the baby over and checking.

"As far as we know." Angel reminded, "But we'll go with it unless he tells us different. Let me see him!"

Alastor handed the baby over to Angel who held him up, then wiped his hands off and turned his attention to the other egg. There was a crack in it too, but it wasn't nearly as far along as its brother. It in fact hadn't gotten past the first little crack at all and Alastor couldn't hear the scratching anymore. 

"Is the other one okay?" Angel asked, managing to get the first's crying under control by holding him firmly to his chest.

"I'm not sure." Alastor admitted. He reached over and very gingerly tapped the shell with his claws. "Come on…" To his relief the scratching sound started up again, only to worry him as it slowed to a halt a minute later. A few minutes past with Alastor having to tap the shell to get the baby inside to keep trying before finally a wet little foot broke through.

"Oh thank fuck." Angel said, having been holding his breath. 

The second child took much longer to emerge, even with both fathers prodding and poking at them to keep them on task, even requiring a strong pat to start breathing. It was the same shape as the first, though slightly bigger and with the only white on them being their stomach. The majority of their fur being black aside from pink spots on their back and stripes around their six legs, inside of their ears, and eyespots.

"This one is… Hm. Haven't seen _that._ " Alastor said, turning the baby around so Angel could see what he meant.

Angel just shrugged. "They're a whatever. Dibs on namin' them!"

"You have a neutral name in mind that quickly?" Alastor asked. 

"Yep. That's Vinnie now. With an I-E." Angel said, pulling the newly named Vinnie into his second set of arms and passing the boy back to Alastor. "So who's the little guy?" 

Alastor had thought through all the time waiting that if either of the children turned out a daughter he would name her after his mother. Given that neither egg turned out a girl, he decided on giving his new son the name of the only other person aside from his mother and Angel that he cared for. Husk wasn't using it much these days anyway so there wouldn't be any confusing the two.

"Oh this is obviously a Jim." Alastor said as if it should have been obvious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you'd like to see the babies I drew them on my tumblr: https://bayouboy-alastor.tumblr.com/post/614031008281542656/the-babies-are-here-i-designed-them-for-baby
> 
> And Vinnie is intersex in case that was unclear.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Husk meets the kids and the boys adjust to actually being dads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yall get two today as a happy hatchday to the twins and also cuz I have done nothing all day but write.

Husk got the call to come meet his nephew and _neiphew_ the day after the eggs hatched. He could guess what a neiphew was but it was still odd to hear the word. Oh well. If there wasn't a word for something then there would eventually need to be a word made. He arrived at the Radio Tower around noon, having made a detour to buy a basket of diapers, bottles, and pacifiers, although when he actually got a look at the kids he realised the diapers had been a huge waste of money.

The babies had been thoroughly cleaned, fur just as fluffy as Angel's. Their primary eyes were fused shut still but they'd follow light with their face which let Angel know the secondary eyes were functional. They would also follow sounds with their ears which made it clear they could hear. No motor control in their legs though, which was a shame considering how many there were. Vinnie, surprisingly given their rough breakout of their egg, was turning out to be quite a kicker. Jim was more wiggly than anything, rolling himself around when left the room to do so. For the most part, however, the siblings tended to gravitate toward each other and snuggled as much as possible.

"So that's what happens when you cross a deer and a spider." Husk grunted, looking into the cradle which had been cleared of shells and the blanket replaced. "Weird."

"So fuckin' weird." Angel agreed, picking up Vinnie.

"I think they're charming!" Alastor defended, pulling Jim out of the cradle as well.

"Of course you would." Husk grunted, then quickly took a startled step back when the darker baby, Vinnie, yawned, their lower jaw splitting open. "What the fuck?!"

Angel shrugged, not concerned as he had seen it more than once by now. "Bug genes?" He supplied. "It's kinda cute once you get used to it."

"The cutest! Here, watch your claws. If you cut him I'll gut you." Alastor stated, and Husk didn't have much time to process that before Alastor had shoved the smaller baby into his arms. 

Jim whined at the unfamiliar and somewhat awkward hold, but settled and didn't start up any serious crying. Vinnie, hearing their brother, started up a growl but it was an empty threat seeing as they couldn't walk or even see yet. 

"It's okay, Jim. That's just Uncle Husk." Angel told the baby, reaching over with a spare hand to pat the baby's side.

Husk looked between the baby and Alastor's stupid grinning face watching him for a reaction and Husk almost wanted to cry. Almost. He didn't. At least noymt on the outside.

"Damn it Squeaker, if I wasn't holdin' a baby right now I'd punch you out." Husk snarled instead of letting it outwardly show how honored he felt.

"Glad you approve!" Alastor cheered, easily seeing through Husk's bullshit. "The other is Vinnie. They bite though so you get to hold the sweet one."

"I didn't see teeth." Husk pointed out.

"The jaw strength makes up for it." Angel said sagely. "Little motherfucker broke Al's finger. Didn't heal for an hour." 

"It was my fault, to be fair." Alastor said, seeming far more proud and not at all upset. "I was trying to see how exactly their jaw works. It's fascinating, really. They can move both sides independently and the sheer bite force is--"

Alastor continued to ramble and Husk was slowly starting to regret his decision to help. Clearly none of them knew what they were walking to since everything about this was new territory. There would be a lot of learning to do and it would probably all be through trial and error. Sure, all new parents had to go through a learning stage but this was taking it to extremes. 

It took a month for the babies to open their eyes. In that time the fathers learned that the kids needed to eat hourly. They favored milk with blood in it, store-bought thankfully being just fine which was good because Angel never started lactating. The spider was grateful for the fact even though it meant that they were suddenly spending quite a bit of money on several gallons of milk a week. 

"The tits are just for looks and layin' on." Angel had joked tiredly while Jim napped on his chest and Alastor bottle-fed Vinnie.

"Well they are very comfortable." Alastor responded. 

They also learned that the children had Angel's ability to stick to things with his hands and feet, but had little control over it. Paired with their tendency to cuddle, they often wound up stuck to their fathers or each other. Getting one child's paws unstuck from the other's fur was an experience like trying to separate very strong velcro, but the velcro was fighting back to stay stuck. Jim was especially clingy, and if ever the children needed to be seperated for bathtime or anything else Nuggets had to stand in to keep Jim calm. That trick stopped working as soon as the children could see and Jim knew he was snuggled up to a pig instead of his sibling.

"You're alright!" Alastor tried to reason with his son. "Vinnie's being brushed. They're three feet in front of you!"

Jim, being a baby and therefore completely unable to be reasoned with, just continued wailing. Nuggets also began squalling, presumably to feel included or perhaps in solidarity, or maybe even to be released to the floor to get away from the weird monstrous infant stuck to their side.

Angel, handling a much calmer Vinnie and making Alastor just a bit jealous of that fact, had to shout to be heard over his son. "Jim, baby, your turn's fuckin' comin' and I'm gonna brush you upside down if you can't shut up."

As it turned out, Jim quite liked being upside down and giggled the entire time. And then Alastor had to hold Vinnie upside down because once they saw Jim get such a treatment they wanted the same. Neither had to worry about too much blood in their brains because being part spider meant their bodies adjusted very quickly to differences in their relation to gravity.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Babies are lethal to Sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Link to the song Alastor plays: https://youtu.be/Yrd_286moe8
> 
> No vocals but its nice.

Angel was starting to suffer. He hadn't slept in days, he forgot to eat half of the time, and he'd been puked on several times. Babies were cute and fun and he adored them but they were also a lot of work. Alastor seemed to be holding up just fine which made Angel just a bit jealous. Alastor had even suggested they start taking shifts so Angel could get some proper rest but Angel had declined. If Alastor could still be so perky then Angel felt no right to let on that he was running on fumes. He'd signed up for this, after all.

Angel loved his kids wholeheartedly and didn't regret them at all. Even so, the lack of rest was getting to him and taking a toll on his mental state. He was becoming melancholic. He was grumpy, fidgetty, and starting to get just a bit paranoid.

With his lowered mood Angel started wondering when Kalfu was going to show up for whatever Angel owed. The babies had hatched and were healthy. Surely the Loa had thought of something he wanted from Angel. That was how deals worked. He was dreading it somewhat. He wasn't sure what he even had to give. It was just one more thing to think about, draining his mental energy.

"You're stressed." Alastor observed, pulling himself flush against Angel's back as they fell into bed, knowing they'd have to be up again in an hour. 

"Shit's stressful." Angel replied dryly. 

"Hm." Alastor agreed without any real words, and decided to try to get Angel in a better mood since he was well aware the other was in serious need of attention.

Angel hummed appreciatively as his husband's hands wandered, one hand firmly gripping the slight curve of his hip while the other started to creep up under his shirt. He pushed back closer against Alastor, pressing his ass against the deer's groin and though Alastor wasn't hard at all, he did oblige Angel with a bit of lazy humping. He ran his teeth over the crook of the spider's neck and was rewarded with a pleased sort of sigh and raised fur.

"Gonna get me started." Angel warned.

"I'm intendin' to." Alastor assured. "Touch y'self for me?" 

"Keep talkin'." Angel encouraged, slipping a hand into his pajama pants.

Had it been anyone else, Angel might have told them to fuck off. He _was_ extremely tired. But with Alastor, any form of physical intimacy was almost always for Angel's benefit. It was unselfish. Alastor wasn't the sort to pound one out and more than likely leave Angel hanging because he didn't much care for pounding anything in the first place. It was a focused sort of care Angel had never gotten from anyone else and even though he was usually taking care of himself it was still nice to do so with Alastor holding him and helping in his own way.

"Jus' one finger for now." Alastor stated.

One hand stayed under Angel's shirt, caressing a breast without outright grabbing while the other hand roamed, pulling the shirt up to rake his claws through Angel's fur like he was trying to brush it with his fingers. 

"Fuckin' tease." Angel huffed but complied, pushing his middle finger into his front while grinding the heel of his hand against his clit. 

"If y' didn't like it y' wouldn't listen." Alastor replied smugly, nuzzling the heart shaped spot on the back of Angel's head. "Pretty sha…"

They continued in a slow fashion of Alastor whispering sweetness to Angel and telling him when he was allowed more fingers, how quickly he was allowed to move, and how much Alastor adored him. Angel, for his part, tried to stay quiet to avoid waking the children a room away. Still Alastor delighted in hearing the soft murmurs and muffled moans that gradually raised in volume until Angel suddenly tensed in his arms, biting back a whine as he came in his pajamas. The pants, thankfully kept the mess off of Alastor and out of their bed, but Angel lamented the fact he'd have to get up to change. It was worth it, but still a nuisance. 

Almost as soon as he'd gotten into a fresh set of underwear and shorts one of the babies started up squealing. And then both of them were because if one was doing anything the other just had to join in. The hour was up and they were probably hungry again.

" _You_ get back in bed." Alastor said, pulling Angel down onto the mattress in the same motion that he sat up. "I got dem."

Angel was too tired to even try to protest this time, setting into the blankets and pulling a pillow to his stomach to snuggle that in a poor substitution of his absent bedmate. The static noise around Alastor shifted into the sounds of an orchestra as he left the room, starting up in a song Angel vaguely recognised as 3 O'clock in the Morning. He could hear it even as Alastor moved to the nursery, the babies quieting down soon after. Angel glanced at the clock on the wall, snorting at his husband's humor because it was in fact just a bit past 3. 

Though it was meant for the kids, Angel couldn't help but be lulled by the soft music. Exhaustion took over and he drifted off finally, only barely registering the dip of the mattress when Alastor returned to him. Even then it was only to abandon the pillow in favor of turning over to curl around Alastor. 

Another hour later the babies were crying again, but Angel was unwilling to let go. Alastor didn't mind and pulled Angel's legs up around him to avoid tripping. He piggybacked Angel all the way to the nursery and got through feeding both children with a sleeping spider clinging to his back. He had to resort to shadows due to a lack of hands, which felt a bit excessive and impersonal, but at least Angel was finally resting.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor experiences a small effect of being part Loa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angel is a Little Shit

It started out as a needling sensation toward the back of Alastor's skull. Almost like the unsoothable itch you could get between the nose and throat, and only getting worse as he wondered just what it could be. It was new, and very distracting.

"You're zonin' out again." Angel reported for the third time that day. "I got the kids. You need a nap. Come on, it's your turn to get some rest."

"I'm fine." Alastor protested.

"I'll read all three of you a bedtime story." Angel offered, a baby in each of his upper arms. His lower ones were occupied with changing the mat in the bottom of the crib they had to keep down due to the fact diapers didn't fit.

"Tempting as that is I don't think I'd be able to. Something's weird."

"Everythin's weird." Angel snarked, finishing with the mat and washing his lower hands. "I'm a spider, you're a deer, and we're playin' house with a couple of little monsters."

"Weirder." Alastor amended, then added after registering the rest of Angel's words. "And don't call our children monsters."

"I mean it in a good way." Angel clarified, shifting how he was holding each baby to raise Vinnie higher in the air who kicked their legs and laughed. "Who's my freaky little monster, huh?" Angel asked in a falsetto before pressing his face to the baby's belly and blowing a very loud raspberry.

Vinnie squealed in delight, and Alastor watched fondly as Angel rotated arms to give Jim the same treatment. Jim was less receptive to it than his sibling, pushing Angel's face away. He clearly didn't like the tickle, so Angel didn't do it for nearly as long as the other child had gotten.

"How do you even do that on fur?" Alastor asked, cocking his head curiously and confused. 

"Practice." Angel chuckled, then decided to answer properly. "Same way you do it on nothin'. Real trick is poledancin' with fur. If my hands didn't stick to shit I wouldn't be able to do anythin'. Aerial silk's easy with fur though. Just pulls a bit."

"If their first words are curses I'm blaming you." Alastor huffed. 

"Fuck, shit, bitch, damn, ass--" Angel started spitefully, only to be silenced by a hand over his mouth. It didn't completely stop him, only muffled him as he continued down the list of increasingly vulgar vocabulary.

 _"Angel."_ Alastor said, managing to sound very much like a disappointed mother.

The needling was getting worse, accompanied by a sort of pull and Alastor realized finally that he was being _called._ He didn't even know he could be called since this was the first time it had happened. He also didn't know who he was being called by or how to answer. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to answer since he was reluctant to leave Angel and the children alone. 

Luckily there was a fix for that last problem. Alastor closed his eyes and searched through shadows for the familiar soul he was looking for. He found it quickly and pulled it through, dragging Husk into the room.

"If you don't fucking warn me--" The cat snarled, wet fur and feathers hinting that he had been either bathing or swimming. Most likely the latter seeing as there was a floral smell clinging to him and he didn't tend to use scented soaps.

"Glad you're here, Husker. I need to check on something." Alastor explained without really explaining anything at all.

"I can watch the kids by myself." Angel said dryly. "I'm in better shape than you are, spacin' out every five minutes."

"Humor him. He's pretending he ain't paranoid." Husk gruffed, and lumbered out of the nursery. "I'm using your bathroom." He informed as he went.

Husk came back more damp than completely wet, having shaken and toweled off. He fell heavily into the rocking chair and shuffled his wings so he could lean back without crushing them. "Toss me a kid."

"Do _not_ toss--" Alastor protested, not quickly enough.

Angel already lobbed Vinnie over to the cat in the chair, who caught them with his wrists to avoid his claws. Vinnie burbled, unbothered by the somewhat rough handling.

"I wasn't being literal." Husk snorted, but his tone turned a little less graveled as he spoke directly to the baby. "Hey buddy, what'd you do today?"

"Pbbbt." Vinnie responded by poking Husk's muzzle and puttering.

"Vinnie's tough. Kids bounce anyway." Angel shrugged, turning Jim to settle in the crook of his elbow and sit on his secondary shoulder since what little hip the spider had was too far down anyway. "Want a drink?"

"Can't." Husk declined.

"I won't tell Cha-Cha." Angel offered. "Fuck knows I cheat sometimes."

"Ain't quitting for _her._ " Husk pointed out. "Tea'd be nice if you got it." 

Alastor left them to it, stepping into a shadow, but not stepping out anywhere. There was a blank black space between. Not quite a void, but similar. It wasn't a place anyone wanted to stay, as the lack of space was suffocating and the lack of matter was disorienting at best. Half of Alastor hated staying in it for more than a few seconds at a time, and if he brought someone with him through it they almost always felt a bit sick the first time. Half of him thought it felt comforting like a piece of him was home, and his children didn't seem bothered to travel in it which he was grateful for. 

Trying to follow the pull, Alastor began to trudge through the nothing until it started to become something, starting with music. More specifically, a low voice humming a lullaby.

"Been 'spectin' you." Kalfu said, stepping out in front of Alastor as the darkness surrounding them took shape into a round room. "Took y' long enough."

"Why did you call?" Alastor asked.

"Thought you'd wannu know how de rest o' y' babies been." Kalfu said easily. "Legba's been on my ass ev'ry day 'bout 'em. S'prised y' ain't tried shit past sicin' him on me."

"I wasn't sure if I still had any right to them since they were…" Alastor trailed off, not wanting to call the extras a payment even though they technically were. "There are sixty-four, correct?"

"Fifty-nine. Few didn't hatch and de Baron had to take one." Kalfu reported, referring to Baron Samedi. "Damn thing got sick sick."

Alastor froze at that, a realization hitting him. He and Angel were already dead so barring Angelic injuries their bodies would always revert to how Hell had shaped them through regeneration. The children however, were not dead, and therefore far more fragile than Alastor had initially thought.

"That's unfortunate." Alastor said, masking his upset but unable to stop himself from asking. "May I see the ones remaining?" 

"O' course." Kalfu obliged with a less than sincere grin. "I don't shut family out."


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somewhat of an interlude to places outside of Hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is an early post but I didn't sleep much and filled time with this.

Marni Altobello had been in Heaven for a fairly long time. She was a quiet sort, and generally kept to herself as she waited for her children to join her. Decades passed and eventually she had to accept the fact that they weren't coming and that it was probably Henry's fault. No, she'd decided after another ten years, it was definitely Henry's fault. Still, she preffered to keep out of trouble and out of the way, so she was surprised when a Cherub, one of the ranks of Angels, handed her an invitation to a horribly bland bureaucratic building.

She came in at the scheduled time to the office she'd been told and sat down next to a stout and darker skinned woman who was occupying the only other chair. Her hair was in braids and tied back in a blue ribbon that complimented the yellow dress she wore. Marni admired the dress but otherwise would have just sat and ignored the other, if not for the fact the other woman spoke to her first.

"Hey dere." She greeted. "I'm Ann. Y' got a letter too? Y' look lost."

"Marni." Marni introduced herself since it was only polite, and nodded. "This morning. Wish I had more notice. I had things to do today. Do you know why we're here?"

"Someone's got some'n fo' us." Ann answered. "Why I us'lly get called. Dat's always 'round Christmas, do. Don't know why dis time." Ann paused thoughtfully, and pulled her purse from the floor to her lap to search through it. "Marni… Dat's familiar…"

"I don't think we've met." Marni stated, well aware she didn't leave her home enough to meet many people at all.

"Y' don't have t' know me but I'm fair sure dis is fo' you." Ann said matter-of-factly, pulling a sealed jar of purplish clear liquid from her purse and pushing it into Marni's hand. "Someone wanted it fo' you."

Marni didn't get the chance to ask what Ann meant before a man stepped into the room. Stepped was an understatement, in fact he practically danced in, a basket on his arm and a smile on his painted face. He had glasses on, but strangely no lenses, and smelled strongly of dirt. He set the basket down on the empty desk and pulled Ann out of her seat and into a clearly improvised jig.

"Baron Samedi! Had a feelin' y' was de reason I got sent in here." Ann greeted, going with it much to Marni's mildly terrified confusion.

"Mama Ann! Pretty as de day y' died." The Baron returned with a hearty laugh. 

"Flatterer." Ann scolded halfheartedly. "What'd my boys send me dis early in de year?" 

"Some'n a bit unintended." The dance stopped, Samedi growing solemn and removing his hat. He turned to Marni. "Its fo' you too. Shit luck on dis one." 

Samedi turned away, opening the basket on the desk and pulling out a drowsy but awake infant. It had tanned skin and wavy dark hair and its eyes were bright even though it seemed too tired to move on its own. Samedi held it up for both women to see. Children, especially babies, were pure beings. They were wholly innocent, and therefore if they died before knowing rights and wrongs they would go to Heaven automatically to be given to their next of kin. In this case that meant both Anntionette Landry and Marni Altobello.

"Poor sucker caught a bug but she'll be a'right now." Samedi assured.

"Well damn." Ann said, sounding more surprised than mournful. "Here I was worried Alastor would die alone."

"He did!" Samedi confirmed cheerfully. 

"O' course." Ann nodded, then huffed out a laugh. "Dat boy _would_ have t' die 'fore he settled down."

"Is this…?" Marni started, looking at the baby closer. "Can't be Molly's…"

Samedi smiled, pulling a slip of paper out of his sleeve. "Got a few names down an' crossed out. Damn, even de 'Altobello' got crossed off. Disowned, huh? Poor bastard. Wait. No. He disowned hisself. Now he's goin' by 'Angel Dust-Landry'."

Marni frowned at the disowned comment, the strongest emotion to show on her face so far. "Let me down to Hell for a day. I'm gonna kick Henry's ass."

"Now don't go gettin' violent. Y'all got a baby to set an example fo'." Samedi tutted. 

"She got a name?" Ann asked, reaching for the child which the Baron handed over easily.

Marni, unsure how to take any of this, just occupied her hands with the jar she was holding, but did eventually have to give into to her need to prod at the baby's hand.

"Her name's a number since she got so many sisters and brothers and even a few others." Samedi said. "Dat's lucky little Thirteen."

Alastor should have expected the dogs, he supposed. He _had_ asked Papa Legba to keep the other children safe and knew Legba favored the awful beasts. Still it was nerve wracking to see an entire pack of dogs prowling the perimeter of where the other children were fenced in. Like shepherds guarding sheep, Alastor couldn't help but make the connection. He grew somewhat angry at the fact his children were being treated like livestock, though he supposed they weren't really his anymore.

Most of the children were very similar visually to the two he and Angel kept; Hexapedal, furred, fawnish, very small, and colored in varying patterns of white, pink, red, and black. A few had stark differences. He could see a full eight legs on one, a lack of visible esrs on three, and even a couple with parts of their skeletons outside of their skin. Some had only skin with no fur to be seen.

Several shadowy tendrils were tending to them, meeting needs as soon as a child so much as whined since Kalfu wasn't strictly tied to his physical body and could orchestrate the use of shadow even better than Alastor could. Though the children were many, they hadn't been neglected. 

"They look healthy." Alastor remarked as he watched one of the fawnlings attempt to stand only to tumble over and be caught by one of the many shadows. He to mentally restrain himself from moving closer to the fence or flinching away when one of the dogs stepped too close for comfort.

"I didn't take dem jus' to kill dem." Kalfu huffed, rolling his eyes. 

Alastor wisely refrained from pointing out that Kalfu seemed to want to take more. He didn't want the Loa viewing as another offer. "Why did you take them?" He asked instead, not understanding what Kalfu was gaining from all of this.

"Y' was gon' have t' crush dem as eggs." Kalfu pointed out. "An' I know y' too soft-hearted t' do dat. Didja a damn favor. Been doin' y' favors. Don' know why y' hate me still."

"I don't hate you." Alastor corrected. "I just don't trust you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk if y'all read Merry Crisis but if so, yes the stuff in the jar is blueberry moonshine.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor comes home to a little house party and he's not in the mood for that at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Return of the giant nightmare bambi! Now in dad flavor.

Alastor came home to a full house. Instead of just the addition of Husk, there were also Angel's siblings. Molly and Angel were seated on the floor, both brushing Vinnie and tying colorful ribbons to their ears and tail. Arackniss was seated at the counter, watching with the mildest disinterest and quite possibly having zoned out entirely. Husk was on the couch with Jim in his lap, the smaller baby sprawled out and sleeping.

That would have all been fine, they were all family, but there was also a cobra on the couch idly chatting with Husk.

"What is that buffoon doing here?" Alastor asked, too emotionally drained to outright throw the snake out but still not wanting him near his children.

"He likes kids." Husk answered with a shrug. 

"Your soul-snatching interrupted a conversation I was very invested in." Pentious explained further.

After seeing his other children fenced in like animals and having to deal with a man he tolerated at best and feared at worst, the last thing Alastor wanted was a near stranger in his home. 

"Sir Pendulum--"

"Pentious."

"Whatever." Alastor huffed. "I don't care for your presence around my family since your little science experiments nearly ripped my husband's skin off. I respect that Husk has a fondness for you but if I can still see you after five seconds I will be obligated to flay you."

"I don't think you know what respect means." Pentious shot back.

"It's fine, Smiles. He ain't tried nothin' funny." Angel defended softly, leaving Vinnie to Molly and standing. There was concern in his eyes, and that brought guilt to the forefront of Alastor's mind. Angel still didn't even know about their other children, as Alastor still couldn't find the right way to tell him. It was too late now. He knew Angel would be angry. He couldn't handle that. He couldn't handle any of this right now.

 **"Just get out of my house!"** Alastor shouted, a painful ringing accompanying his voice.

Jim woke up, starting up screaming which got Vinnie started too. The sound also jolted Arackniss out of his daze, a gun in his hand quickly before he realized there was no immediate threat. Molly tensed too, but she was a little slower on the draw since she was still holding her neiphew. 

"Okay, party's over." Husk said, shifting Jim gently to the floor where he scooted himself toward his sibling.

"Oh _nice_ , Al." Angel huffed, picking Jim up. "Go take your skin off and lay down for fuck's sake. You let me sleep. It's your turn Mr. Pissy."

Too drained to argue, Alastor did just that. As soon as he stepped into the bedroom he released his hold on the smaller humanoid shape he usually held and grew to his proper shape and size; A giant skull-faced stag. He flopped down onto the large bed with a rumbling grunt and listened to the rest of the house. He could hear Angel bidding the guests goodbye and ushering them out, calming the crying babies a few minutes later. 

An hour passed before Angel came into the room and leaned against Alastor's shoulder. "Where'd you go?" He asked after checking to see if Alastor was still awake or not. "I tried callin' but it didn't go through. Must've been somewhere shitty if you're this worked up. Usually you like a bigger audience."

"My father called me." Alastor answered.

"Finally askin' us for somethin' back, huh?" Angel asked and sighed. "The fuck does he want?"

If any time was the right time to let Angel know, it was after a question like that. But then Alastor thought of how pained he felt to know of children that were there, alive and real and out of reach. Surely not knowing would be a mercy?

"I handled it." Alastor answered, not a lie but still not quite right.

Angel squinted at him. "Ain't it my shit to handle? I made the fuckin' deal."

"It benefitted both of us, so either of us could have handled it. And I did." Alastor continued, wishing Angel would just drop the subject.

"What'd he want?" Angel asked, stubborn as ever. 

Alastor fell silent, unable to come up with an answer. He couldn't lie to Angel. Sooner or later this had to come out.

"He wanted de chil'ren we weren't keepin'." Alastor answered.

"You didn't get rid of them…" Angel said, his tone giving nothing away but he felt the spider withdraw from him. "You were supposed to crush them."

"He took dem 'fore I could." 

"It's been fuckin' months! Almost their fuckin' birthday." Angel spat, and there was the anger Alastor had expected. "And you're telling me this shit _now?_ "

"It was never de right time." Alastor defended.

"The right time was as soon as it happened!" Angel snapped. He rooted around in a pocket, and Alastor heard the click of a lighter. A sharp smell filled the air as Angel took in a shaky breath and let it out slow. "Okay." He said in a calmer tone when Alastor said nothing further.

"...Okay?"

"Okay." Angel repeated, taking another drag. "We weren't keepin' them anyway. This is… This is a good thing. We got our two. The rest ain't real. Buncha orphans in the market crash, y'know? Ain't our kids, ain't our problem." 

"They're our children, Angel." 

"Okay let me put it this way. I got probably a hundred cousins. I'm from a big family, y'know? But ain't even met a fifth of them." Angel explained further. "I know they exist but they ain't real to me."

"They're real to me." Alastor sighed. "I saw them today."

Angel sighed and left the room. A second later Alastor closed his eyes and swallowed the urge to thrash his head to let his antlers destroy whatever was in the way. It wouldn't solve anything. Instead he lay still. He wondered if this was what Kalfu actually wanted; For Alastor to suffer with the knowledge that he had to watch his children be cared for by someone else while his family fell apart. Surely it would be amusing and perhaps very fitting to a lefthanded Loa that let his own son be raised as a human.

To his surprise, Angel came back, holding both children. Alastor opened his eyes and looked up, chuffing softly as he felt his children's paws stick to the fur of his neck, clinging even in their sleep. 

"These two are real." Angel said. "These two are ours. If the rest are bein' taken care of great, but they ain't ours like these two are." Angel curled up against the soft furry flesh behind Alastor's exposed ribcage, almost in the crook of his hip. "Just love the ones you got. You been doin' pretty good at that so far."

"I heard you leave…" 

"You stressed me the fuck out. I was finishin' my blunt outside." Angel shrugged, petting Alastor's coarse fur. "Ain't gonna smoke around the kids. They'll get asthma or some shit."

Alastor wasn't sure that was how asthma worked, but it was good to know Angel wasn't going to let his, admittedly more controlled, drug habits affect their children.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids hit a few developmental milestones.

Most spiders were pretty much independant as soon as they hatched and deer could walk mere hours after birth. Still, the children were mostly human past the odd appearance. Due to all of these factors, neither Angel nor Alastor were sure when to expect certain milestones.

It served as quite the surprise when Angel noticed Jim was halfway up. Specifically the back half, his little tail waggling as he tried to get his four front legs under him. 

"Al get in here!" Angel called loudly.

"Cooking!" Alastor shouted back. "I can't move."

"Breakfast can burn!" Angel said as he fumbled to bring up the camera on his phone. "Jim's tryin' to stand up!" 

There was a loud clatter as Alastor literally dropped what he was doing., The noise was loud enough to startle Jim, who kicked out and immediately lost what balance he had and fell onto Vinnie with a squeak. Luckily it didn't stop him from trying again, using his annoyed sibling to lean on as he tried to get up again.

Alastor had just made it to the doorway in time to see their son get all six legs steady, only for Vinnie to decide they didn't care for being leaned on anymore. They scooted away and Jim staggered, but stayed on his paws. Alastor laughed, pride swelling in his chest at the sight while Angel tried to stifle his own tears of joy while he recorded the moment. But then Vinnie scooted back to their brother, knocking one of his hind legs in the process and Jim tumbled over again. Vinnie managed to stand up two days later in the same hour that Jim took his first shaky steps. In a week they could both manage a few stumbly steps before falling over. Vinnie seemed convinced they could learn to run first, so it was taking them a fair bit longer to really walk. Angel and Alastor helped them along, holding the barrel of their body steady while they took their first steady steps.

It was sort of a blessing that Vinnie was taking longer, as every time they managed to go anywhere it seemed with the intent to cause trouble. Suddenly every time Angel turned around Vinnie was chasing Nuggets, pulling the cloth off the table and bringing everything on it down with it, or gumming on something they shouldn't be which was a sign teething was on the way. Alastor was using more magic to save his child from themself, since more often than not they were doing something at least mildly dangerous. Jim was better behaved, often serving to distract Vinnie from mischief unless Vinnie could influence him otherwise. The deer in them was strong and the spider was showing in increasingly inconvenient ways.

It was almost frightening to be woken up in the middle of the night, Vinnie babbling at the doorway of the bedroom before climbing onto the bed to startle their parents. The bed was more of a very large cushion on the floor anyway, made to accomodate Alastor's true body, so that in itself wasn't that impressive. The odd bit was the fact that Vinnie was out of the nursery at all.

It was after the kids' first hatchday by now and the both of them were well used to walking but they didn't have the freedom to do so at night, which they had thankfully started sleeping through. Usually. Even if their eating schedule had slacked enough to get through a full six hours they still sometimes woke and needed attention. Even then they would still be in their crib and a father would have to go to them. This was the first time a child had gone to their father instead.

"Ooh, a jailbreak!" Alastor cheered, unhelpfully.

"Who let you outta the crib? Angel asked more seriously, since Alastor was in bed with him and therefore definitely hadn't released the little terror.

"Aaabuhbubbbbt." Vinnie said, speaking the nonsense language of babies before putting an entire paw in their mouth.

"Hm. Don't know anyone by that name. Angel, how about you?" Alastor answered, far too playful for how late it was.

Angel rolled his eyes and picked Vinnie up. He took them back to the nursery, putting them in the crib and gawking when they jumped right back out over the rail and onto the floor. Jim, formerly asleep but having been woken up by his sibling's laughter, decided to join them by crawling out. He'd figured out his paws could cling to surfaces just as well as they could to his sibling and fathers.

"That's gonna be an issue…" Angel thought out loud. "I guess it's a slumber party until we figure out how to keep you two outta trouble." He decided, hefting both children up under his arms and carrying them to bed.

"Did we leave the side unlatched?" Alastor asked as the children were dropped onto the bed next to him. Both went for a snuggle which he gladly obliged.

"No they let themselves out." Angel explained. "Vinnie's a jumper and Jim's a climber."

"Oh." Alastor said, and thought of the dangers the house presented to toddlers that couldn't be properly contained from wandering. "We'll need to put a door up at the stairs to the basement then."

"Yeah." Angel agreed, pulling the blanket snuggly around the kids before laying down as well to block them in between his husband and himself. "Babygates ain't gonna do shit."

"Shit!" Jim declared, and Alastor let out what was probably the most defeated sigh Angel had ever heard.

"Could have been 'dada' or 'papa'." Alastor lamented. "I'd have even been happy with 'nugget' or 'piggy'. But he says that."

"Vinnie could still say one of those." Angel pointed out, trying to keep his face level but failing spectacularly and only managing to look like he'd licked a lemon.

"Sha?" Vinnie said a moment later, and Alastor decided he'd take it, even if Vinnie was only trying and failing to copy their brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Between being human-minded, having demon bodies based around animals, and being ¼ loa i get to play with when the kids can do what which is pretty fun.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angel has a serious realization.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting yesterday. Had a birthday and a migraine and those fucked me up on thoughtspace. Im back on track though.

The problem areas of the house were the basement, the stairs to which were now blocked by a locked door, and Angel's 'office' which also stayed locked. Originally Alastor thought doors would be enough without the locks since neither child had hands but sticking paws had turned out to be enough to twist a doorknob. He'd had to catch Jim from tumbling down the stairs with his shadow, having been out of arms reach of his son at the time.

"Shit." Jim said in frustration at not being allowed to fling himself down the stairs.

"No. That's a bad word. _Bad._ " Alastor scolded lightly, not wanting to discourage his son from speaking at all but trying to get him to say anything else. He took Jim from his shadow's arms and shut the door, locking it and holding the fawnling up to his eye level. "Can you try to say 'papa'?"

"Baaaaaad!" Vinnie shouted, galloping past at full speed, under the table and into the kitchen. There was a wooden clatter as they knocked something over, quite loudly, and Nuggets ran out of the kitchen with a terrified squeal. A moment later Vinnie was crying and Alastor sighed.

"Well damn, Vinnie. That's gravity." Angel said, picking the crying child out from under the overturned stool. "You knock your noggin? Let Daddy see."

Vinnie continued to cry but rubbed their head where they'd been hurt, and Angel gave them no less than twenty kissies between the ears before they were laughing instead.

"We should check them for a concussion." Alastor suggested.

"They're a demon. They'll be fine." Angel dismissed, releasing Vinnie to continue wreaking havoc on the pig.

"They're _alive._ " Alastor pointed out, realizing after the fact that Angel wasn't aware that the demonic healing they both had wouldn't apply to the twins. He had to make sure Angel knew there were actual consequences to letting the children get hurt past purely mental trauma. "One of the others died because they got _sick._ "

Angel glared at the new information. He'd been under the assumption that any injuries would heal themselves and while he hadn't been actively letting injury occur he was a little lax about accidents. Kids got hurt all the time; Scraped knees, bruises from falling down, accidental burns from touching things they shouldn't. Nothing major had happened so far aside from tripping, usually Vinnie, but he had counted on demonic regeneration being a factor.

"...Babe, you gotta fuckin' tell me these things when you learn them. Quit leavin' me out of important loops." Angel huffed, then left the kitchen to chase down Vinnie so he could check their pupils. 

"Shit." Jim repeated, his vocabulary still stuck on the one word. 

"I agree but will you please say anything else." Alastor prompted. "How about 'sha'? That's close. Vinnie can say 'sha'."

"Shit!" Jim shouted, kicking his legs to be put down.

"Their eyes are all fine!" Angel called from the bathroom. "No brain damage."

"Oh good!" Alastor cheered, letting Jim down.

Vinnie was back to running as soon as Angel had confirmed they hadn't knocked their brain loose, and tackled their brother. Jim squawked and rolled the both of them, snapping his jaws at his sibling's face.

"No biting!" Angel said in a sharp tone that got both children's attention as he was now taking any scrapes and bruises they got far more seriously. 

"No!" Jim said, at last expanding his vocabulary, and _that_ at least Alastor was glad for.

"No!" Vinnie cried out shrilly, and they and their brother traded 'no's at each other for the next few minutes.

The next day Alastor woke up alone. He could hear the children in the nursery whining to be let out, but the door was locked. Instead of letting them out right away, he decided to see where Angel was and why he hadn't already released them. He investigated only to find every sharp corner of the table and counters were thickly padded in silk. Outlets were likewise blocked even though the children had no fingers to stick into them, and all of the cutlery, even the dull ones like spoons, were missing from the kitchen drawers. Looking further, Alastor found Angel on the bathroom floor, vigorously scrubbing what smelled like far too highly concentrated bleach into the grout between floor tiles. Enough bleach to burn the fur off of his fingers and rash the skin, Alastor noticed and wondered to himself why Angel hadn't put on gloves.

"They ain't fuckin' croakin' on my watch." Angel said as his only explanation. "You said the one got sick, right?"

"I'm glad you're taking this seriously but I think you may be going a tad too far." Alastor said quietly. 

"I'm goin' far enough." Angel protested. "We're in Hell. Probably real fuckin' easy to get an infection but we don't even fuckin' notice cuz it ain't like it matters when our body heals so quick but if the babies can't just walk shit off then I don't wanna risk it!" 

"You're hurting yourself…" Alastor pointed out.

"I'll be fine!" Angel snapped. "But they won't be. Fuck, Al, just let me fix the fuckin' house."

"Y' bleedin'." Alastor said softly, pulling Angel up and toward the sink to rinse the spider's cracked hands.

"It don't fuckin' matter for me!" Angel protested, trying to pull away but unable to fight his husband's iron grip. He'd begun to cry, trying to hold back but failing. "What the fuck were we thinkin'? We're in _Hell._ They're just kids. They ain't supposed to be here…" Angel fell silent after that, mournful as he finally let Alastor clean and wrap his hands.

"We was thinkin'..." Alastor began, then thought better of his phrasing. " _I_ was thinkin' that I love you, Angel, an' it sho would be a swell thing dat even if we can't grow old togeder, stuck like we are, den at least we can help some'n else grow. Anyway imps an' hellhounds breed like damn cockroaches so why should we deprive ourselves of such an experience!" 

"They're gonna suffer down here…" Angel said, defeated.

"They'd suffer on earth." Alastor reasoned, pulling the other into a crushing embrace. "That's life. But we can protect them. We can love them. They'll turn out just fine."


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angel has counselling with Charlie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning this chapter is kinda heavy.

Charlie Magne was Hellborn. Angel knew this on some level, but hadn't really thought about it until she'd offered advice about the children during a counselling session. He needed the reassurance after his episode while over-babyproofing the house and while Alastor had consoled him he needed more than that to really calm his nerves. Charlie was trying but so far it wasn't going well.

"You seem really concerned about their mortality." Charlie had phrased it bluntly, trying for reassuring but coming up short. "Just being born here means they'll be stronger than a standard sinner."

" _You_ can say that." Angel said, rolling his eyes and crossing the set of arms that wasn't holding a pillow to his stomach. "You're half archangel. You took a holy knife through the chest and shook it off."

"Imps and hellhounds are strong too!" Charlie stated. "They don't regenerate from lethal injuries but they don't get hurt easily in the first place!"

"Yeah well my kids ain't tadpoles or puppies." Angel huffed. "They're weirdly shaped humans. They may as well be fuckin' glass."

"Were you going to let them get hurt before?" Charlie asked.

"Of course not!" Angel said sharply. "I just thought there'd be wiggle-room to fuck up. Shit happens, y'know? Especially down here. No one brakes their car just cuz there's someone in front of it cuz that someone'll get up later. You can shoot yourself or jump off a building as a joke, cuz you'll get up later. And I don't know how well I can protect them from all that. They're gonna grow up and have friends and their friends are gonna do stupid shit so then they'll wanna do the stupid shit too. They could take after my dumb ass and take too much but they _won't get up._ If they… Fuck, they're gonna get old if they're lucky. _When_ they die where do they even go?" Angel rambled, his claws digging into his arms and the pillow. "Can I get them to Heaven raisin' them here? Will they remanifest as sinner demons? Somewhere else?"

"I can't answer that." Charlie admitted. "This is a really rare situation. It might even be the first time it's ever happened!" She said excitedly, then noticed how hard Angel was gripping his arms. "Watch your claws." She reminded softly, this not even being nearly the first time she'd had to say it.

"Fuckin'..." He forced his hands away from his arms, noting that they came away bloody. "See?" He asked, gesturing to the minor wounds he'd given himself without realizing, which were already starting to close over. "It ain't like I'm a good example for shit! I'm gonna ruin them…"

"All new parents have to learn." Charlie said, plainly reciting from a textbook. 

"Alastor seems to be handling shit just fine." Angel pointed out. "He already knows what to do."

"Then you have him to learn from!" Charlie pointed out, then grew serious. "Angel you lost your mom early and your dad's--"

"An ass." Angel finished for her quickly. "Trust me sweetheart, I ain't followin' _his_ example."

"Then what example _do_ you have?" Charlie asked, and that at least put a few things into perspective. 

Angel had always gotten more affection from his siblings than his father. Even before shit hit the fan Henroin had been emotionally distant. Always busy and clearly favoring Arackniss over the 'girls'. Arackniss had tried taking over the gap their mother's loss had left but Arackniss was only four years older. Angel hadn't realized just how much Arackniss had to step up at the time while their father kept shifting between trying to keep the Business running, grieving, and trying to keep the family under some sort of control. Sure Angel had been a child but Arackniss was just a kid too. He tried but it was still too much to take on.

"My brother, I guess. And Molly too but mostly Arackniss." Angel answered. "He didn't know what the fuck he was doing either. He's a better option than dad but still just kinda kept us fed and let us do whatever. So long as we weren't playin' with guns unsupervised, y'know? Not great."

Alastor, on the other hand, had been raised by a single but very loving mother. Angel often complained of his father but Alastor never had a cross word about his own aside from a mention of switchings which Alastor didn't actually seem too bothered by. Discipline was sometimes a thin branch across the rear and that was just how things were in Alastor's time and place as a child. Even so Alastor also mentioned that it was a rare occurrence since Alastor didn't actually get in trouble often. Of course Alastor already knew how to treat their children, because he had been a well treated child. 

It was an unfair comparison to make, and Angel realized he probably shouldn't be trying to compare anyway. This wasn't a contest of who could be a better father. It was trying to be good fathers together. He was trying, and thought he was even doing well before all the worry rushed in and overshadowed everything else. 

"I think you should talk to your brother about when you were kids. Really _talk._ " Charlie suggested. "Ask him what he would do differently if anything?" 

"He don't like dwellin' on what's passed." Angel declined.

"I think you need it." Charlie said softly. "He might need it too." 

"Don't fuckin' therapy my brother through me." Angel grunted.

"I'm just making the suggestion." Charlie tutted, but dropped it. "Let's get on a higher note before you leave. Have the babies learned anything new since last week?"

"Not really something they learned, but we found out they got my venom." Angel said, trying not to sound as terrified of that as he was and aiming for a more proud tone. "Vinnie took a chomp at Husk last time he was over. Poor kitty had his claws in the carpet trying not to fall off the floor he was trippin' so bad."

Charlie covered her mouth, forcing composure before she let out a laugh. She was a professional right now and had to act like it. "Well I owe him an apology for scolding him over the hangover he came back with…" 

"Didn't take his chip did'ja? He loves those stupid things." Angel asked.

"They aren't stupid!" Charlie huffed. "You're just mad you don't have any."

"Oh no!" Angel said dramatically, leaning sideways in his chair. "You caught me! I'm jealous over some shitty plastic!"

The session ended with Angel in a better mood overall, but with a few pins sticking into his mind. Instead of calling Alastor to bring him home, or walking there on his own, he pulled out his phone. He didn't want to bother his brother with all of the shit that was on his mind, but there was one person he didn't mind taking his negativity out on.

 _"Hello?"_ A tired, gruff voice answered. _"The fuck is this?"_

"Hey dad." Angel said, a well-aged pit of rage settling heavily in his chest. 

_"Angel."_ Henroin acknowledged. _"Didn't know you had my number."_

"Yeah. I'm comin' over to yell at'cha." Angel huffed.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angel has a talk with his father.

Angel had a whole rant ready when he was invited into the Altobello house. He always did, on the very rare occasions he went there. Usually because he was there against his will. This time felt different, just for the fact he was there of his own free will. It fell out of his mind as soon as his father opened the door. Henroin looked his age, which was a rarity in Hell. He didn't speak, just looked down at Angel expectantly. Angel realized he didn't need to shout to be heard this time, and that fact made him forget what he had wanted to say in the first place.

"Come in." Henroin offered quietly when the silence had stretched too long, opening the door wider. "If you still wanna be here. If not I'll drive you home."

Angel sighed and took the offer, passing his father's much larger form to stomp his way into the living room. He settled heavily onto the couch. Henroin followed, taking the big chair at the corner that Angel knew no one else was allowed to sit in. 

"Did you care about me?" Angel asked, not fully intending to.

"I still care. I always did." Henroin answered. 

"Then why send me away?" Angel sighed. 

"I thought it was the right thing to do. I thought you were sick. You needed someone to fix you." Henroin explained.

"I wasn't broken 'til after…" Angel trailed off, his face scrunching in disgust. "No. I ain't broken." He amended. "I was never broken and I never needed fixin'. What I needed was some fuckin' understanding."

"People would've hurt you if you kept on how you were goin'." Henroin reasoned, but he didn't sound defensive. 

"I got hurt _worse._ " Angel admitted. "You didn't even know what you set me up for, did'ja?"

Henroin sighed and shook his head. "You came back crazier than you left and nobody'd tell me what happened aside from why your eye was bandaged."

So Angel told him. All of the pain and abuse and gaslighting he'd gone through. Things he couldn't process in the moment but remembered later. Even the shit he hadn't been able to tell Molly, and Henroin surprised him by really listening. Even when Angel started shouting like he'd meant to do in the first place, blaming his father for every raw nerve he had, Henroin simply sat and took it.

"I didn't do right by you." Henroin admitted mournfully when he was sure Angel had finished, tears streaking freely down both of their faces. "You got every right to be pissed at me for puttin' you in the nuthouse. But I didn't know what they'd do to you and I'm sorry."

"Bein' sorry don't change shit." Angel spat.

"I know that." Henroin nodded. "I still am. And I know this probably don't mean shit to you but I'm proud of you."

Angel didn't even know that was something he needed to hear until he did. A choked sob escaped him before he could stop it. He got himself under control quickly, the larger spider waited for him to calm down before speaking again.

"What brought this on so sudden?" Henroin asked.

Angel hesitated before answering, pulling his phone out of a pocket. "I uh… I have kids now." He pulled the gallery up and stood to pass it over.

"How'd you swing that?" Henroin ask, fishing a set of eight-lensed glasses out of a pocket to squint down at the picture Angel was showing him. 

It was a candid photo of both children curled up on Alastor's chest, Vinnie with their whole paw in their mouth and Jim sleepily gnawing on a teething ring. All three were in the rocking chair of the nursery, Alastor reading Charlotte's Web to them with one eye closed since he was in pajamas and his monocle was off. 

"Voodoo."

"Huh." Henroin said as he studied the picture. "What are they, goats?"

"Deer." Angel corrected. "And spiders cuz of us. Just really fluffy ones."

"Funny lookin'." Henroin smiled, handing the phone back. "Shouldn't they be more people shaped?"

"Fuck off. They're beautiful." Angel scoffed. "And Al can shapeshift. He's not actually people shaped and the kids are halfway him."

"They can be beautiful and funny lookin'." Henroin said, "Hell knows you were. You and Molly both looked like hairless bulldogs as babies."

Angel groaned, but he felt better.

"Molly told me you went and got knocked up." Henroin admitted. "She didn't tell me shit else. What are their names?"

"The red and white one's Jim. The black and pink one is Vinnie." Angel answered simply.

"Like Vincent or Vanessa?" Henroin asked.

"Just Vinnie." Angel shrugged. "Not everybody's one or the other."

Henroin was openly confused at that, but knew better than to question it. With any luck, Angel wouldn't shut him out again and he didn't want to risk the second chance to really get to know his son the way he had been too small minded to do before. 

"I don't want my kids to hate me like I've hated you for decades." Angel admitted. "And I sure as fuck don't want them gettin' hurt."

"Then it's a good thing you're nothin' like me." Henroin said, approval clear in his tone. "You feel like stayin' for dinner?"

"Nah. Al's waitin' on me. Maybe later?" Angel deflected. "Get Molly and Arackniss over. Al and the kids too. Make it a party."

"Sure." Henroin nodded. "Sounds nice."

"That offer to drive me home still open?" Angel asked. "You can meet the kids if you want."

"Of course." Henroin agreed, standing to grab his keys.

"Don't pick them up though. Vinnie still hasn't grown out of their bitey phase and they practically drool lsd." Angel warned. "You'll lose your mind and probably a finger."

"Should bottle it and sell it." Henroin suggested.

"I'm not gonna fuckin' exploit my babies." Angel rolled his eyes. "When they get older they can do that if they want. Be little entrepreneurs."

"Just shootin' you an idea. Business-like, you understand." Henroin sighed. "Kids get expensive. Especially sendin' them to school. You gotta think forward, son." 

"I'll just get back to workin' then. Been slackin' a lot since they hatched." Angel admitted.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henroin meets the kids and Alastor and Angel have a talk.

"Did y' have a nice time at de Hotel? Us'lly don't stay so long." Alastor called from the nursery when he heard the door open and Nuggets' hooves scramble to greet Angel. He was on the floor trying to show the children how blocks could be stacked to create things in an effort to enforce Quiet Time but they both were more interested in knocking down whatever he made, and in Vinnie's case yelling. "Whoopsie!" He stated whenever the blocks fell, and wound up teaching the twins a new word that way. 

He stood to leave the nursery, still talking as he walked. "De babies still got no 'preciation for peace but we--Oh." He interupted himself, surprised to see Henroin of all demons in his living room.

"That what you actually sound like?" Henroin asked incredulously. "Damn those kids are gonna sound weird." 

Alastor stomped a foot, as some ingrained instinct belonging to the deer portion of his mind urged him to do. Both children had been following him but at the stomp they retreated a fair few paces back, Vinnie crowding their brother protectively behind them and snarling. Pulling into his Radio Voice, he spoke up again.

"Would you like me to remove him, darling?" Alastor offered, noting that Angel looked just a bit lost.

"Nah that's okay." Angel shrugged. 

Alastor nodded and let out a quiet, odd, high and hollow sort of grunt that prompted Vinnie to relax. Jim still seemed a bit shy of the stranger in the room, but then he was the more cautious of the two anyway.

"Neat trick." Angel commented. "When'd you teach them that?"

"Deer are social prey animals. I think they just understand warnings naturally." Alastor admitted, having not known the trick existed until his body had reacted to a perceived threat on its own. He usually hated his instincts to override his human mentality but he'd never had more than himself to watch out for before Angel. "Henroin." 

"Alastor." Henroin returned. 

"Do forgive the clutter. I wasn't expecting a guest." 

"Kids make messes." Henroin dismissed.

"That's for damn sure." Angel agreed, then knelt down and opened his arms which Vinnie ran right into. "Hey there baby!"

Jim, losing the cover of their sibling, decided Alastor's legs were a good block to put between himself and Henroin. He was skittish around anyone that wasn't one of his fathers, an aunt, or an uncle, so the very large behemoth of a tarantula was just a bit intimidating. Still he knew his papa could be bigger and scarier if he so chose and Alastor only confirmed his son's trust by turning to pick the fawnling up.

Vinnie, having gotten their hug from Angel, turned to stare up at their grandfather curiously. They reared onto their hind legs and bellowed as loud as their baby-voice let them. Their jaw split as it opened, but Henroin seemed unperturbed by it. Henroin just snorted at the display and opened his own mouth, showing off a large set of fangs and a split jaw of his own.

Vinnie laughed, waggling their tail as they frollicked away. Nuggets, as a pavlovian response by now, took off running and it quickly became a high speed game of Ring Around the Table.

"You be careful!" Angel called after them. "You hit'cha head one more time, I'm shellin' out for a custom made helmet." Turning back to his father he crossed his arms and raised a brow. "Was wonderin' where they got that freaky shit. _I_ can't do that."

"Arackniss can." Henroin shrugged. "We both just don't cuz it's ugly."

"You're ugly anyway." Angel huffed, insulted on his children's behalf. "Least my kids got the faces for it." 

"Should I set out a plate for you?" Alastor offered, registering that something was up for Angel to have brought his father home or to even be willingly associating with him at all. "Haven't started dinner yet but if you're staying that long…"

"Ain't gonna trouble you." Henroin declined. "Just bringin' Angel home and stoppin' in to say hi to the little ones." 

Henroin left after that and Angel deflated somewhat. Even if he didn't outright hate his father, Henroin was still difficult to be around just for the sheer time Angel had spent angry with him. Some of it justified, a lot of it misplaced. He huffed and went to Alastor for a much needed hug.

"Jim sandwich!" Angel cheered since their son wound up gently squished between himself and Alastor. 

"No eatin' dis one. Much too fuzzy." Alastor chuckled, patting between Jim's ears, who giggled and kicked, before curling his free arm around Angel. "Y' a'right, sha?"

"Sha!" Vinnie echoed from the floor.

"I'm fine. Just… a lot." Angel shrugged. 

"Charlie an' you hit an important breakthrough?" Alastor guessed, breaking away to let Jim down when he wriggled. 

Vinnie stopped running after Nuggets around the table just long enough to switch direction to chase Jim instead. Jim shrieked in delight, having forgotten his nervousness now that the stranger was gone. 

"I think so?" Angel confirmed, though he didn't sound very sure. 

"Whoopsie!" Vinnie shouted, knocking Jim over. 

"Whoopsie!" Jim agreed, rolling to kick them off.

Angel went over the gist of both his talk with Charlie and the talk with his father. He even admitted the insecurities he had with turning out worse than his own father or just simply not being good enough as he sat to watch his children play from the couch. 

"Worryin' means y' care." Alastor stated softly, sitting next to him. "I'm worried too. Growin' up my fader was jus' a series of worse an' worse thoughts I knew on some level weren't right. Still couldn't ignore 'em til I was killin' for gain. Den killin' to eat. Ain't even realize it wasn't my thoughts 'til I met him down here." Alastor explained since they were on the subject of fathers. "Now's killin' for fun cuz it got so normal in my head it ain't no different from… Hell, it's close to sewin'. Some'n to do to stay busy."

"To be fair in Hell it _is_ normal." Angel pointed out. "Got more torture bars than fetish clubs down here. Some places are both! And that one guy that does the cannibal cookin' show."

"Don't know how he got a cookin' show when he don't season nothin'." Alastor scoffed indignantly, prompting a smile from Angel. "I need to really be here for dem. Not jus' heard an' not seen. Good thing 'bout mistakes. Y' can learn from more'n y' own."

"Yeah." Angel agreed, then noticed something out of the corner of his eye. "Vinnie, what the fuck are you chewin' on? What's in your mouth?"

Vinnie, having gotten a hold of something that sounded a lot like cracking styrofoam, only giggled and took off in a sprint down the hallway as Angel got up to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jim's and Vinnie's pwrsonalities are gonna boil down to Lawful Smartass and Chaotic Dumbass when they get older


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angel tries to take the kids to the park but has some minor car trouble.

Alastor's work consisted largely of murder and music, both of which required peace and quiet which children were not suited for. Angel's work was more cinematic but likewise quiet. The basement was mostly soundproofed but little paws running across the floor was still audible. Angel's office was also soundproofed, but knocks on the door were always quite loud. It became a cycle of one father taking care of keeping the children busy while the other worked and though it was tricky to orchestrate at first it quickly became routine.

The children were also getting bigger and needed room to run anyway so Alastor had begun taking the twins on outings provided they stayed close to him. It was easier for him to do so, being a very powerful demon and a walking legend in Hell. Most demons were smart enough to give him a wide berth and the ones who weren't were quickly flung away with a shadowy tendril. It never failed to make Vinnie laugh to watch a random demon snatched off of the sidewalk to be sent flying several meters away. 

Angel hadn't taken them out before. He knew his place in Hell. He wasn't an overlord even if he was married to one, and every time he stepped out of the house and into the city there was always some asshole that recognised him and hoped to be the john to get him back into full-contact work. He didn't want to have to put some guy getting too handsy on the ground, or worse have to shoot somebody in front of the twins. He was sure that would cause all sorts of issues. He was really hoping to break the accidental Altobello tradition of seeing a dead body before you were five even if most deaths in Hell were temporary. 

Still, there just had to be a first time.

"Outside!" Vinnie cried at the door, shoving at it with their first shoulder.

Jim was likewise pacing around the door, but he was being more passive about it than his screechy sibling.

"Not right now baby. Papa's busy." Angel tried to redirect them, rummaging through a cabinet. "You wanna cookie?"

"Wannu go outsiiiide!" Vinnie whined, even though Jim seemed to accept the offering of sweets.

Angel was all set to ignore them and let their stubborn streak run out, but then Vinnie started banging their head against the door. "Okay! Damn. Just stop that, you're gonna brain yourself." 

It wasn't the right way to handle a tantrum, giving into a toddler's demands, but Angel really didn't want to have to find out how much it would take a fawnling's skull to crack. He doubted it would take much. Quickly he swapped his house slippers for his boots and pulled on a jacket, wrestling the kids into little sweaters he had made for them himself. They were more so he could have something to grab onto without yanking fur if they tried going too far from him than warmth, but the day was on the fairer side of Hell's weather.

"Okay, outside we go!" Angel said, hiding his nerves about the situation.

"We go in the park?" Jim asked, reminding Angel that there was a shitty excuse of a park in the imp district. 

Alastor had no trouble getting there quickly given his shadowstepping, but it was too far to walk. Angel lamented the fact he'd never bothered to learn to drive as he pulled out his phone to call a taxi. Four of them bailed as soon as they realized the pick-up point was the Radio Tower and Angel groaned as he accepted the fact he would have to go into the city away from the Tower for a cabby to take his money.

"If you wanna go to the park we got a ways to go first." Angel relented, setting a lower hand on each of the twins' backs. "Stay close to me or we're turnin' right back around." 

"Okay!" Jim agreed, easily bribed.

Vinnie took a step too quick and Angel grabbed the back of their shirt before they could take off.

"The fuck did I _just_ say?" Angel reminded.

"Stay cloooose." Vinnie repeated. "I can run close!" They tried to explain. 

"What, you gonna run around me in a circle?" Angel snorted. "I ain't gonna be the guy with his kids on a leash. You keep your jittery little ass where I can see you."

"Daddy said the ass word!" Jim tattled, to Vinnie for some reason. Probably because Alastor was out of sight.

"I said 'fuck' too." Angel huffed, shaking his head as his boots passed from dirt to pavement as they reached the edge of the city. 

Angel kept to the sidewalk, shifting so that both children were further from the road than he was in case some asshole drove too close to the edge. Tally Hoe's was relatively close and he knew the people there, so that's where he started heading. It was a drag bar and therefore better than waiting at a drug den or worse. If nothing else it was a decent place to wait for a car to pick them up. It also gave him plausible deniability with ignoring catcalls since there were plenty of working girls and boys in that general area at any given time. Ignoring a whistle could get you hurt if you were alone, but safety in numbers was a virtue among hookers. One Angel still took to heart even if he was only doing cam work lately. 

"Okay hoes behave. I brought my kids." Angel said as way of both a greeting and a warning since he was familiar with most of the people loitering outside of the drag bar.

Jim and Vinnie both behaved, so well Angel half-wondered when Vinnie was going to lose their patience and go right off the proverbial rails. Then again, Vinnie was absolutely eating up the attention they were suddenly getting from Angel's old corner-buddies. Jim, understandably, was practically stuck to the side of Angel's leg as he was unused to crowds that Hell's population made it difficult to avoid. He tried for a cab again since he'd managed to relocate himself without much issue.

The driver that finally pulled up was a familiar grey demon.

"Oh hey Trevor." Angel greeted dryly. 

"It's Travis and you know it." The driver huffed, rolling his eye before noticing Angel helping the kids into the back seat. "No pets!"

"Fuck off. They're babies." Angel snapped back.

"I'm two!" Vinnie reported cheerfully as Angel tried to get them to sit in a way for the seatbelt to fit.

Jim actually helped Angel figure out how that should work, sitting sideways and tolerating the shoulder strap being across his back. It was a struggle to get Vinnie in a mirrored position and they made no secret of hating the strap as they chewed at it. It frayed quickly before they gave up on it.

"Not til your hatchday." Angel corrected. "You're _almost_ two. Quit tryin' to eat shit that ain't food."

"I'M TWOOO!" Vinnie insisted, loudly as the car started to move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Age gets a bit fuzzy when you have birthdays and hatchdays.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids make a friend at the park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep having my brain invaded by oc's i dont mean to make they just pop into my head.

"So…" Travis began awkwardly and Angel wondered why cab drivers always had to try to start a conversation. "Hottest whore in Hell's gots kids." 

"What's a whore?" Vinnie asked.

"Same thing as a hoe." Angel answered by trying to dodge the question, glaring at the back of Travis's head.

"Oh. Fancy pretty people." Jim said, clearly thinking of the prostitutes and queens at the bar. 

Travis snorted, and Angel wadded up an old receipt from his pocket to throw at him. It missed and hit the windshield. That led to the odd feeling of being scolded by his own child as Jim reminded him that throwing things was Not Very Nice and Vinnie tried to enforce a time out.

"Daddies don't have to take time outs." Angel rolled his eyes.

"No fair!" Vinnie whined.

"Life ain't fair, kid." Travis chimed in. "Death ain't either." 

"Quit tryin' to teach my kids shit. Just shut up and drive." Angel snapped and the rest of the ride went without commentary from the driver but quite a lot of commentary from the children as they called out things they saw from the windows. 

The fare ended up being far higher than Angel expected.

"Last time you took me farther for less." Angel said angrily. 

"Well last time I got to fuck you." Travis pointed out. "And this time you brought extra passengers." 

Angel groaned but left it alone, helping his kids unbuckle their seatbelts and hop out. Vinnie immediately took off like a bullet to climb on a very precarious looking jungle gym. It creaked, but Angel was more worried about rust than a fall. Vinnie had gotten quite good at sticking, crawling around on the ceiling often once they figured out that they could. Jim was more reserved, waiting for Angel's permission to go play. 

There were a couple of imps in the park walking a path with a stroller, and a dark brown hellhound playing fetch with her blue-streaked puppy. 

"Just stay where I can see you." Angel allowed, picking a bench to watch them from while Jim went to join his sibling in climbing. 

Eventually the puppy noticed the fawnlings and scurried over. Jim ran from the stranger but Vinnie very quickly made it into a game of tag and Jim came around. Angel was glad for that. He'd worried Jim's skittishness would lead to trouble making friends but it seemed so long as Vinnie was around they evened out.

The adult hellhound made her way over, sitting on the opposite side of the bench and smiling. Up close Angel noticed she had heavy scarring along what he could see of her right side, and her right arm stayed tucked to her body. He avoided staring, but he couldn't help but be curious. He wasn't about to ask though, it wasn't his business.

"Not often I see a Sinner here." She said as she sat down. "Usually have to taze their ass if I do. Must've pulled some special kind of bullshit to get two pups. Or...Whatever those are." 

"Voodoo." Angel answered simply. "They _are_ mine. Don't worry. I'm not some sicko here to lurk." 

"I can tell. They smell like you." She offered her unscarred hand. "Sorry, southpaw. I'm Brie!"

"Angel." He returned, shaking it. 

"I know. _Everybody_ knows." She said easily. "My mate was a big fan."

"Was?" 

"Dumb fuck got himself eaten." She answered, not looking very sad about it. "Got to hear the murder on the radio." 

"Oof." Angel winced. "Probably my husband doin' the killin'. Small world, huh?"

"Did me a favor." Brie laughed. "Could do without the derogatories about dogs in that episode but it's been a nicer life without the bastard." 

"Don't take it personal." Angel sighed, watching Vinnie tackle the puppy to the ground. "No biting!" He reminded quickly, out of learned reflex.

"I'm nooooot!” Vinnie squealed, knocked off of the puppy by Jim.

The three children ended up in a threeway playfight that way, shoving and pushing and rolling but laughing all the same. It was cute and only mildly worrying.

"Rizzo'll just bite back. It's okay." Brie assured. "She's a tough puppy." 

"My kids are venomous. Yours looks too little for a bad trip." Angel explained. 

"Oh." Brie said, her brow raising. "Yeah, good call." 

Angel stayed on the bench for about an hour before Jim got tired first and hopped up onto Angel's lap and tucked his face into Angel"s stomach. It was partially to hide, but also a sign that he was tired out. Vinnie, getting likewise tired, was fighting it as best they could by being even more of a jittery-fidget. Checking the time, Angel texted Alastor in hopes the deer was at a stopping point in his show to bring them home. 

"Vinnie, say bye bye and c'mere." Angel called out. "Papa's gonna come get us in a bit." 

"I don't wannu!" Vinnie shrieked. 

"Well you gotta." Angel stated firmly. 

Alastor had good timing, manifesting from the shadow of a tree as if to punctuate the statement. Vinnie ran right to him, climbing up his leg without wasting time on greetings. Alastor supported them with his arm, though his nose twitched and he sneered.

"Rizzo. Time to go home." Brie called, not waiting for the puppy to listen before running over to pick her up. The puppy whined, but Brie didn't seem too keen on actually meeting the Radio Demon regardless of being an active listener.

"Papa!" Jim cheered drowsily, looking up.

"Papa I made Jim eat dirt!" Vinnie reported.

"You smell like dogs." Alastor said disdainfully. "Baths are in order, I think." 

"Quit being speciesist." Angel huffed. "Kinda hypocritical when dogs are people down here." 

"I don't like people either." Alastor stated dryly. "Bath for you too."

Angel rolled his eyes but had no retort for that as Alastor stepped over to the bench. He gathered Jim and Angel to pull them through darkness into their home. He let Angel go but kept the children to take them to the bathroom. Angel dusted off in his office, listening to the splashing a few rooms over.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids start to grow into their inherited magic.

Alastor's powers, or at least a portion of them, had carried over to the children. It was their second hatchday when he realized as much because he had only looked away a moment before Vinnie was grabbing Nuggets's tail. Grabbing. With their hands. Most of their body was just the same but their first set of front legs had become a rough approximation of arms instead, complete with hands that had one too few fingers. Still it was impressive for a first attempt, if it actually was a first. Certainly the first that he and Angel were aware of.

Vinnie was the first to shapeshift in part but Jim was the one to master it fully. Within a month he could make himself as humanoid as Angel, though still with six limbs, ears, tail, and just a bit of a snout. It was tough to find children's clothes that allowed for extra arms, but luckily there were plenty of demons of smaller stature and Alastor could sew so Angel often bought shirts a size larger than necessary so that Alastor could tailor them.

Vinnie was slower at shapeshifting, but had discovered a talent in the manipulation of sound. Voiceshifting came easy to them, as did sound effects. Both parents were proud but hoped, just for the sake of ease, that the special abilities would halt there at least until the kids were old enough to be responsible with what they could do. No such luck, as another ability made itself known just after the twins turned four.

The children were in bed when shadows in the basement wavered oddly and Alastor noticed it specifically because it wasn't his doing. He felt through his own shadows that it wasn't an intruder, and Angel couldn't use them so that left it to be one of the children. A careful prod and he could tell it was Jim's soul guiding the new shadows, searching for comfort. Alastor quickly cleaned up his current kill, locking the body in the freezer before it could start to regenerate and hoping Jim hadn't been aware enough of his shadows to see through them.

He left the basement and headed to the nursery. The crib had been swapped for a small bed which both children were curled together in. Vinnie was sleeping, in their natural body because they couldn't hold a shifted form in their sleep yet. Jim was awake, bipedal and sitting up. He was staring forward at nothing, his expression vacant and out of place on someone so young.

"Where y'at?" Alastor asked, less the greeting and more the actual question.

Jim's ears turned toward him and he shrugged before answering quietly. "Too dark to tell…"

Alastor knelt down and took one of his son's small hands. He'd wanted to teach this skill much later, but Jim needed guidance now. It wouldn't do to let the fawnling get lost in the dark.

"Dat's cause y' lookin' too hard. None much to see between spaces. Close y' eyes an' listen." Alastor explained. "Find me. I'm with you, so dat's 'bout where y' are."

Jim did close his eyes and his tiny claws dug into Alastor's hand. His ears swiveled around a moment before locking onto Alastor's ambient static. The shadows in the nursery shifted, rippling inward before Jim opened his eyes again. His breath quickened, looking around frantically to make sure he was where he was supposed to be, and practically fell off of the bed in his haste to hide himself in his father's arms to cry.

Vinnie woke up then, confused and concerned. "Papa?" They asked, then to Jim added, "'Noder nightmare?"

"Another?" Alastor asked.

"Diff'rent…" Jim answered, and Alastor filed that bit of information away to talk about with Angel later.

"If it comes back I'mma bite it." Vinnie offered.

"Can't bite nothin'." Jim huffed, but his tears were drying.

"Yeah I can!" Vinnie protested, and snapped their jaws at the air with a loud click to demonstrate.

"Daddy says not to bite." Jim said, but he did appreciate his sibling's effort to cheer him up.

"Y' shouldn't bite jus' to be bitin'." Alastor agreed, setting a stern gaze on Vinnie for a brief moment. "But if some'n y' don't know talks to you or makes y' afraid for _any_ reason I want y' to bite wherever y' can reach."

"Anybody tries touchin' you a way you don't like, you better bite their fuckin' face off." Angel added from the doorway, having just got there. "Some reason I'm missin' the Stranger Danger lecture at eleven at night?" 

"Jim needed help with shadowmancy." Alastor answered, tucking Jim back into bed before standing. "Then the conversation got away from us."

"Damn magic babies." Angel muttered fondly, stepping in to give both children a quick goodnight kiss even though he had already done so a couple hours prior. Afterward he lead Alastor out to the livingroom and spoke quietly as he flopped onto the couch. "Please tell me he can't teleport already?"

"Not yet." Alastor answered, sitting as well and leaning up against the taller demon. "I think he can explore to a degree but not physically. He can't pull himself through."

" _Yet._ " Angel repeated. "Well locked doors were nice while they lasted. Why's he even awake this late?"

"He had a nightmare. Not the first…" 

"Gotta wonder what the monster under the bed looks like to a kid whose papa is _you._ " Angel commented, idly petting Alastor's hair.

"Evidently it looks like nothing." Alastor answered, concerned. 

"Jim's too young to be gettin' existential." Angel sighed. 

Alastor agreed silently.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim has a wander and ends up some place he shouldn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The babies are still four here. Also quick warning for gore.

It was very easy to get lost in Nothing, Jim knew. He tended to wander through it accidentally in his dreams, which got less scary over time due to familiarity. It was familiarity that he latched onto to bring himself back. Usually he could find something he knew to get to where he should have been, usually Vinnie or Papa and once or twice Daddy, who hadn't known what to do to help past just talking to him which had turned out to be enough. Usually Jim wound up wherever he had been when he fell into the dark. Not this time. No one was around to help, or at least no one had noticed he needed it. So Jim went looking for anything familiar.

It started with static, and Jim followed the sound as he usually did. Static almost always meant Papa was around and Papa always knew what to do when Jim got lost. He followed the sound of it, even when he had to push to keep his paws from getting stuck. When the static was louder and Papa's voice was clear in it, Jim jumped toward it and suddenly he was in a room he'd barely been in and had never really seen. Papa was there, as Jim knew he would be, but so was someone else.

A stranger Jim didn't know was in the chair at the center of the room, their chest opened up so wide they looked inside out. Alastor had his back to the fawnling and didn't notice until a confused and fearful cry tore out of the child's throat. Alastor turned toward it, his smile dropping entirely as Jim skittered backward away from the still moving carcass.

"It's alright." Alastor tried to assure, tossing the bloodied knife he'd been using onto the tool table. "It can't hurt you." 

"What's happenin'?" Jim asked, looking between his father and the victim.

"A bit of surgery." Alastor answered quickly. "It will be fine."

Jim was confused and scared. He trusted his papa but the person in the chair looked hurt. Very hurt. Jim had seen blood when Vinnie skinned their foreleg pretty badly once so Jim knew for a fact that bleeding wasn't a fun thing to do and the stranger was bleeding a lot. He also knew surgery was something doctors did to help people and that involved knives. Daddy didn't like doctors but Daddy did like Papa so Jim wasn't sure what to think.

"Are you a doctor?" Jim asked, trying to make sense of things. 

"No." Alastor said honestly as he wiped blood from his hands. "The man in the chair is, though. It doesn't matter. You don't need to be down here. Why _are_ you down here?" 

"I got lost so I looked for you." Jim answered through his tears.

Alastor sighed and knelt to pick his son up, tucking the fawnling's face to his shoulder. He forgot at times how others reacted to gore but he knew children could be particularly sensitive. He'd kept the basement locked at all times because of it, but doors didn't do much to prohibit shadow-walking. He carried Jim up the stairs and to the kitchen, sitting the child on the counter. Putting him straight back to bed would result in another wandering, or worse a nightmare, so a snack was in order. Children at least, though easily frightened were also easy to console. 

"Pretzels and peanut butter?" Alastor asked, "Or cranberry cookies?"

"Cranberry…" Jim answered quietly, sniffling but already calming now that he was away from the bloody body.

"Oh good, I haven't put you off the color red, at least." Alastor said brightly, trying to make a joke of it and did get a meek little smile for the effort as he handed the little bag of cookies over.

Jim crunched through two, clearly still thinking over the eyeful he'd gotten. He sniffled again, and Alastor wondered how best to handle the situation. Clearly Jim was upset and that wasn't ideal, but at least he didn't seem to fear Alastor which was favorable. 

"Why'd y' cut somebody open?" Jim finally asked.

Alastor knew his usual answer of claiming boredom wouldn't work here. Luckily he did have a somewhat justified answer for this specific kill. He'd tried to keep his work more toward righteous vengeance than just whoever happened to be in his path since the children had hatched. 

"A very long time ago someone hurt your Dad very badly." He explained, keeping details out of it. "Badly enough that Daddy still hurts sometimes, in his head and his feelings. All I know is that person was a doctor, so I've been finding every doctor that wasn't born in Hell and hurting them back." 

"Is dat what y' do for work?"

"Sort of." Alastor answered. "I record it so people can listen without getting their own hands dirty. Then usually I save parts to cook."

"We eat people?" 

"Sometimes." Alastor admitted. "If I'm cooking then usually yes." 

"Why?"

"Free meat." Alastor shrugged, wishing he had a better answer. "Be a waste to just toss the bits I cut off out with the garbage." 

"Would y' eat me?" Jim asked, worried, and Alastor laughed.

"Of course not!" Alastor reassured. "I love you. Just like we all eat bacon but not Nuggets because we love Nuggets. Family and friends are off limits."

Nuggets, hearing their name, looked up from the couch and squonked.

"Y' talk funny when y' nervous." Jim stated, a bit out of place. 

"Jus' not some'n y' needed to see for a while yet." Alastor dropped the false accent. "Angel gon be mad mad…" 

"Daddy don't like y' hurtin' people?" Jim wondered. 

"He don't care so long as it ain't nobody he know." Alastor corrected, helping Jim get down from the counter but let him keep the cookie bag since there weren't many left anyway.. "He jus' didn't want y' knowin' 'bout it dis soon. Truth gots ways o' comin' out do. Finish y' cookies. Y' s'posed to be sleepin'." 

Jim was more careful about where he jumped out of the dark. Though unintended, the scare had been quite an effective lesson in controlling where he ended up.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids get ready to start kindergarten.

"The kids are getting bigger." Husk remarked. "About ready to start school, don't you think?"

Husk had come over on invitation since Alastor decided to get a crab boil started. Jim had been put off of most meat, but fish and the like was still fine. It was outside this time, at least. Angel had invited his siblings as well but Alastor had decided to do it on such short notice and both of the other spiders were busy. It wasn't really a party anyway, just some tiny gathering thrown together last minute because Alastor was feeling social.

"You shut your fuckin' mouth. They're my babies forever." Angel huffed quickly while Alastor answered more reasonably.

"I was considering homeschooling them. They can already read and write to a degree!" He said proudly, pulling several scribbly crayon drawings with poorly penned names at the corners seemingly out of nowhere as he often did with his cane. 

"They ain't gonna have any idea how to act socially with homeschooling." Husk pointed out. "Most people just put their kids' drawings on the fridge. Not a pocket dimension or whatever the fuck that is."

"The icebox ran out of space and _I_ was homeschooled." Alastor protested, letting the drawings vanish in a puff of darkness.

"And look how you turned out." Husk said dryly. 

Angel snorted at that, and Alastor glared at both of them. Then he caught the sight of Vinnie and Jim rolling in the dry dirt surrounding the tower and conceded that Husk had a point. Jim would maybe be content to just spend time with his family but Vinnie was more social and would eventually need more friends their own age besides the one puppy Angel insisted on allowing the kids to interact with on park days. Nuggets was a good playmate but the twins were people, not pigs.

"They'll have to learn to tolerate clothing for more than an hour at a time." Alastor sighed, reluctantly giving in to the idea. 

Angel's smile dropped and he picked at his claws. "They're growin' up too fuckin' fast." 

"It's because we aren't aging at all, I suppose." Alastor guessed.

"No." Husk shook his head, reminding them that he'd been a father while living. "You'd feel about the same if you were getting older with them. It sneaks up on you." 

Between Angel shedding clothing around the house any time he decided it was too hot for them, Uncle Husker never wearing more than his hat and tie, and the children spending quite a lot of time hexapedal and therefore without a concept of nudity, it was no wonder they were both of the belief that clothes were optional. 

"If we're going anywhere on two legs you gotta wear pants." Angel stated, trying to wrestle Vinnie into a little pair of jeans. "Just like goin' to Tally's or the Hotel. Or the park."

"Pants is itchy…" Jim complained, tugging at the ones he'd been dressed in.

"You ain't wearin' pants, Daddy!" Vinnie protested, kicking the jeans right back off and shifting so that they wouldn't fit back in them. 

"I'm wearin' a skirt!" Angel pointed out. "It counts." 

Jim scrunched his little face, thinking hard as he considered his father's attire. The skirt did look a lot less restricting. "Could I wear a skirt?" He asked.

"Sure if you want." Angel answered easily.

"Me too!" Vinnie said, easily swayed. 

"Angel…" Alastor spoke up, more thoughtful about the situation. "Are you sure that's wise?" 

"If it gets them dressed, yeah." Angel dismissed. 

"It's their first day of school…" Alastor reasoned, dubious.

"Yeah. And they can't go naked. It's just kindergarten anyway, you really think the other kids are gonna give a shit?" Angel huffed. "Vinnie's got more than one dress anyway. They can share." 

Alastor sighed. He was more concerned about the teacher having something to say, but then again they were both escorting the children there and the mere sight of him he hoped would be enough to dissuade any negative comments. 

Alastor pulled his family through a shadow to the space in front of the school. A few children were playing out in the front of it since it was too early for any classes to be started. One little streak of brown and blue Angel recognised as it barreled into Jim, only to be tackled by Vinnie, and Angel had to quickly grab Alastor's arm before he did anything in defense.

"That's just Rizzo." Angel explained quietly, smiling at the little group hug lined with three wagging tails happening in front of them. 

Alastor didn't let his distrust show on his face but he let his ears curve back just slightly enough to let Angel know he wasn't happy about the hellhound puppy being so familiar with the twins. 

"You're so pretty!" Rizzo exclaimed, delighted at the sight of dresses while she herself was in a set of ripped and faded overalls. 

Alastor's ears relaxed, deciding he could tolerate just the one dog. Angel snorted, reading him easily before remembering he needed to leave the kids here. He didn't want to. It felt too soon. Still, it was what the kids would need. 

"Remember not to say any bad words around your teacher. You remember the list?" Angel reminded and both fawnlings nodded. "And don't bite anybody that don't deserve it, Vinnie." 

"They wouldn't know curse words if not for you." Alastor pointed out as they both hugged their children goodbye for the day. To the kids he added, "Watch out for each other. We'll be back in a few hours." 

Not even three hours had passed before Angel got a call to come back to get Vinnie. He wasn't sure if he was more concerned or relieved, since the house suddenly seemed too big and too quiet with just himself and Alastor in it, not counting the pig. Alastor hadn't even wanted to stay home, prefering to go to the Hotel to help Charlie with whatever idea she felt like trying out that day. Angel did decide to stay home, hoping to get a proper stream going now that there was no longer the risk of one of the kids bypassing the door just to talk to him. It didn't help much. He was bored and he missed the kids anyway and not even work was a good enough distraction, so the phone call was practically welcomed.

"Shit. Who'd they bite?" He asked, pulling on a robe and clicking the camera off much to the dissappointment of several unknown demons in the chat function. "Might need to call poison control or somethin'."

 _"There were no bites, Mr. Landry."_ The teacher corrected. _"But she did throw her desk at another student."_

"I'll be there in ten minutes." Angel stated, not sure yet if he should correct the pronoun or leave it. He'd ask Vinnie about it later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck yo gendered clothing and fuck yo desk.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First day of school didn't go well but Angel has an idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kids can be cruel and its usually cuz their parents teach them to be.

Jim and Vinnie were sitting on a bench outside of the principal's office when Angel arrived. Jim, he noticed, had wet fur under his many eyes. Before going into the office to talk to their teacher, he knelt down in front of his kids. 

"Why'd you throw a desk, Vinnie?" He asked, wanting to hear their reasoning before anyone told him differently.

"Twitch was calling Jim bad names." Vinnie reported in a righteous huff.

"What did Twitch call you?" He asked Jim, and was answered by a few slurs he'd been on the receiving end of for years but didn't even know children this age would know. 

"Okay." Angel nodded. "I gotta go talk to your teacher for a minute and then we'll go get ice cream, okay?" 

Vinnie cheered and Jim let a small smile show on his face. Angel left them there to speak with the teacher, an Imp woman with more white on her than red. Her name was Mrs. Vrite if Angel remembered correctly though he had only met her face to face once while getting the kids registered.

"Mr. Landry. Have a seat." 

"No, I ain't stayin' that long. You call the other kid's parents in? Little shit needs a lesson in not being an asshole." 

"Excuse me?" The teacher asked, caught off guard. "Your daughter broke an imps horn. Sinners may heal regrow entire limbs but that horn might not grow back."

"Not a daughter unless they tell me different, and _you_ let a student call another one homophobic slurs to the point of cryin'. As a teacher that's somethin' you should notice but you didn't do shit. My kid was defending _their_ brother and that's a good thing." Angel said calmly. "Talk shit, get hit. Right?" 

"There is a difference between words and violence." The teacher tried to reason.

"One tends to lead up to the other if the words are mean enough." Angel huffed. "See, I could sit here and call you a bitch to your face but I bet that'd piss you off enough to slap me, right?"

"There would have been no mean words if your son were wearing proper attire. Skirts are for girls." Mrs. Vrite said dryly, making no small show of eyeing Angel's robe he hadn't had time to change out of. "Not that I would expect someone like you to enforce such things."

"You really gonna go there with me?" Angel rolled his eyes. "Well you were smart to call me instead of Smiles. I'm gonna leave it. You have a nice fuckin' day." 

Angel removed himself from the office, leaving despite the teacher's protest. He picked Jim up and grabbed Vinnie's hand to walk them out to the waiting car. Arackniss was in the driver's seat and got to listen as Angel fussed over his children, encouraging and altogether a lot more worried than angry.

"Not really in trouble, I take it?" Arackniss asked, putting his cigarette out before Angel could nag him about it.

"Hi Uncle Archie!" Vinnie cheered. "I threw a desk!"

"Hey Vin." Arackniss answered, hardly phased. "That sounds excessive." 

"Nah. They did good." Angel answered, moving from the back seat to the front once the kids were properly buckled in. "We're going for ice cream if you could stop by somewhere."

"Whatever." Arackniss shrugged, pulling the car out from the school's roundabout. "Got the day free anyways. You gotta learn to drive already, it's gettin' embarrassin'." 

"Shoulda jus' wore pants…" Angel heard Jim mutter from the back seat and a spike of anger ran through Angel's chest at the fact that anyone had made his son sound so sad.

"Hey, you two got a calendar of school events, right?" He asked, reaching a hand back. "Lemme see?"

Vinnie had chewed theirs, unfortunately, but Jim handed his over and Angel read through it. There was a field day in a few weeks time in which the families of students were welcome. Angel knew it probably only meant parents or guardians, but the specific word used was 'family'. A broad term, as far as Angel was concerned.

"You quit makin' that face out loud." Arackniss said, having noticed the spreading grin on his brother's face. "Last time you made that face I endin' up shootin' Uncle Frank in the ass."

"Uncle Frank had it comin'." Angel dismissed.

"Who's Uncle Frank?" Vinnie asked, curious.

"...An accountant. Sorta." Arackniss answered hesitantly.

"I'm callin' dad." Angel decided. "Paper says family. I'm bringin' the family."

"Do _not_ put a hit on your kids' teacher." Arackniss advised.

"Relax. I'm thinkin' somethin' more fun. Not gonna hurt nobody." Angel assured, dialling his phone while Arackniss fought the urge to lay his head down on the wheel.

"Got called into the principal's office today." Angel reported when Alastor came home from the Hotel. He was at the sink in the kitchen, washing dishes from lunch. The children were in their room, coloring last time Angel had checked. 

"Oh?" Alastor asked, shedding his jacket and leaving it on the antlered coat rack. "Why? What did you do?" 

Angel rolled his eyes at the joke, though did let out a chuckle. "Vinnie pulled a pretty badass stunt." Angel answered, then explained what had happened. 

"Well I did tell them to watch out for each other." Alastor reasoned, coming around the counter and into the kitchen to lean against Angel's back. "They didn't call me…"

"People are scared of you." Angel pointed out. "I'm just some dumb hoe."

"Maybe that's how you portray yourself. People should fear you too." Alastor said softly, nuzzling a fuzzy shoulder before rising on his tiptoes to kiss Angel's cheek. "You _let_ them underestimate you."

"Easier that way." Angel shrugged. 

"Should I have a _word_ with the school?" Alastor offered.

"Nah. I'm already handling it." Angel took off his gloves and turned to face Alastor while leaning against the counter. "You can help though! How do you feel about a slight outfit tweak? What's your waist, like twenty?"

"I haven't measured." Alastor admitted. "As long as it's something modest. Why?"

Angel only smiled, a grin to rival Alastor's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was joking around with a friend on tumblr (dont know if they want me to share who they are or not) and as per usual if a joke crops up i have to write it serious so next chapters gonna be **fun.**


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feild Day has a spider infestation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also Henroin gets a brief lesson in a part of queer culture/history out of nowhere.

Henroin wasn't sure what to think when his youngest son actually called him for help. They were still mending things and he knew Angel wouldn't have asked for just himself, but with his grandson involved things made a little more sense.

"Why the fuck did you let him go to school in a dress anyway?" Henroin asked.

 _"Because there's already gonna be people tellin' him he can't do shit. I ain't gonna be one of them."_ Angel explained, and gave him instructions to bring as many of the Altobello boys as possible to a local drag bar and ask for Tally herself. 

So here Henroin was, talking to a large rooster with glitter in their tail feathers the same way he would normally reserve for talking to his own mother while the rooster in question took his measurements for a dress. A few other queens were doing the same with other various confused spiders.

"Boss's fuckin' lost it." One of the lesser spiders grumbled.

"You shut your mouth. It's for the Family." Arackniss bit back as a rodentish young man, the only worker at the bar in a suit, ran a tape measure up his inner thigh. "Hey, you uh…"

"Brodie." The rodent answered.

"Brodie. Why you need to measure my inseam for a damn skirt?" Arackniss asked.

"I don't." Brodie admitted with a smirk and a wink, and Arackniss had to bite his lip to keep his fur from puffing up.

"Don't got a single straight kid, do I?" Henroin wondered aloud, not really caring anymore.

"It's okay mate. I'm a woman with me clothes off." Brodie teased.

"Can I _leave?!"_ Arackniss asked, his voice cracking while Tally laughed.

"You leave that boy alone, baby." Tally clucked.

"Yes Mother." Brodie said, rolling his eyes and taking things more professionally from that point onward. 

Henroin raised a brow in surprise. “That’s your kid?”

“In a sense.” Tally shrugged. “Wouldn’t expect a straight man to understand but a lot of us what get kicked out of our blood families find each other and make our own. Usually it’s some lonely queen what can take care of business like me takin’ in the young’uns who still lost.” 

“That how Angel knows you?” Henroin asked. 

"No. Angel got snatched up by Valentino long before I met him. Had a contract with that bastard for fifty years, then stayed by choice 'til I guess he realized he wasn't bein' treated right." Tally relayed what she knew of how Angel wound up at the Hotel, and Henroin listened intently before she ended it with: "I'm just a bartender and a showgirl so I only know so much."

"You know quite a bit." 

"I'll admit I've tried to get Angel in my House but he just likes to visit." Tally chuckled. "He always tips real good."

"Drinks and shows." Another queen chimed in before Henroin had the opportunity to get the wrong idea."

"So this ain't a brothel?" Henroin felt compelled to ask.

"Fuck no." Tally shook her head. "I wouldn't let those babies in here if it was. 'Course if my girls and sometimes-boy feel like sellin' that's they own business. So how you want your dress to look?"

"Nothin' frou-frou." Henroin gruffed, none too pleased about the reminder of what he'd come here for.

"Don't insult me, honey." Tally said with a swish of her tail. "Got a few things layin' around. Just need adjustin' but they'll do in a pinch. You want tits?"

"No thank you ma'am." Henroin answered quickly.

"Alright. Come back in a week and I'll have your whole crew curtsyin'." Tally instructed.

"Why the fuck am I putting up with this?" Husk asked rhetorically as Niffty sat on his desk watching Pentious pull a corset tight under his wings.

"Because you didn't like the poodle skirt." Niffty answered. 

"A full dress is incomplete without _all_ dressings." Pentious pointed out. 

"I think this might be a kink for you. Crushing me so I can't breathe right." Husk rolled his eyes. "Some kind of snake instinct makes this sexy to you, I bet."

"Bet! But I don't think it's because he's a snake. I think he's just weird." Niffty was quick to call. "Twenty?"

"I'll meet that." Husk agreed.

"Oh pleassse," Pentious hissed. "I am a cobra, not a python."

"Didn't say it _wasn't_ sexy." Niffty pointed out. 

"...Ssstop making betss about me." Pentious huffed, not giving them an answer either way so that they would have to concede a draw.

Aside from that first short day, both Jim and Vinnie wore pants every day. Jim wanted to avoid another issue and Vinnie didn't mind fighting anyone over their brother, but also understood Jim's dislike of conflict. Both children had put it out of their minds for the few weeks until the day that they only had normal class for an hour and the rest of the day was sort of like recess with extra stuff going on like pizza and games. 

Other children's parents showed up, including Rizzo's mom, and Jim and Vinnie were happy to see Angel come find them through the forming crowd. Alastor wasn't far behind him. The twins were so used to seeing their papa in his regular suit or occasionally dressed down to just a shirt and sweatpants, so it was quite the surprise to see him with a knee length skirt and stockings instead of pants. 

Mrs. Vrite huffed at the sight but wasn't about to tell the Radio Demon what he could and could not wear. She expected, and even hoped for that to be the end of it but then Angel Dust approached her enough to speak without yelling. 

"Hey, remember how you said skirts are for girls?" He asked, waving a hand toward the roundabout that was only just visible from the playground. Several black vans were pulling up. "Got some guys who disagree. Thought you might wanna set them straight?"

The side of the first van opened to reveal a large black tarantula in a flashy green cocktail dress and he was followed out by several other spiders in similar attire. The other vans yielded even more spiders and a singular red winged cat in a victorian gown, mostly men and all in varying levels of drag depending on how much they had been comfortable with. Soon the school's whole front lawn was full of skirted spiders.

Mrs. Vrite blanched, backing up a step. "Why in Hell is the mafia--?"

"Before Dust or Landry I was an Altobello." Angel answered, laughing. "What, you didn't know?"

"Grandpa!" Jim cheered as soon as he noticed the flood of spiders had some familiar faces. "Uncle Archie!"

"Uncle Husker!" Vinnie said in a similar tone. "Did Papa make you put clothes on too?"

"Nah, I just felt like being pretty today." Husk deadpanned, picking up his neiphew. 

Arackniss left Jim to Henroin so he could come up to Angel just as Mrs. Vrite wisely and wordlessly retreated. He punched Angel in the lower shoulder since it was the one he could easily reach. 

"Got felt up by some dude cuz of you. You better appreciate this shit." Arackniss whispered.

"Was it Brodie?" Angel asked. "If it makes you feel better he's only a guy half the time. So I reckon you're still half straight."

Arackniss punched him harder and Angel laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When will OCs stop creating themselves and worming their way into the narrative?
> 
> Some clarification: Tally Hoe(rooster) is an older drag queen that owns the bar and lives in the upstairs bit. Brodie(gerbil) is genderfluid drag king and was a pirate before he/she died and his/her pronouns depend entirely on mood and outfit.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids don't feel well, but music's never a bad idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song used here is Yesterday Once More by Carpenters. (Link: https://youtu.be/4nO4W1_jea8 )

Angel and Alastor both were less surprised than they probably should have been when Vinnie came down with something, but both were no less worried. Given all of the things they kept eating, whether it was actually food or not. Oddly enough it wasn't a stomach ailment, but something more similar to a cold. And of course since the twins couldn't be separated for long Jim ended up catching it as well.

It was the first time since Vinnie had learned to run that they'd been slowed down by anything and both kids were sneezy, tired, and irritable. They got to miss a couple of days at school, but due to the fatigue they couldn't even enjoy the freedom. Medicine that wasn't laced with some form of liquor or hard drugs was difficult to come by in Hell as well, so there was that inconvenience.

Angel was becoming downright scared for the both of them and Alastor found himself actually _praying_ every time he heard the little coughs that it was just phlegm and not blood. It may have been a bit of an overreaction but between losing his mother to illness and knowing one of the other children had gone the same way he couldn't help but be nervous. Everyone needed a distraction, and Alastor _needed_ to do anything to feel a little less useless.

"A'right two legs time!" Alastor called, music blaring forth from his ambience. "Out of de blanket. Y' both been on de couch for hours and could do with stretchin' y' legs."

Jim was already in his shifted form, having taken to it like a duck to water, but Vinnie took a second to catch up. Alastor grabbed Vinnie's upper set of hands to pull the shaky fawnling to step up onto his feet. Angel caught on and picked up Jim, supporting him in his lower set of arms while the upper two held Jim's in a ballroom posture. 

_"When I was young I'd listen to the radio_  
_Waitin' for my favorite songs"_ Alastor started to sing.

"Ain't the Carpenters a bit past your time?" Angel snorted, surprised.

"Guilty pleasure. Don't tell anyone." Alastor winked before continuing on. " _When they played I'd sing along, it made me smile_  
_Those were such happy times and very long ago_  
_How I wondered where they'd gone _"__

Angel rolled his eyes but added his own voice as well. " _But they're back again just like a long lost friend_  
_All the songs I loved so well._ I can't believe the Carpenters is what you consider a guilty pleasure."

"Sing more!" Jim prompted as Angel spun with him. 

The fathers obliged the request as they led their children in an improvised dance, partially teaching but mostly just trying to cheer them up. It seemed to be working, even Vinnie trying to sing along when the song changed to something they were more familiar with. Even Nuggets danced, spinning in little circles and tippy-tapping their hooves.

"Two legs, Nuggets!" Vinnie reminded, their voice tainted with a gravelled quality to rival Husk's.

"Baby, Nuggets can't--" Angel started to explain, but Nuggets proved him wrong by rearing up on their hind legs to twirl for a moment. "Okay, fuck what I think then." 

"Daddy said de fuck word." Vinnie tattled.

"Swear jar, sha" Alastor scolded half-heartedly.

Angel rolled his eyes but twirled himself and Jim over to drop a dollar in the nearly overflowing jar on the counter. It was one of several by now. Every time a jar was filled it wound up on the doorstep of the Happy Hotel as an anonymous gift to put toward funding, so it wasn't actually doing much to dissuade Angel from watching his language. 

"Fuck the jar." Angel snorted.

"Dat's anoder dollar, Dad." Jim said hoarsely, though Angel was already tossing another in. 

"Yeah, yeah." Angel shrugged. "Little snitch." 

"...Is snitch a swear?" Jim asked. 

"Depends who you ask." Angel answered.

"It isn't. Even if Vinnie didn't tell me, I _am_ capable of hearin' you m'self." Alastor pointed out. 

"No he ain't." Angel whispered to Jim, who giggled while Alastor shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Big ol' ears are just for show."

"And your ears don't show at all." Alastor returned.

"...Hey yeah." Vinnie said, stepping off of Alastor's feet and climbing up Angel's side. "Where are y' ears?"

"Under my fur." Angel shrugged, having to lean now that he was under strain of the weight of both fawnlings. Even though a shift made them look smaller and take up less space their mass didn't change and they were still heavy when it was both of them.

Jim, given this new information, felt around the side of Angel's head until he felt a bit of a dip. Vinnie was less polite about it and stuck their finger right in the ear they found on the other side. Angel jolted and pulled their little hand away.

_"Ow."_ He said dryly, though it was less of a pain and more of just an odd feeling.

Vinnie choked out a giggle and hopped down, completely unrepentant.

It didn't take long for the children to tire out after that, but they were both in a better mood as they climbed back onto the couch. Having lost their respective dance partners, Angel took Alastor's hands in two of his own. Alastor could feel them shake, letting him know that Angel was worried too, even if neither of them would admit it out loud. Trying to stay cheerful was the best they could do for now. So they danced with each other while the children watched, impressed even though Angel fumbled steps and Alastor was letting himself be sloppy. It wasn't a performance that needed to be perfect, just fun for the little family.

Another day was all it took for the children's health to take an upward turn. A couple more and they were back in school with a folder of work to make up on that was mostly just coloring and basic spelling they already knew anyway.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Better to get a gender talk from someone who's been through that kind of discovery. Hell knows they won't teach anything relevant in schools.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeez this chapter is held together with duct tape...
> 
> If i start writing about jim and vinnie as adults would anybody be into that or nah?

"Am I a girl or a boy?" Vinnie asked as Alastor picked them and their brother up from school.

Alastor was caught off guard by that. "What brought this on?" He asked, buying his own time to think of how Angel might answer. 

"We got split between boys and girls in a game for class." Jim explained. 

"I didn't know where to sit so I got put with de girls… I know Jim is a boy." Vinnie said. "But I'm different so do I gotta be a girl?"

"You don't have to be." Alastor corrected. "What do you want to be?"

"Y' can pick?" Jim asked.

"Less picking, more feeling?" Alastor said, not actually sure. "Daddy knows about these things better. We should ask him when we get home, hm?"

"No shadowsteppin'." Jim was quick to say, feeling the dark curl around them before it fell away just as quickly as Alastor listened.

"It's quite the walk. Are you sure?" Alastor asked.

"Carry us!" Vinnie suggested, breaking from their humanoid form to their natural one and ripping their clothes in the process. They never could quite get extra bits like cloth to cooperate with the shift of mass like their father and brother could.

Alastor sighed. "I just sewed that back together." Still he let his own natural form take over, letting Vinnie climb up to cling to the fur of his neck. 

Jim stayed bipedal, and Alastor picked him up in his jaws. It was the last place any demon wanted to be, between the Radio Demon's teeth. But to both children it felt safe, similar to an alligator carrying its young in its mouth but snapping at anything that didn't belong. Alastor was aware of the similarity, and wondered briefly if he'd gotten just a bit of gator in his form after death. It would explain a few things, but deer was the only thing obvious and Hell didn't typically do anything subtle. 

Jim sat quietly through the whole walk home. He was typically quiet for his age so that by itself wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Still it troubled Alastor after the quick denial of going home the quick and easy way. Luckily, given his ability to manipulate sound, he could talk just fine without moving his mouth.

"Why didn't you want to go through the shadow?"

"Dere's things in dere…" Jim answered.

"Things?" Alastor prompted, wondering if it was typical childish fear of the dark or something he should be concerned about.

"Crawly things dat look like us." Jim elaborated. "Don't act like us do…" 

Alastor understood that clearly. Kalfu was letting the Others travel around and Jim clearly had caught glimpses. It brought up the question of whether Alastor should tell the twins about their many siblings or wait. He would have to let them know at some point. Was now too soon? Another question for Angel to go with Vinnie's about their identity. 

"They won't hurt you." Alastor said, sure in that much at least. "They pass through shadows just like we do. Like cars passing on a road." 

Vinnie let out a sound of a car horn, just because they could. 

Angel had only just finished taking laundry out of the washer to put into the dryer when he heard the thunderous pitter patter of paws. Followed by an even louder voice so close he dropped the box of dryer sheets.

"Dad! What am I?"

Angel looked around and, not seeing his child in a conventional space, looked up. Sure enough, Vinnie was on the ceiling. Usually the children were more deerish standing, but with their limbs spread out in such a way to distribute their weight to stick to surfaces the spider in them really stood out. 

"You're a fuckin' heart attack is what you are." Angel answered, putting his lower set of arms on his hips and reaching up with the others to let Vinnie fall into them.

"Swear jar." Alastor said, appearing in the doorway with Jim following him. He had shifted back just to be able to fit through the doors. "The topic of gender came up in school today, apparently."

"Is it another clothes issue?" Angel groaned. "Just wear whatever. As long as your junk ain't showin' who gives a shit!" 

"Swear--" Vinnie began.

"Jar. I know." Angel cut them off. "Look it doesn't matter if you're a boy or a girl or both or neither. You can be whatever you want, wear whatever you want."

"But why am I a boy and Vinnie ain't?" Jim decided to ask. 

"Because _physically_ Vinnie's a bit in between." Angel answered. "Hang on, I bought a book for this. Didn't think I'd have to explain it this fuckin' soon. I'm gonna shoot your teacher…" 

"Jar." Jim said automatically. 

"Three dollars in less than five minutes." Alastor snickered. "Shame it ain't even a record, sha." 

"Oh bite me." Angel huffed, putting Vinnie down and shutting the dryer.

It was after dinner that Angel brought the book out. It was an encyclopedia of sorts with diagrams of anatomy. He explained the differences between physical sexes and why Vinnie was both. Alastor listened, even managing to learn something regardless of whether or not he wanted to. Angel closed the book and went on to explain why gender was separate than physical sex, then assured the kids that their minds meant a lot more than their bodies did. A body was just a way to carry your brain around after all. 

"Pretty sure I'm still a boy." Jim decided easily.

"I'm gon' think 'bout it." Vinnie was slower to say, quiet for once. 

"Okay." Angel said calmly. "You can change your mind whenever. You're both little. You got all the time in the world to think it over."

It was friday so there was no school to worry about the next day, but Alastor still sent the children to bed at the usual time. Idly he noticed they were getting a bit big for the nursery and renovations were needed. He'd need to build a whole second floor, he knew. A project for later. For now, he felt the need to check on the children in his father's care.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor meets a handful of the Other Children for the first time since they were babies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might just end up making a whole original species out of these kids, theres just so many...

Alastor heard them before he saw them. Faint skittering in the dark. He tried to follow, but the sound always shied away from him. It was hard to follow someone through a shadow without touching them. You could step in from anywhere and step out anywhere within reason. Still, he wasn't a hunter for nothing and the talent had never atrophied, even in Hell. He just had to figure out where the Others were stepping out since they clearly weren't staying only where in the Nowhere that Kalfu resided.

Remembering his own descent into Hell, and having a strong hunch, Alastor stepped out into the Seventh Circle. The bloody marsh, fleshy trees, and distant shrieks of things in pain was almost nostalgic. Almost. 

"Haven't been here in ages…" Alastor said aloud to the thick, stinging air. 

As if in response, something moved to his left, drawing his ear. More skittering, a hexapedal gait he recognized well enough even if it was trying much harder than the twins ever had to be sneaky. A few other similar movements from other directions caught his attention, at least four by his count, and his grin widened as he realized he was the one being hunted now. Like how a coyote would play with a dog to get the dog to follow it to the den where the pack would rip it apart. Part of Alastor was proud that the children he hadn't been allowed to raise had a good communal hunting strategy. Another part was just a bit upset that they even felt the need to hunt. 

"Oh dear, is my father not feeding you properly?" Alastor asked, tapping his foot and switching to his natural accent. He was among family, after all. "Well? Attack me if y' gon to! If I didn't wannu see y'all so bad I'da escaped by now."

It was a dark grey thing that showed themself first, furless and just a fraction larger than Vinnie who was about the size of a great dane by now. They charged with a bellow, a she judging from the voice alone, jaw splitting and fangs dripping. Her jaws snapped around dark mist as Alastor displaced himself just out of her reach. 

"Dere y' are!" Alastor cheered. "Very good try but'cha gotta get faster." He encouraged, shifting to his larger form, flagging his tail, and running with a laugh.

As he had hoped the others came out of hiding. There were five, so his earlier estimate of four was close enough. He didn't plan on being caught, but seeing how skinny that first daughter was without puffy fur to hide her form, he resolved to kill something for them once he'd tired them out enough to have a chat. 

The others were similar in shape. One of them was predominantly red with pink spots, another was white with a black stomach and striped legs resembling a mime, another was jet black with white and red splotches, and the smallest resembled the inside of a watermelon; Bright pink with black spots across their back. All but the grey had fur, and she was the largest of the bunch. Clearly she was the leader of this particular herd. 

"Why y' in dis Ring anyway?" Alastor wondered aloud, and getting a close snap at his leg instead of an answer. "It's dang'rous down dis far." 

He nearly crossed the deeper part of the bloody marsh but thought better of it. Angel and the twins both had a strong aversion to water they couldn't easily stand in, the spidery instincts warning them away from drowning. So instead he stomped, splashing what he was going to fondly refer to as Skitters until he got their names, and turned to leap over them to run the other way.

The children chased him for quite a while, but age and a sense of patience had granted Alastor greater endurance. The herd slowed, and so did Alastor.

"Oh come on. Y' got a bit more fight in you den dat, huh?" Alastor encouraged. "Y'all almost got me down."

"He's funny…" The little pink one said, panting.

"He's _food._ " The grey snapped, rounding on her brother and tearing at the scruff of his neck." She turned back to Alastor to address him. "Why y' talkin' at us so much?!" She demanded, stomping her paw.

"Would do to be nicer to y' brother." Alastor sighed. "I can catch some'n for you if y' dat hungry." 

"Who even are you?" The black and white one asked, a boy.

"My fader ain't tell you?" Alastor asked, wondering why he had expected any different. "I'm y' papa." 

"Dat's horseshit." Said the splotchy one, another girl. "Met Kalfu's our papa."

Alastor had never thought words could hurt so much. He knew it wasn't their fault they were being fed lies but he shouldn't have expected them to know any better. 

"No. He's y' grandpa. I'm--"

"Y' leavin' is what'cha are." Kalfu said, stepping forward out of nothing as the mention of his name had caught his attention. 

With another look at the children Alastor noticed something. On their front left shoulders they were all branded with Kalfu's veve. And on their back shoulder was a number, different on each.

"Eight, Fourteen, Twenty-six, and Forty-Three, go home. One, you stay."

"But we're hungry still." Twenty-six, the striped one whined.

"Don't talk back." One, the hairless one hissed, standing boldly while the others curled inward as they disappeared into the shadows of the marsh. 

"Hungry chil'ren pick easier prey if de target dey got first is too hard to catch." Kalfu scolded. "Y' ain't hungry. Y' was showin' off."

"I'm sorry…" One said quietly, hanging her head.

"Y' gon be sorry goin' to bed with nothin' in y' stomach. You can go too." Kalfu grunted his dismissal.

"Yes sir, Papa." One nodded, turning to follow her brothers and sisters.

Kalfu turned to Alastor with a red glare. "Told y' to leave. I left you and yours well enough alone for years. Y' got no right botherin' mine."

"You have no right treating children as animals. Or soldiers. Or whatever it is you're doing with them." Alastor shot back, abandoning his natural voice. "They don't even have _names?_ " 

"Dere's fifty-eight to keep track of." 

"You chose to take that many." Alastor countered.

"Legba wouldn't lemme get rid of dem." Kalfu clarified, pulling a chain out of his pocket. Attached to it was a small glass vial of what looked like blood. "Dis is what I wanted."

"...What?" Alastor asked, honestly confused for a moment before a memory hit him. When Angel had laid the eggs a few had broke and the shells cut him on the way out. He'd bled all over the eggs. "That's Angel's."

"Now y' usin' y' head." Kalfu grinned. "But since y' made a deal to keep dese kids safe, I may as well make do. Use what y' got, y' know?" 

"What could you possibly want with Angel's blood?" Alastor asked, shaking his head in disbelief.

"I'm still thinkin' on it." Kalfu admitted. "Now get y' ass out my business."

Alastor went home without a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I know with so many its hard to keep track...
> 
> One(f, hairless grey)  
> Eight(f, red and pink)  
> Fourteen(f, calico)  
> Twenty-Six(m, mime stripes)  
> Forty-Three(m, watermelon)


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor and Angel have a late talk.

Alastor got home later that night, not bothering to shift into his smaller form as he manifested in his and Angel's room and collapsed on the large cushion. Angel was already asleep, but roused as the large weight near him dipped the mattress enough to cause him to roll. The spider pushed himself up, looking over to the clock on the wall.

"Home by two, good job." Angel yawned, joking about his own restrictions for when he was still doing contact work. "Better not be any marks on you. Where've you been?"

"Seventh Circle." Alastor answered.

"Huntin' this late? Somethin' happen?" Angel asked, waking up a bit more even as he curled himself around Alastor's foreleg.

"Jim mentioned seeing things in the Nothin'. Went and checked on de Other Chil'ren…" Alastor admitted, and felt Angel sigh against him. He expected Angel to be dismissive of them as he had been before, but Angel did what he seemed to do best. He surprised Alastor.

"...How are they?" Angel asked hesitantly. 

"Not well… Least I don't think." Alastor answered. "I admit, teachin' dem all to hunt deir own food's a good way to keep dat many fed but he don't seem to help and if dey don't catch some'n, dey don't eat." 

Angel didn't need to ask who 'he' was and knew better by now than to speak the name. 

"He's got y' blood." 

"How the fuck--?"

"When y' laid de eggs. Bled damn near everywhere."

"Swear jar babe." Angel said, feeling the need to joke to keep himself calm. 

Alastor wasn't having it. "This is serious, Angel."

"Well shit, Al." Angel said, sitting up. "What's he gonna do with just some blood? Make sausages?"

"Not to be redundant but blood is the blood of voodoo." Alastor huffed. "I made an effigy to comfort you with just a few strands of your _hair._ Your blood is practically a key to your entire being." 

Angel sighed, eyes downcast. His lower hands stayed on Alastor's foreleg but the top set came up to cover his face. He couldn't help but be suddenly reminded of how many times some asshole had gone and threatened his mother when he was a kid. It was an odd thing to think of, he knew, but after a second thought it wasn't really that strange.

"Ah, fuck. We're back to this shit?" Angel groaned and threw up both sets of hands.

"Back to...what?" Alastor asked, confused.

"Look, in the Mafia there's specific Families made up of smaller sets of families and you can't go startin' shit with made men directly. You cap a full member, it's gonna start a war. So what do you do if you got beef?" Angel explained. "You go for the wife. Kids if he's got 'em. Shake up the people the guy's close to and you can get him to do whatever as long as he actually cares."

Alastor thought that over, his heart in his throat and a pit in his stomach. 

Angel, taking the lack of response for the fear that it was, added to his explanation. "Good news is he ain't gonna do shit to me unless he wants somethin' from you. And he's left us alone 'til now, right?"

"Right." Alastor conceded. 

"Tell you what. Tomorrow's saturday. We'll take our two to the Hotel then go down a few Rings. Fuck somethin' up bad enough it won't heal for a few days and make sure the other ones get to eat." Angel suggested. 

"They shouldn't have to scavenge."

"It's better than nothin'." 

Alastor rolled onto his side, putting his head down and letting out a saddened grunt. Angel sympathized, snuggling close against the large deer's throat and petting the thick, coarse fur of his neck. Neither slept much, anxious about the new information. 

The next morning Alastor was back in a humanish shape and Angel had hidden his nerves under a bright coat of eyeshadow. Angel woke the twins up and Jim got dressed, though Vinnie insisted on staying on six legs for as long as they didn't have to hold a pencil. Alastor pulled them into the Hotel lobby before there was any chance of protest, wanting to get through the day quickly.

Angel and Alastor both stilled in shock when they noticed just who was at the front desk.

Vinnie, not paying much attention to the sudden shift in their fathers, nor where they were going, ran headlong into the back of Lucifer's leg. The Devil's knee buckled momentarily and he turned, lifting his arms as if to avoid touching anything filthy. He looked down at the fawnling blankly before his expression shifted to one of bare confusion.

"Live humans shouldn't be down here…" He muttered, then squinted. "Not quite human. What _are_ you?"

"I'm a me!" Vinnie answered confidently, unaware of just how dangerous the Fallen they were talking to could be.

Lucifer bent to pick Vinnie up, taking a closer look. "Oh, you're a little abomination, how adorable! Who made you?" He said cheerfully, looking over and seeing Jim hiding behind Alastor. "And there's more than one!"

Angel raised one of his hands. "They both came outta me." He admitted, not without an air of pride.

"I helped." Alastor said quietly, not wanting to let his voice betray the fear he felt at one of his children in the hands of the literal Devil. "May we have that one back?"

"They're an affront to God. I like them. Do make more." Lucifer praised, putting Vinnie down. 

They immediately ran off toward the stairway, calling for their uncles and aunt as they ascended. Alastor led Jim up the same way, keeping himself between the First King and his son.

Angel started walking after them, but stopped as Lucifer gestured him to stop. "Tell my Charlie to come down when you see her?" Lucifer asked 

"Will do, your Royal Hotness." Angel dust confirmed, and inwardly cringed at his own instinct to flirt out of a case of nerves. "I'm just gonna go anywhere else now."

"Wise." Lucifer answered shortly, waving him away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you just halfassedly flirt out of reflex.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer has noticed something is off about Hell's ecosystem.

Lucifer was aware of the quantity of souls in his care, drawing his own strength from them, so he noticed overr time more and more losses outside of the yearly Exterminations. At first he wrote it off as demons killing each other. There was a black market for angelic weaponry, after all. But then he'd noticed that there was a pattern. Something was off, and had been for a few years.

"All the losses are coming from the Seventh Circle." Lucifer told his daughter. "Six or seven on a daily basis, but no bodies are being left behind." 

"That's horrible…" Charlie said mournfully.

"Indeed!" Lucifer agreed. "No bodies means Hell can't reclaim the matter and if this goes on the Realm will have even less to work with. Have you seen the latest Sinners to drop in? Tiny things! Hardly worth stepping on." 

Charlie was more concerned for the souls rather than Hell itself. Still, her father's concern was just as valid. "What do you think's happening to them?"

"It's only a hunch so far but I believe something is dragging souls out of Hell entirely."

"What can do that?" Charlie asked, deeply concerned.

"I thought the Goetics at first, but since Prince Stolas _misplaced_ his Necronomicon there have been a few imps leaving as they please." Lucifer mused, but shook his head as he knew that certainly wasn't the cause. "They always return, though. Every being here should be tethered to Hell. These losses are severing entirely."

Charlie was silent at that, thoughtful.

Angel and Alastor left Jim and Vinnie in the care of Husk, Niffty, and Sir Pentious before falling through several Rings to land in the Seventh. Angel had never been so far down, but it looked a lot more like he thought Hell would look before he died. Alastor had shifted back and Angel didn't question it. He felt small and vulnerable in this cursed space and if he had a way to get big and spooky he'd use it too. 

Alastor lowered his head and Angel took hold of an antler, letting Alastor lift him to his back. Angel swung a leg up, sitting between Alastor's shoulders. He manifested a gun, a rifle instead of his favored tommy, and took a look around. 

"How long were you down here after dyin'?" He asked, aiming toward a shrill screech in the distance on reflex.

"Few weeks." Alastor answered, ears swiveling. "Keep in mind we ain't de only ones huntin'. We're prey too here." 

"Fun." Angel said dryly. "So everybody down here's just constantly killin' each other?"

"Mostly. It's some'n to do, anyway and a lot of de cannibals wound up here so dey're prob'ly just as hungry as I used to be 'fore you." Alastor explained. "Lose y' mind if y' hungry long enough."

Angel nodded at that, feeling a sense of remorse for the Sinners that wound up no more lucid than rabid animals. They probably deserved it of course, but Charlie's goodwill had rubbed off and Angel had always had a bit of a bleeding heart as his brother would call it. He wondered briefly if the Hotel could help the Sinners this far down but then some large thing like an armadillo with a mouth that split halfway down its body showed up, angry and out for blood, and Angel decided quickly as he lined up a shot that they were probably too far gone.

The bullet caught the creature in the eye and it reeled back, but didn't fall. So Angel got another shot in as Alastor closed the distance to put the other beast down with his antlers. With his teeth he started tearing it into pieces, having some trouble with the shell but managing to get the soft tissues apart. 

"We got company." Angel reported, though Alastor's ear had already turned toward the sound of six paws. 

"Y' came back…" One said, half hidden in fleshy shrubbery. She looked over her shoulder nervously for a moment, then back to Alastor and glancing up at the spider on his back. "Why come back? Papa don't want y' here. He'll get mad mad."

"I cost y' a meal earlier." Alastor said easily, nudging the armadillo toward her. 

One looked at it, her jaw tightening. "What'chu want for it?" 

"Nothin'."

"We just don't want you goin' hungry, baby." Angel said softly.

"Horseshit. Everythin' cost some'n." One huffed. "Ain't s'posed to talk to you no more anyway." 

"Then don't talk. Just take the gift." Angel said. "Careful chewin' though. There's bullets in it."

"Oh dose are lucky, sha. Like de baby in a king cake." Alastor joked.

One tapped a paw, thinking it over. She looked behind her again, up at Alastor and Angel, then the shredded carcass in between them. Sighing and making a decision, she let out a little hollow sounding grunt and several of her siblings came out from hiding to draw the body away. Alastor recognised Twenty-Six but the rest of the little hunting party was different. He didn't get long to look at the new faces before they were gone, taking the meat with them as they passed into the same shadow. 

"Y' really don't want nothin'?" One checked.

"Just for you to eat." Alastor nodded.

One nodded back, and gave Angel a good long stare before talking to him. "Who're you?"

"Somebody who gives a shit, apparently." Angel said nonchalantly.

"You said y' was our papa yesterday." One said to Alastor. "I weren't so sure but him…" She gestured with her snout to Angel. "Twenty-Two look just like him, but with outside-ribs. You both are, aren'cha?"

"Yes." Alastor answered softly.

"Y' seem… Nice." One turned away with that, not bothering with a goodbye as she left after her siblings.

Her fathers made no attempt to follow, knowing it wouldn't go over well. Instead they both agreed to make the trip down for a hunt every week. Sometimes they would see One, the only child to ever approach them, but mostly they just left bodies to be found later. It wasn't the best situation, but it was the best they could do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Charlie: people are dying and thats not good
> 
> Lucifer: i am going to run out of playdough if this shit keeps up


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids are growing up.

A few years passed and Kalfu still hadn't let on what he was keeping the blood for. It made Alastor nervous but his nerves settled over time as he grew more concerned with how positively difficult but overall useless the twins homework was. 

"Are they teaching you fuckin' rocket science?" Angel asked. 

"I think so." Jim answered. "Uncle Noodle could help in dat case…" 

Alastor rolled his eyes, looking over the page. "We can manage just fine." 

"Why's there letters and shit?" Angel asked.

"Algebra's dumb." Vinnie complained, starting to wad up their worksheet.

"Do _not_ eat your homework." Alastor warned, and Vinnie groaned. "...What in Hell is tau?"

"It's either half of pi, or pi times two." Jim shrugged, scratching his head. He'd been itching a lot lately.

"I'm gettin' de calculator." Alastor huffed, standing from the table to go get it.

"We have phones." Angel reminded, then looked over at Jim. "That's the fifth time in an hour I've seen you scratch. You got lice? Or...fleas? C'mere lemme check."

Jim walked around the table and Angel pulled his son up onto his lap, claws parting curled fur to look through. He didn't see any little parasites but he did find two little bumps in Jim's skull, the velvety skin over which he could recognise even on such a small scale. 

"Well look at that. You're gonna have antlers soon." Angel said, kissing Jim's head between the new growths. "Hey babe?" He called.

Alastor was rummaging through a drawer for the calculator he was sure he'd had a while ago. His ear turned at the call, but he didn't look up. "Hm?" He asked, preoccupied.

"When did your antlers start comin' in?" Angel asked, trying to compare to see if Jim was an early or later bloomer.

At that, Alastor did look up. He stared at Angel, wondering if the question was a joke but no. His husband looked sincere. He wondered if Angel thought he had antlers in life, and slowly answered. "When I died?"

Angel blinked, then put a hand to his forehead with a laugh. "I forgot we're dead for a second!" He admitted.

Jim and Vinnie looked at each other, unsure of what was suddenly funny. They were old enough to know what death was on some level, but growing up in a Realm made specifically to provide an environment for dead souls skewed their understanding of it somewhat. From what Jim could gather, Alastor hadn't had antlers before dying, but had them now that he was dead.

"Am I dyin?" Jim asked.

"Nah." Angel answered. 

"Just growin' up." Alastor said, finally finding the calculator and holding it up victoriously. "Found it!"

"Yeah, quit doin' that." Angel joked. "Just stay little forever."

"Will I get antlers?" Vinnie asked, reaching up to feel their head. They didn't feel anything different, and was mildly disappointed.

"Maybe?" Alastor shrugged, unsure. 

Vinnie would indeed have their own set of antlers, as they discovered a few weeks later. It was an itchy, painful process that was on par with teething. Alastor, having his own set was sympathetic and between the three of them there ended up being quite a bit of shredded wallpaper. Angel understood on some level, but it was a bit of an annoyance to have replaced.

Soon after there was another small developmental hiccup as Jim came to Alastor, tapping his father's sleeve.

"Vinnie's bleedin'." He reported.

"Velvet does that when it breaks. It'll be a'right."

"No, it ain't dat…" Jim shook his head. "Dey locked demself in de bathroom."

 _Oh,_ Alastor realized, much less prepared for that than he was the antlers. "But you're only eleven." Alastor said, surprised before calling Angel to handle it. 

"You're such a fuckin' man." Angel scoffed when informed, passing Alastor and Jim to knock on the bathroom door. 

"My insides are fallin' out. Go awaaaaay." Vinnie whined. 

"Not all your insides." Angel assured through the door. "Just the lining of one. Hey, now we know you definitely got ovaries."

There was the sound of an entire crowd booing from inside the bathroom, the one bit of magic aside from shapeshifting that they had inherited. Angel snorted at that and sent Alastor on a fetchquest for pads since Angel only had tampons. Alastor, of course, wound up lost and confused by the multitude of brands and sizes for a while before just grabbing one of everything.

Growth spurts, voices cracking, and antlers growing further were all too clear signs of the passage of time. Five years of time. Big changes that couldn't be overlooked, accompanied by construction projects to make more room. School projects and extracurriculars to keep track of; Jim taking up percussion in band and Vinnie taking quickly to theatre. Angel and Alastor both felt everything was happening too fast, but it was out of their control. Everything was.

And for Jim, some changes were more scary than others. His control of shadow was usually very strong but more and more often his own shadow, shaped like himself, would warp without him making it do so. He'd screamed in surprise the first time he'd seen it make a face for itself. He'd calmed quickly enough, having seen his father's personal shadow behave autonomously in a similar fashion, but Alastor's shadow was usually more passive. 

Jim's was not, constantly breaking away from him to wander on its own. He could see through it in an odd sense and it was grating when it found things he didn't want to know about. Sometimes it would flit through the city during Exterminations while the rest of Jim was stuck indoors and it liked to spy on the Things in the Nothing, subjecting him to quite a bit of bloodshed as angels slaughtered demons by the thousands the Things hunted and ate. He hated his shadow and he hated the Dark. 

He couldn't even sleep anymore.

So Jim sat upside down on the ceiling of his room at night, tethered by his feet and two hands while the remaining two tapped out polyrhythms against the wood. His normally red eyes had clouded over, wholly black as his shadow was once again in control of his sight. He focused on the clicks of his claws instead but it wasn't enough and he wished his shadow would go anywhere else than whatever horrible place it was, the infernal thing would stay wherever it wanted to be. And where it was was a place that seemed entirely made of blood and bone and flesh. The place the Things hunted. And the place that, sometimes, his shadow saw his fathers hunting too.

Since claw-drumming wasn't enough of a distraction, Jim started to rock himself as well. He continued to do so long after his shadow had let his sight go, having to keep up the motion and sound to give himself anything repetitive and familiar to stay occupied until he'd wound down enough to leave the ceiling for his bed. He had about two hours before he'd have to get up for school and with any luck he hoped he'd get some use out of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vinnie has to deal with periods and Jim is fucking haunted. (By himself.)


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vaggie learns a bit about Alastor and the family gets to go on a very short road trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Highschool suuuucks. Highschool in hell probably sucks even worse.

"Alastor," Vaggie asked.

"Yes?" He responded, looking up from the stack of expenses he had busied himself with while his children were at school, his husband working, and his own mind highly bored but determined to be productive. Hunting weekly with Angel had an effect, quelling his violent urges and leaving him not as eager to perform his usual broadcasts of horror. His show was suffering for it, those demons who only tuned in for the murders growing bored when they stopped. Charlie was proud of him though, even if he was still her sponsor, not her patient. This was Vaggie, though, and she didn't seem like she was preluding to praise.

"When you use your magic and open portals…" Vaggie began, hesitantly. "Where do the portals lead? The tentacles. Where do those come from?"

"Nowhere." Alastor answered, turning to give her his full attention. "And the tentacles are part of me. Just a separate part, just like my shadow." 

"Oh they can't just go nowhere!" Vaggie protested.

"Not nowhere, _Nowhere._ " Alastor corrected.

"I don't get it." Vaggie admitted. 

Not many did, Alastor knew. But he had answered it before. He stood, moving toward a window. It had a glass pane as well as a wire screen. Perfect for what he needed to demonstrate. 

"For the sake of ease let's say this room is the land of the Living and outside is the many possible Afterlives. Hell's Circles, Heaven, Purgatory, and whatever else every one else believes in." He explained, then summoned his own shadow to be trapped inside the window between the glass and the screen. "With that in mind, where is the shadow?" 

"Somewhere between?" Vaggie guessed, watching the shadow swirl and snarl as it didn't care for where its host had put it. 

"It's nowhere Living and nowhere in the Afterlife."

"It's Nowhere." Vaggie understood. "But other demons can't just rip open portals to Nowhere." 

"No. They can't." Alastor agreed. "Which is why I'm so much stronger." 

"How come you can do it?" Vaggie urged. "What makes you so special?"

"You're asking quite a lot of questions today my dear!" Alastor barked cheerfully, opening the window open to let his agitated shadow free. It darted away with an angry trill. "Why the sudden interrogation?" 

Vaggie frowned but didn't answer.

"Come now, you can't expect me to answer so much without allowing me to ask things in return. Why so interested? Not looking into your own magical increase are you?" 

"No." Vaggie sighed. "I'm asking you all of this so Charlie doesn't have to. She trusts you." 

Alastor raised a brow. Something was up and Vaggie seemed to think him the cause. But he was fairly sure he'd been too well behaved for the past few years to draw any suspicious eyes, so he didn't see the harm in answering her last question. 

"I can do the things I can because I'm only half human." Alastor said with a shrug, sitting back down. "I was fully human before dying of course, as there was a possession involved and bodies are limited but as a bare soul I'm half Loa."

"What's a Loa?" 

"A sort of Spirit. You could stand to do research." Alastor said dismissively. "But as far as I can tell they live Nowhere so that is why I can get there and back with no trouble."

"You can go there?" Vaggie asked incredulously. "You mean you don't have to stay in Hell?"

"No, I could stay Nowhere as long as I like. It's boring though, and I would miss Angel." Alastor sighed wistfully. "I've tried to take him, give him a bit of a break from Hell since he really doesn't deserve this place but any more than a few seconds of passing through to get somewhere else makes him sick. He gets… Well _that's_ not your business, is it? Any other questions while I'm feeling chatty?"

Vaggie shook her head. 

"Good." Alastor said, looking over to the clock on the wall. "It's thursday, isn't it?"

"Yeah." Vaggie answered.

"I have to go." He said, vanishing a moment later. 

Jim was fine getting around on his own via shadows but didn't like the dark so he had started to take driving lessons after school on the days he didn't have band practice. Vinnie and Angel were learning too, even though Vinnie preferred running and Angel complained of feeling dizzy whenever he was in the driver's seat. After the lessons nerves were high but all three were making progress. There was no way to get a license in Hell since safety wasn't really a priority for demons but there was only benefit to learning. 

"Hey can we go to de music store over by de clocktower?" Jim asked while Angel was driving and both he and his sibling were in the back seat.

"Sure, if this asshat'll let me in the right lane." Angel huffed, rolling his window down and shouting. "Hey buster, slow down or speed up!" 

"Up yours!" The demon in the other car hollered back. 

"You wish!" Angel continued. "You couldn't afford--"

"Angel," Alastor said sternly. "Watch your mouth, the kids are still in the car." 

"We a'ready know." Vinnie said from where they'd taken off their seatbelt to lay sideways with their legs against the door. "One of de dogboys found y' livestreams and sent a link to our whole year few weeks back in a group text."

"Ah, shit." Angel huffed, parking the car in the middle of the road much to the rage of several other cars.

"Is that why you broke another kids arm and got detention the other day?" Alastor asked. 

"Yeah. My class laughing about seeing my dad's entire ass kinda got me mad." Vinnie shrugged. 

"Don't say ass." Alastor sighed.

"I'm sixteen, I'm gonna cuss behind y' back. I may as well do it in front of you too."

"I'm not in de group text." Jim pointed out. "Nobody talks to me."

"Rizzo talks to you!" Alastor pointed out, reaching out to stop Angel from vacating the car to walk out onto a busy road.

"Rizzo talks to you a loooot." Vinnie teased, lightly jabbing their brother in the leg with their antlers.

Jim smacked them in the stomach and Vinnie rolled off the backseat into the footwell with a grunt.

"Put your fuckin' seatbelt back on." Angel huffed, having noticed the lack of it when Vinnie fell. "Okay. Moving on. Music store."

Jim wound up picking out a full drum set which is why he wanted to go in the first place. He liked the drums he got to play at school, but those had to stay at school and he wanted something a bit louder and fuller to distract from the things he had to see.

Vinnie had only been along for the ride but still looked around the options of instruments. It was in a back corner that they found something that seemed to scream at them to pick it up and play despite having no clue how. A dark reddish brown guitar, with two necks instead of one, a standard and a bass at the same time and seemingly perfect for someone with four arms. Normally such a guitar would require an amp and wires to plug into it, but Vinnie's low level of sound-based magic was enough not to need one they found, fingers sparking as they plucked a few strings and finding that it sounded just fine without the extra parts. They picked it up, running and nearly knocking over several other guitar stands as they passed. 

"Pa, look what I found!" 

Meanwhile Vaggie was relaying what she had learned to her wife, and Charlie was coming to the wrong conclusion.


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie thinks and the kids are busy being teenagers.

Charlie tapped her pen absently against the edge of her clipboard. Vaggie had given her a lot to think about. Lucifer had said something was taking souls out of Hell, leaving no bodies, and Vaggie had discovered that Alastor was perfectly capable of leaving Hell whenever he wanted because apparently that's how his teleportation via shadows worked. It would also explained why his murderous tendencies had lessened. She had assumed that raising a family had been good for him and forced him to be less violent. But no… It seemed he was just getting his fix a different way. Maybe even a worse way.

She wasn't sure what the right thing to do was. Her father would expect her to turn in the culprit if and when she found one, but Lucifer was unpredictable and there was no telling what he would do to Alastor if he found out. Alastor was her friend. Even if he'd been doing worse than his usual she didn't want him getting hurt or permanently killed over it if she could reason with him. Get him to stop. Maybe even get him to bring the souls back to Hell if it was possible. He'd been at it for a few years now and the losses were only getting higher but maybe it could be fixed.

"I didn't tell you for you to worry, hon." Vaggie said, combing through Charlie's hair with her fingers. "I told you so you could stop worrying and do something."

"I don't know what to do." Charlie admitted. 

Angel was alright with the twins inviting friends over. Usually it was just Rizzo, the brown and blue hellhound that had been close to the twins since before kindergarten. Whenever she came over she would bring her trombone and she and the twins would set up upstairs to play covers of songs that sounded more like clashing and banging to Alastor than real music. The genres ranged from metal to ska to pop and Angel could get behind some of it but a lot of it was just noise to him too. 

Still both fathers understood that music was bound to evolve and were mostly just happy that their children had friends at all and had put in the effort to learn a skill that they could share. Angel had an accordion and though both he and the instrument were rusty he would occasionally join the jam sessions. Alastor, likewise, would sing if he could get the small bunch of teenagers in his house to play something a bit older.

It was a surprise when an imp joined the little group, and though Angel had never directly seen him he did notice he only had one horn, the other a cracked stump. His skin was mostly red with black stripes in a similar pattern to a zebra, with the only white on him being his very short hair.

"Didn't Vinnie kick your ass in kindergarten?" Angel asked when the imp passed, following the hybrids and hellhound up the stairs with a laptop under his arm. "Twitch right?"

"Yeah?" Twitch answered. 

"Does your mom know you're here?" Angel asked.

"My mom's a bitch. Who cares?" Twitch huffed, hurrying up to avoid further conversation.

Angel had his fair share of running away for weeks at a time when he was growing up so he didn't question it and just made the mental note to learn the new addition's food preferences in case he became a recurring guest. For now, raising teenagers had showed him the value of just dumping three bags of pizza rolls on a pan, popping that in the oven, and calling it good. No need to get fancy when the kids would eat anything, a literal fact with Vinnie. 

Upstairs, the kids had managed to get through a few songs, trying to write their own before Jim's red eyes blacked out, his vision blanking before it was somewhere else. Irritated in an instant, he threw his drumsticks down and covered them with two hands.

"Aw, shit. Again?" Vinnie asked, putting their guitar down. 

Rizzo frowned, moving to sit on the small bench of the drumset next to Jim. "That's three just today…" She pointed out. 

"It'll pass." Jim deflected, trying to shake the vision his shadow was showing him away. He was getting so sick of seeing bones and blood. It wasn't even scary anymore, just grating on his nerves.

"Y' gotta tell Papa." Vinnie advised. 

"It's just de freaky things huntin' again." Jim said, bending and feeling around for the drumsticks he'd thrown since he couldn't currently see the room he was physically in. Rizzo was quick to grab them and put them in the path of his hands. 

"Things?" Twitch asked. 

"We think dey're de same thing we are but…" Vinnie started, shrugging. 

"Pa and Dad had us natural. We ain't adopted." Jim continued, finding his drums by muscle memory and starting a new, idle beat. 

"Dad kept our eggshells." Vinnie added, providing the information as proof. "So unless some other spider and deer demons had kids too dere's no reason for de Things to look like dey do." 

"You'te seeing stuff where your shadow went, right?" Twitch asked. 

"Yeah." Jim answered.

"And you can walk through shadows to other places." Twitch continued, less of a question. "You could just go wherever your shadow's snooping and ask what the Things are." 

"If they can talk at all." Jim scoffed.

"Can't they?" Rizzo asked.

"I dunno. My shadow's deaf." Jim shrugged. "They'd probably attack me on sight if I went there."

"Well take us with you." Vinnie snorted. "Me and Rizzo could kick some ass long enough for a conversation."

"What about me?" Twitch scoffed.

"What about you, wuss-ass?" Vinnie countered, playfully shoving and letting their lower jaw separate enough to stick their tongue out through the gap.

"I regret becoming friends with you." Twitch deadpanned.

"I regret your face." Vinnie snickered.

"Y'all stop flirtin' I'm tryin' to focus." Jim snarled.

"So we're going?" Rizzo asked, her tail starting up a quick wag out of excitement.

"We're going."


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exploring and teenagers being teenagers.

Jim had seen the Seventh Circle secondhand plenty of times but nothing could have prepared him to actually be there. He'd seen it but he'd never heard the frightful ambience. He'd never felt the air. He'd never smelled it. The whole place just seemed Wrong. 

"Ugh…" Rizzo said in disgust, clamping a paw over her nose. Being a dog, she'd gotten the worst of the smell. Rotting was never a pleasant scent.

Twitch, having the unfortunate mix of a sudden environmental shift as well as being unused to and a bit unfit for shadowstepping even as a passenger, immediately keeled over to retch.

"Nice." Vinnie snarked as they stepped away from the puddle of their friend's vomit, though the rest of the ground wasn't much cleaner. "Dis is where y' shadow keeps runnin' off to?"

"Yikes." Rizzo muttered, her tail tucking under her. "Where even are we?"

"Seventh Ring, looks like." Twitch answered once he had gotten the nausea out of his system. "Basic infernography. We learned about the Rings last fucking year."

"Neeerrrrd." Vinnie called, their voice accompanied by a train horn. 

"Will you be quiet! There's dangerous shit here that could hear you!" Twitch protested.

"Dat's kinda what we lookin' for." Jim pointed out. 

"I'm not so sure this is a good idea anymo--Vinnie what the heck!" Rizzo said timidly, her voice shifting quickly to surprise when she noticed that Vinnie had started disrobing, looking away.

Twitch covered his eyes with both hands. 

"Whaaaat?" Vinnie said, half laughing. "I can't shift clothes!" They finished up, tossing their clothes over a bony tree branch just before they ceased to have hands.

Jim could agree that he and Vinnie both needed their natural, somewhat larger forms. He shifted as well, not needing to remove his clothes as he could get them to meld easily. It would be safer for the smaller imp and hellhound for he and his sibling to protect them. 

With this in mind, he knelt on his forelegs and turned his shoulder toward Rizzo. "Hop on up." 

Rizzo climbed onto Jim's back easily, trying not to pull his fur too much. He stood once she was settled between his second set of shoulderblades, his fur puffing up just a bit at the closeness. 

Twitch looked up at Vinnie expectantly.

"Y' climb on me and I'll bite y' face off." Vinnie threatened playfully, not feeling nearly as chivalrous.

"Noted." Twitch answered quickly.

Jim took the lead, Rizzo on his back. Twitch in the middle, and Vinnie at the back of the little makeshift herd to keep an eye on everyone. Jim's shadow, finally deciding to be useful instead of a nuisance, scouted ahead. Keeping relatively to that order, they started walking through the forest of flesh.

Unknown to them, the group was already being followed. 

If anything was suspicious, it was quiet teenagers Angel reflected as he carried a large bowl of pizza rolls up the stairs. Then again Jim was the sort to need peace and quiet every now and then. His family and friends were respectful of that. Still it was a bit strange that the music had just suddenly stopped. 

Angel knocked on the door of Jim's room but got no answer. He waited a moment before opening the door. The instruments and laptop were all accounted for, but not the kids. Confused, he set the bowl down and went to check Vinnie's room. He found it likewise empty if one didn't count the comedically tall pile of half-eaten plastic soda bottles and bike tires. If not worried by the complete absence of his children and their friends he might have left a note for Vinnie to either clean up the mess or finish eating it.

"Hey Nuggets!" Angel called, and the pig waddled up the stairs quickly. "Find the babies!" Angel urged, hoping maybe they hadn't gone far. 

It was a command that he had taught Nuggets as a game, a sort of advanced hide and seek. He hadn't used it in ages but hoped Nuggets remembered. Nuggets squonked, snuffling around before heading back to Jim's room. The pig pointedly sniffed at the drumset and guitar, continuing in a confused little circle before sitting and looking up at Angel blankly. There was no trail to follow, so wherever the kids were they hadn't left by just walking or sneaking out a window. They had clearly left though shadows and could therefore be anywhere.

Worried, Angel ran back down the stairs two at a time and crossed the living room to get to the basement. Alastor was in the middle of reading out news for his broadcast, the basement oddly void of bodies. He didn't wait for a music or commercial break before speaking, not caring that the microphone was on. It didn't matter if it was or wasn't.

"The kids are gone!" 

Alastor's eyes widened, and he turned his switchboard off entirely. Quickly, he summoned his shadow which looked at him with the same concern on its warped face. 

"Find the babies." Alastor ordered, and the shadow darted away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pigs are good at sniffing for things.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor and Angel find the kids but it only stirs up more problems.

Alastor's shadow passed though several places in the span of only a few seconds, checking every dim space it could get to within the Ring. Finding nothing, it let itself fall through to the next, sifting and falling again. With each layer it passed, Alastor became more and more agitated. He knew the twins could handle the current Circle but they had never been in any of the others. He didn't know they could even get to the others but unless they were somewhere too bright for his shadow to exist, unlikely, then they had to have gone deeper into Hell. 

It was in the Seventh Circle that his shadow caught sight of the twins and their friends, running past. Running _away_. The imp tripped over something, fell, and Vinnie doubled back to stand over him with a fully bare-fanged roar. The imp didn't look able to get up, having sprained or possibly broken his ankle. Turning, the shadow saw One not far away and quickly gaining. 

Jim stopped as well and shadows erupted around him as he curled in on himself, crying. The tendrils of darkness solidified and whipped around. Several trees splintered and severed from their bone trunks as they were hit which exposed other Skitters from their hiding spaces. The brave ones ended up grabbed by the tendrils which constricted and choked any that got too close. Unafraid, One pounced on Vinnie with a snarl.

"I found them." Alastor said urgently as his vision snapped back to his physical body. "They need us now." 

Angel didn't need to be asked to hold on as Alastor pulled them both through to the Seventh Circle. Alastor hadn't put them right in the middle of the fight but close enough to see without being in the radius of sheer destruction Jim was making. 

"What the fuck?" Angel said. "Why would they come _here?_ "

Alastor didn't have time to question it. If this all went on long enough his two groups of children would kill each other. He rushed toward them, Angel just behind.

**"Stop!"**

Hearing his father's voice so loud and so suddenly shocked Jim out of his panicked frenzy for the shadows under his control to still, slacking enough to drop the creatures. Vinnie used the distraction to roll the hairless one they'd been previously pinned by, fully intending to bite.

"Stop it! She's your _sister_." Alastor continued, his own shadows quickly pulling Vinnie and One out of reach of each other before they could injure each other any further. "They're all your brothers and sisters." 

One kicked at the shadow, snorting and shaking her head as she stood, clearly angry. Vinnie only sat, staring hard at One before their eyes fell one each of the present others. Jim had relayed the fact that they looked like the same sort of hybrids that they were, but now Vinnie was taking in the striking similarities.

Angel was quick to get to Jim, the boy's magic calming after the explosive amount of force he'd just used. He was shaking, his anxiety still high. Rizzo was tucked under his forelegs as he had clearly tried to shield her, though she was free to move now which she did. Angel put his hand up on his son's first shoulder, patting him to try to calm him down further.

"Dere's more." One said, breaking the relative silence. "Y' kept a few." She said, staring back at Vinnie before turning to glare at Alastor. "Threw de rest of us away, did'ja?"

"You were taken!" Alastor protested, not nearly ready to be having this conversation. 

"Oh!" One scoffed. "But y' kept dem two?" She gestured with her snout at Vinnie, then Jim who was still being coaxed out of his episode by Angel.

"It was random chance!" Angel called, having been listening even though he was preoccupied. "It ain't like we could pick favorites out of a bunch of eggs." 

"Y' got to pick!" One said with a scowl.

No one had a good response for that. Alastor felt anything he had to say would only further a conflict. Angel was likewise unwilling to say the wrong thing. Jim was doing his best to pull himself together as well as focus enough to shift. Vinnie was too busy thinking. 

"...Okay, fucking damn it, all I wanted was to not have to go home for one day. If I knew there'd be this much of a shitfest I would have just gone to the weird hole under the sinnabun instead." Twitch huffed after a pause.

Rizzo threw a clump of bloody dirt at the imp. "This was _your_ idea!"

"Why would you listen to me?!" Twitch answered, holding his hands up defensively.

"I wannu go home." Jim said tiredly, and was gone a second after, not waiting on anybody else. 

"Better actually be home." Angel grunted to the suddenly empty space where Jim had been. "Fuckin' grounded…"

"Home's a good idea." One barked at her pack who hadn't dared to speak out during all of this, mostly due to sore throats from being choked by Jim's shadows but partially out of confusion, fear, or respect of their oldest sister. They vanished into darkness as well.

"We couldn't take care of all of you." Alastor said softly, trying to appeal to One's sense of reason. 

"Den why have all of us if y' was just gon' keep two?" One asked, her anger fading into hurt. "Why have us at all?"

"We wanted somethin' to take care of." Angel answered with a sigh, knowing it wasn't a good enough answer.

Vinnie, having come to a conclusion of their thought process, stood and stepped toward One with a smile. "Hey." They extended a paw slowly, a peace offering as well as an introduction. "I'm Vinnie!" The cheer was forced, but considering they had just been in a brawl a few minutes prior, it was a good attempt at a do-over on a first impression.

One swatted the paw away, scowling. "Y' could've been me." She said bitterly, turning and leaving quickly.

Vinnie's face fell and they went back to Twitch to help him up. It was only a sprain but the imp had had the sense not to make a target of himself during the fight. Aside from a few scrapes and bruises, every one was alright and Alastor quickly took them all back to the Radio Tower. He let Rizzo clean up before taking her home to Brie, but Twitch refused to say where he lived and spent the night on the couch. 

After a thorough scolding, Jim locked himself in his room with Nuggets and Vinnie went to sit up on the roof for a few hours. The next day Twitch left, having healed enough to limp after a rest and Alastor called the twins to the kitchen. He explained everything to them, and Jim told him of the trouble his shadow had been causing. Vinnie just sat through the entire discussion, uncharacteristically quiet.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angel has a talk with the twins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be some healing fluff but fuck if i can control these assholes.

_You could have been me._

Vinnie couldn't help but fixate on that sentence. And given that they couldn't use their phone or go out aside from for school there wasn't much to distract from it. It had been said with such upset that it was clear that One thought it a bad thing. It had to be, Vinnie decided, and the fact Angel had said it had been up to chance didn't make Vinnie feel any better about it. The fact it had been chance just made the words hit stronger.

Vinnie looked at their shoulder, wondering how they'd look with a veve and a number. How would they have grown up if circumstances were different? Would they still be themself or someone completely different? Needing the mindless repetition of chewing, they grabbed a piece of plastic from the pile of miscellaneous things in the corner of their room specifically to chew on. 

The family had found out early on accident that Vinnie could digest practically anything, which was good given they were a chew-stimmer and had very low impulse control as well as an innate hunger Alastor had unknowingly passed on. Plastics and rubber had become a favorite, but Vinnie would take just about anything shy of taffy because that would get stuck in their teeth and become more of an annoyance than it was worth.

Across the hall in his own room, Jim was laying on his back, urging his shadow to circle the ceiling while his claws frantically tapped against the wood floor. Alastor had explained that his shadow was probably wandering so often because it was bored.

"Your magic is strong, Jim. Maybe even stronger than mine." Alastor had said. "It's pure energy and it needs to be used or it gets backed up." 

"I don't wannu hurt anybody." Jim had sighed.

"You don't need to." Alastor was quick to assure.

"Den why's it always show me de bloody stuff it finds? Past few years its been followin' dose things…" Jim huffed, shaking his head and covering his eyes. "Our family…"

"Because you have a natural curiousity. Your shadow saw them once by chance and then probably fixated because you wanted to know why they look like you. Even if it was only a subconscious thought, you wanted to learn about them so your shadow observed." Alastor explained, making a few educated guesses that Jim couldn't object to. 

Taking the explanation as advice, Jim was doing his best to tire his shadow out even though it meant exhausting himself. So far it was working, so there was that at least.

Angel had only grounded the twins for a few days before deciding they were probably traumatized enough without an extended punishment for going somewhere dangerous without telling anyone. A few days in their rooms without any technology was more of a formality anyway; Alastor and Angel trusted the children probably wouldn't do anything so reckless again any time soon. The grounding was also partially to give Angel time to figure out how to explain the other children. He wasn't sure about Jim but he could tell Vinnie had some serious opinions about it. 

Alastor would have probably tried to make things work with nearly seventy babies no matter how asinine that was. Angel had been the one grounded enough to know getting rid of the extras before they could grow into anything was the sensible thing to do. But now the extras had grown. They weren't just lifeless eggs, they had grown into people and made everything complicated. Angel, if he was to be honest, would become different in his children's eyes. But he had to be honest. He hated it when people hid things that affected him from him, he wasn't going to do that to his kids. 

Angel called the twins downstairs, giving their phones back. Both noticed the cedar box sitting on the table. Both recognized it. Angel and Alastor brought it out every hatchday to show them the shells they had come out of, crooning over how small they had been when it happened and later with Angel jokingly threatening to tie bricks to their antlers if they kept getting any bigger. Still they had always been under the assumption that there were only ever two eggs. Nobody had said there were only two, but nobody said there had been more either.

Angel sat down on the couch, his children coming to sit on either side of him and Nuggets on Jim's lap. Vinnie stayed as far as they could get while still being on the couch, their arms crossed and knees pulled up to their chest. Jim was less closed off, but only because he was too tired to be.

"Yeah, I'd probably be pissed too." Angel agreed even though neither of the twins had spoken.

"How many are dere?" Jim asked.

"Including you two, a solid sixty I think." Angel answered.

"You _think_?" Vinnie said sharply. "Y' don't even know?"

"Dat's fifty-eight out fendin' for demselves…" Jim muttered. "Been thinkin' it was a whole damn species I was seein' but its just de ones y' didn't want." 

"We couldn't keep that many." Angel pointed out. "Not enough room, not enough money to keep up with food." 

"Hotel could've helped." Jim pointed out. "Dere's room and food."

"The hotel ain't a daycare." Angel said, though he filed that idea away for later. "The other ones were taken anyway."

"Right." Vinnie finally spoke up. "And if dey weren't taken, what den? Weren't goin' to keep dem, so what was supposed to happen?"

Angel hesitated, reminding himself that his children deserved his honestly even though it was difficult. Even if they would hate him, it was their right. "We would have gotten rid of the extras. If Alastor didn't, I would have." 

"Dat could've been us." Vinnie sighed, shaking their head. "Could've been me. Fuck dis." They stood, headed for the door.

Angel knew better than to try stopping them, even though he was pretty sure his heart shattered when the door slammed shut. 

"You ain't goin' too?" Angel asked, looking to Jim. 

Jim shook his head. "I live here." He pointed out, keeping his hands occupied with petting the pig. "Ain't gon' say I ain't mad. I am. But… I get it's stupid to try to take care of too many kids. Rizzo's got a whole litter of little brothers and sisters now and her mom's got her hands full with just dose six… Sixty's for sure too many… I'd've prob'ly crushed de extras too."

Hearing that from his son, who wouldn't even even eat meat from animals more than simple fish, made Angel feel a little better. Still not great, since Vinnie had stormed out but they had their phone and even if they might not talk to him he was sure that they would contact Jim if they needed anything. 

"I'm goin' to bed." Jim said, adjusting Nuggets in his arms and standing from the couch.

"It's four." Angel pointed out.

"I'm tired." Jim justified. "Where's Pa anyway? Shouldn't he have been in on dis conversation?"

"Cha-cha called him in to talk to him about something. Urgent shit apparently." Angel shrugged and pulled out his own phone to send a text to Vinnie. 

**_Don't think I don't love you just because you could have been somebody else._ **

Already down two blocks, Vinnie checked their phone, paused a moment, then kept walking.


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of shits getting lined up

"Just tell me where you're taking the Sinners from the Seventh Circle. We can fix this!" Charlie urged.

"I told you they're being eaten." Alastor repeated for the third time. "Isn't there an overpopulation issue? I don't see why you think this is such an problem." 

"It is a problem because wherever you're putting the bodies prevents them from melding back into Hell. It's been over two thousand bodies worth of mass just gone and Hell can't recycle it." Charlie explained. "And murder is wrong!" 

"It isn't murder. It's hunting." Alastor justified. "Demons that far down are less lucid than animals. It's mercy-killing, really." 

"Al… If you don't stop my Father's going to take matters into his own hands and I don't want that for you." Charlie said, trying to get the deer to see reason. "You don't want that for you." 

Alastor grew quiet, thoughtful. "They have to eat, Charlie." He admitted, having an idea quite suddenly and taking the chance that it might just work. 

Charlie frowned, confused. "Who has to eat?"

"Call your father." Alastor said. "Not hard to summon him, I imagine. I can show you both."

Charlie seemed dubious at first, then nodded as she pulled out her phone. Maybe things could be alright. She hoped they could, at least. 

There was a hole dug under the Sinnabun. Most demo s knew about it but few would go into it because it wasn't really a very smart practice to go crawling into holes if you didn't know where they came from. Luckily Vinnie knew that Twitch had dug it himself over time, so, after having to widen the opening a bit, they pulled themself right in.

"Hey!" Twitch huffed as he was stepped on in the dark. 

"Well move y' ass!" Vinnie snapped back, twisting to sit in the small space.

Usually it was more than big enough for an imp but Vinnie was quite a bit taller than that, seven and a half feet in their humanoid form and not done growing. 

"What in Hell are you doing? Aren't you grounded?" Twitch asked, fumbling around before clicking on a little battery powered lantern.

"Not anymore." Vinnie shrugged. "Don't matter. I ain't goin' home." 

"Well that's stupid." Twitch huffed, then sighed. "Where are you gonna go?"

"I dunno. Wander around. Be a rockstar maybe."

"Oh yeah?" Twitch asked. "Where's your guitar?"

Vinnie stilled, realizing that they had left it behind. They hadn't taken anything with them aside from their phone. In their anger they hadn't had much room for forethought. 

"Doesn't matter. I can get another one." Vinnie deflected, even though they didn't really want another guitar. They just didn't want to go home. "Maybe… Shit, I can sing."

"You yell and growl!" Twitch protested. "That's not singing."

"So?" Vinnie threw their hands up. "It's somethin'! What do _you_ do?"

"I steal wallets and eat out of the garbage." Twitch answered dryly.

"Great! I'm pretty much a trash compactor." Vinnie said. 

"Oh my Devil!" Twitch groaned. "No. Just no. Fuckin' go home."

"Y' haven't gone home in months." Vinnie countered. 

"Yeah, cuz every time I do my mom is disappointed that I'm still alive and then asks if I have money." Twitch explained. "And then if I don't she kicks me out again." 

Vinnie frowned at that, but didn't have a response. They weren't in the right mood to be thinking clearly.

"You can stay for a little while." Twitch conceded. "But listen… Are you listening?"

"Yeah." Vinnie nodded.

"Your dads came looking for us, for you and Jim. My mom wouldn't have done that because she doesn't give a shit. Your dads _care_. Don't just walk out on that." Twitch said, then decided he'd been sincere long enough and reached over to punch Vinnie in the secondary shoulder. "Now move _your_ giant ass. Sittin' on my comics."

"Fuckin' nerd." Vinnie huffed, lifting themself enough that Twitch could grab his stuff out from under them. "Y' got any Ketch Krusher?" 

"Only the first four." Twitch shrugged, picking the issues out of the stack and tossing them over.

"Boo, but I'll take it." Vinnie said, opening the cover of the first. "Out of de light, fuckin' unicorn."

"My horn is your fault, shitlord." Twitch scoffed, but moved the battery lantern between them.

"Fuck you." Vinnie said, lightly kicking the imp's leg. 

"Fuck you!" He kicked back, which quickly evolved into a full on kick-war. 

Jim was nearly asleep, finally on the edge of real rest for the first time in years before he felt _something_ ripple. He wasn't sure what it was, but he was pretty positive it was important. Acting his anxiety, Jim's shadow began to writhe and thrash but thankfully stayed about where it was supposed to be. He asked it what was going on, but it didn't answer. It couldn't, because he didn't know. 

Nuggets, picking up on the boy's nerves sat up and oinked worriedly. Jim patted the pig, then quickly went downstairs again. He paused at the sight of Angel still on the couch, the box of eggshells in his lap and his head in his hands. It was an odd experience to see his dad cry, but whatever was going on needed immediate attention.

"Somethin's really wrong." Jim said quickly. "Pa's still at de Hotel?"

Angel startled, looking up and quickly trying to compose himself. "He should be." He answered, sniffling. "Why? What's up?"

"I'm not sure..."

"One?" Twenty-six asked, stepping into the picked-clean ribcage of some much bigger demon they had all taken down years ago. 

The Skitters had made what they could out of what they had to fill space, building places for themselves in the vast expanse of Nowhere. Mostly it was made from the bodies of things they hunted, a macabre mockery of a home.

One looked up expectantly. 

"Can you help me?" Twenty-six said, shaking her head to show off her broken horns. "Dey gettin' too long…" 

One nodded, scooting back to make space in front of her. The other girls didn't have antlers so Twenty-six would go to One any time she noticed hers getting out of hand. One would patiently gnaw the protrusions as close to the skull as she could get it, short enough for Twenty-six to brush the fur over the stumps. 

"De red guy…" Twenty-six said quietly as her sister gnawed the unwanted bone away. "He looked different dis time. Do y' think we can do dat too?" 

"Maybe." One said quietly, pausing in her work. "If y' figure out how let me know."

"Okay." Twenty-six agreed. 

Both stilled as they noticed Kalfu arrive, One standing first and her sister quickly following suit. Red eyes fell over both for a moment, looking around the area as the Loa did a quick headcount count of the many hybrids. He turned back to One. 

"Everyone's here?" He asked, already knowing but expecting her to be able to tell the answer as well. 

"Yes, sir. Six's pack got back 'bout ten minutes ago and none went back out." One reported. "A dog got hurt real bad, but Eighteen's a'right." 

"'Course it did." Kalfu sighed. "Good girl. Keep dem here. Think we gon' have company soon." 

"Yes, sir." One nodded.


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor takes Lucifer Nowhere and Jim takes Vinnie home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. Trying to get shit set up for a good finale, trying to get it set up right but its impooooosibble.

Lucifer had never been Nowhere. It was a place, or lack thereof, that existed before God had created all of the Somewheres. It was no place for angels, demons, or humans so of course Lucifer couldn't resist the invitation to where he definitely had no business being. Alastor offered a hand, Lucifer took it, and suddenly it was only he and Alastor in a darkened almost-void. If not for the demon near him, Lucifer may have assumed he had gone blind. Besides that there was also an odd weight in his lungs and a churning sensation in his stomach.

"I apologise for any discomforts. I've noticed that others aside from myself and my children have trouble staying here for any extended time." Alastor said.

"I think I have motion sickness!" Lucifer said   
cheerfully. "I've never had any sort of sickness before, how funny!" 

Alastor offered the High King and amused smirk before leading him forward. "There isn't much to see, unfortunately. Not for a ways, at least. I feel my way and listen, mostly. You may end up lost if you try so best stick close." 

"This is certainly the most creative assassination attempt I've ever seen." Lucifer praised. "Why kill me when you can just misplace me, hm? It won't work but I do applaud you." 

"Your Majesty, I have no intention of removing _you_." Alastor assured. 

"Pity." Lucifer sighed. "This would be much more interesting if you were. So if not for me, who is that little sparkling toothpick hidden up your sleeve for?" 

Alastor wasn't surprised Lucifer had noticed. The Fallen could see souls plainly as any angel could, making it easy for him to form the flesh to put them in postmortem. It was little known knowledge that Lucifer chose each demon's form, even so it was a mark of pride for the First King. So he could tell if something was off even if it wasn't in his physical sight.

"Oh that old thing?" Alastor dismissed. "I carry it out of habit at this point."

"Liar." Lucifer chuckled. "Fine don't tell me. But do be warned, demons only heal in Hell because Hell allows them to and wherever this is, or isn't, it feels far less forgiving."

"I know." Alastor nodded.

Vinnie was starting to feel bad about leaving in a huff the way they had. Once they'd had a chance to get away and focus on something else they were cooling off and even if they were mad it had been a bit of a stretch to run out with every intention of running away. They were also getting bored since Twitch had fallen asleep. They turned the lantern off and left their jacket behind, a makeshift blanket for the much smaller imp. 

Checking their phone they read the texts they had gotten. 

**Jim: Something's wrong**   
**Jim: Dad's crying**   
**Jim: Dad cryings not the wring thing but its fuckin awkward**   
**Jim: Where the fuck are you**   
**Jim: Its been hours and you arent on the news so im worried about 2 people now**   
**Jim: Did i mention something is wrong because its gone from being a little weird to sandpaper in my brain**   
**Jim: Dont be dead i am too stressed for ur bullshit and dads having an episode and i still dont know where pa is**   
**Jim: Im gonna find pa and then im kicking your ass**   
**Jim: make that 3 people cuz fuck knows where pa is**

Vinnie sighed and texted back.

**Vinnie: Was in twitchs hole**

**Jim: Phrasing**

**Vinnie: Shut up.  
 **Vinnie: Pa still awol?****

****Jim: Ya but im pretty sure i know where he might be and i need u to come with me** **

****Vinnie: Spooky darkness world?** **

****Jim: Dont call it that. Thats stupid** **

****Vinnie: Faster if u just come get me** **

****A few seconds later Jim had manifested from the standing shadow of the Sinnabun, the three hands not holding his phone flapping in agitation. He grimaced, ears low. So far he had been having a very bad day.

"Oof. Y' get any madder you'll fly away." Vinnie stated, referring to their brother's hands. 

"Uh-huh. Look I'm takin' y' home. Y' gon' give dad a hug. We all gon' go to… _Spooky Darkness World_ ," Jim groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose at the disappointment in saying his sibling's name for Nowhere out loud but continued speaking. "We gon' get Pa cuz he's doin' stupid shit I just _know_. And we all gon' have a nice fuckin' evenin' and I'm gon' sleep for a year and a half." Jim stated sternly, leaving no room for argument as he quickly pulled his sibling back through the shadow he'd stepped out of. 

Vinnie didn't even have time to process the change of scenery before they were being crushed in a set of four pink and white arms. They nearly pushed their father away until they noticed just how much he must have been crying for his mascara to be running so badly. Odd since he hadn't been wearing makeup when Vinnie had left. 

"Dad…" Vinnie began, feeling the need to say they were sorry.

"Don't you fuckin' apologize." Angel said quickly. "If you gotta be mad at me then be mad. That's your right. Just… Don't get pissed at Al too, okay? He'd've kept every single egg if he could've." 

Jim, a step away, noticed something off. "Dad, your eye…"

Angel backed off from Vinnie, a hand flying up to his left eye, wiping away the black substance. It was only under his left, so it wasn't mascara as Vinnie had assumed.

"Oh for fuck's sake!" Angel huffed.


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has their own agenda.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of them doing their own shit and im trying to keep up but fuck if i can focus enough to get it all down. Sorry about the wait...

Alastor wasn't sure what he expected when he led Lucifer to the non-place in Nowhere that Kalfu lived in. He certainly didn't know that Kalfu would be expecting them, but he had to have known somehow as he was waiting for them. The Loa had erected a table, made from bone and dressed in demon skin, and set it with three cups. 

"Ain't the angel I 'spected." Kalfu said, eyeing Lucifer who was ignoring him entirely to glaring at the table. "Damn shame. I like dat boy." 

"I think we've established I don't want my family near you. That includes my husband." Alastor snarked.

"All of that is made of my things." Lucifer said, pointing at the table. He then looked around, taking note of the several shelters and assorted furniture that was in sight. It wasn't much but after walking through nothing it nearly looked cluttered. "What the home! All of this is mine!" 

"Y' don't want shot stolen y' should ward it better. If y' can even find a way to ward against these." Kalfu answered, waving a hand carelessly behind him.

From the shelters emerged the other children, who quickly organized themselves in rows and stood in a semi-circle about ten feet away. Kalfu clicked his tongue and they all sat in unison. Like trained dogs, Alastor couldn't help but think and was enraged. He kept the anger off his face, ever smiling. A few actual dogs were pacing nearby, Legba's no doubt, there to keep the skitters from any physical harm but not much else it seemed. 

Lucifer squinted at them a moment before turning to Alastor. "I know I told you to make more but this is just excessive." 

"All were made at the same time and your input was not a factor." Alastor said dryly. "In any case I'm sure you would like to reclaim your property and I would like to bring my children somewhere that they will have more care than a handful of loveless guard dogs." 

"Oh that's why you brought me along!" Lucifer clapped, goddy for a reason Alastor couldn't fathom. 

"Now, now." Kalfu said, his voice level but still demanding attention. "Have a drink with me and we'll have ourselves a talk." 

Angel had been Nowhere but couldn't stay very long. He could handle it for about twenty seconds due to building up a tolerance from traveling through it to get to other placed with Alastor. Still, once those twenty seconds were up he got a headache. A full minute made it a migraine. Any more than that came with nausea. It didn't help that whatever was happening with his eye was just making things worse.

"Dad y' can go home whenever." Jim suggested. 

"I'm not lettin' you walk through Spooky Darkness World by yourselves." Angel grunted, his lower set of arms folded across his stomach and his upper one clamped firmly over his black-bleeding eye. He didn't even bleed black, so he wasn't sure if he wanted to know why it was that color. He knew Alastor bled black, but that only made him worry more about whatever his husband was doing and furthered his resolve to find him. He wouldn't even have brought the twins but Jim was the only one aside from Alastor who could reliably get Nowhere and back, and Vinnie wasn't letting their brother have any sort of adventure without them.

Vinnie snorted. "Dat's two votes."

"We're not calling it that!" Jim huffed. 

"Can't you just pop us over to Alastor, grab him, and pop home?" Angel asked.

"Only if I know 'xactly where he is." Jim corrected. "And here ain't friendly to directions. One reason why I hate bein' in it."

"Other is y' scared of the dark." Vinnie snarked, ducking away from where Jim tried to smack them. 

One stayed in her designated space, Two right next to her. She watched as Loa, Demon, and Archangel sat to talk about theft of all things. She was still festering in a quiet, betrayed sort of anger that she didn't really know what to do with. So she didn't do anything with it because she had been signalled to sit and wait. 

Apparently the Archangel wanted to take everything they had built into a home away, which Kalfu seemed to want to allow. It wasn't like the numbered couldn't just learn to eat where they brought prey down, letting it heal and coming home empty-jawed. That, as a Deal, sounded fair. Except it wasn't, because not all of them could step through shadows without help. Not all of them could hunt. Sickness happened so sometimes they couldn't leave Nowhere and those ones would need food brought to them or they would die. One's concerns were given voice by Alastor, to her surprise.

"You can't expect all of them to be able to survive like that." 

"De herd need's thinnin' anyway." Kalfu waved a hand, clearly not caring. "De strongest'll keep."

"If you would rather thin them out then why not just give them back to me?" Alastor asked, frustration starting to leak past the grin. 

The Archangel had mostly been listening but interjected. "Oh you don't want to keep the strongest!" He said, laughing. "You want the smartest. The ones who are able to think for themselves, not just order-followers. I had _so_ many disappointments before Charlie finally came into existence."

"You had children before Charlie?" Alastor asked, the shock of that momentarily breaking him from anger into confusion.

"Of course! I've been with Lilith since the downfall of human-kind. You think we haven't made more than one antichrist? Dullards, the lot of them." Lucifer sighed dramatically. "Not worthy of kicking off an apocalypse no matter how badly they wanted to. Charlie is the only one with enough autonomy to not even _want_ an apocalypse to happen." Lucifer laughed. "Not that it isn't slowly happening anyway."

One tuned out of the conversation after that, making a decision. She trusted her sibling would follow her. She just had to wait.

Kalfu, rolling the vial of blood between the fingers of his left hand hidden in his pocket, was also waiting. He didn't expect the devil to show up, so that was an unfortunate setback to the conversation he would rather be having. Still, he was a patient man and there was always a wait involved to get what you really wanted, as well as several trades back and forth. If nothing else at least Lucifer would serve as a good test to see just how strong the hybrids really were. 

Lucifer figured he could just grab his stolen property and leave, but he needed Alastor to get back to Hell and he was far too interested in how this all was going to play out.

Alastor, frustrated and worried, was doing his best to keep a cool head. It wasn't easy. He had to figure out how to get Angel's blood and the skitters out knowing full well he had nothing of worth to trade by comparison a resorting to trickery with the Loa who practically invented the idea of shady Deals was too likely to backfire. The holy knife he'd hidden in his sleeve was only insurance but he didn't know if it would really work. He had hoped that maybe bringing an Archangel as either collateral or a weapon could help smooth things along but Kalfu didn't even seem to care either way that the devil was there. If only he could figure out what Kalfu was actually planning in the long term. There didn't seem to be any one clear answer and it was driving Alastor right out of his mind.

"What de fuck do y' even want?!" Alastor finally roared, his composure finally snapping as he couldn't stand looking at his father's smug face without knowing the cause.

"Jar!" Angel called, staggering into the visible area, leaning heavily on Vinnie.

"Sheesh, Pa. Didn't think I'd ever hear that word come outta you." Jim said, stunned but too tired to further react.

Lucifer, unhelpfully, started giggling.

"You shouldn't be here." Alastor said, anger fading quickly to fear.

"But dey are." Kalfu said lightly. "Now we can negotiate."


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finale part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Putting the finale in two parts since it ended up kind of long. Warning for some sacrificial self harm.

Alastor took a deep breath through his nose, let it out slowly, then turned toward the bit of his family that was definitely not supposed to be here. He nearly told them to go home until he noticed the state of Angel's eye. He didn't bother asking, though he was worried. He knew close proximity to Met Kalfu could cause bloodshot eyes at best and burst tear ducts were common on contact. Still, for so much leakage to be focused solely on Angel's deathmark it was clear Kalfu was doing something deliberately.

"What do you want?" Alastor asked again, levelling his tone as he wasn't about to risk an offense with Angel and the twins in the danger zone. 

A few of the shelters fell away as more room was made at the extending ivory table, Kalfu easily bending what little matter there was to his will. There were now seats for Angel, Jim, and Vinnie, though Alastor noticed with disappointment that the others still seems expected, and complacent, to stay seated on the ground. 

"Think a bit. Y' smarter den dat." Kalfu said, not answering. 

"You take my children, say you were only after the blood, and still refuse to release them." Alastor pointed out. "You make no sense! As far as I can tell you're doing your best to hurt me." 

Kalfu rolled his eyes. "It ain't just 'bout _you_. Blood's strong. You know dis." Kalfu said, taking the vial he held out of his pocket.

Angel, by some unseen prompting began to rock himself in his chair, staring down at nothing. 

"Leave him alone." Alastor growled.

"I'm hardly doin' shit." Kalfu admitted. "He's mostly just reactin' to bein' here. Hell heals, lets him keep his mind even with a hole in it. Here, his healin' stops. He won't die, don't worry so much."

"Jim, take him home." Alastor ordered. "Vinnie too."

"Not without you." Jim huffed. 

"Should listen to y' boy." Kalfu advised.

"Can we go back to de hole in Dad's head?" Vinnie gawked. "Cuz what de fuck?" 

Kalfu ignored them, still solely focused on Alastor for now. "Y' stronger from my blood. All of dese," He gestured vaguely to the children, "Got my blood from you. And de blood dat came from you and Angel both been tainted from Hell. Ain't a perfect system but for de most part mixin' shit up can make for some pretty strong results." 

"Oh!" Lucifer chimed in. "Hybrids do turn out very interesting." He supplied, once again referring to Charlie.

"So all of dis is just some fucked up game." Vinnie said dryly. 

"I like Grandpa Henry better." Jim decided.

"You're just playing around breeding to see what happens?" Alastor asked, enraged and disgusted but holding his composure for now.

"Then why bother keeping Angel's blood?" Lucifer asked.

"I was gon' use it to get Alastor to take de angel wards off his Tower in a year or two. See if de kids could handle bringin' down anything with some divinity in it. Angel's blood traded for angel blood." Kalfu answered easily. "But since I got _you _here…" He snapped his fingers.__

__The branded veve on each of the Skitters' shoulders glowed briefly and the whole herd suddenly charged the table, seemingly intent on taking Lucifer on._ _

__The abilities of the hybrids were an unknown, so Lucifer quickly extended the six charred wings he usually kept hidden away. They were too permanently damaged to fly for any extended time, but it got him out of the immediate way. Unfortunately Lucifer had been at the same table as the rest, putting Angel, Jim, and Vinnie in the heart of the chaos._ _

__Vinnie shifted quickly, shielding their father and brother. Alastor, likewise, had clawed an arm open to use his blood to form a ring of tendrils to keep up some defense._ _

__Amidst the confusion, One turned. Instead of going for Lucifer as the order in her mind instructed, she veered quickly while Kalfu was distracted with observing, clamping her jaws around his arm and dragging him back._ _

__Stunned and shocked, Kalfu failed to react before a second of his charges, Twenty-Six had grabbed his other arm, causing him to drop the vial of blood. Jim caught it with a tendril of his own, having felt the disturbance in a sudden shift in how Angel was posturing himself. Vinnie, deciding their Papa and Brother would be able to keep their Dad safe enough, left the ring to help One and Twenty-Six keep Kalfu down._ _

__The Loa was only incapacitated for a moment, however, before the very darkness around him became suffocating. There was s crackle of red light, and Kalfu began to grow. Horns sprouted, hooves appeared, and soon in the place of what could have easily been mistaken for a human man was a massive red and black bull._ _

__Lucifer cackled, amused despite the danger he wad in. "So thats why artists keep drawing me red and horned! They were confusing you for me!"_ _

__The bull bellowed, tossing the hybrids off of him. Still, though many of the children were chasing Lucifer as ordered, a few had taken One's example. It helped only somewhat that Legba's dogs were adamant about keeping their many charges from bodily harm, but there was only so much that the spectral hounds could keep up with. The hounds also plainly had no obligation to Vinnie, doing nothing as they were tossed away, hitting the ground with a pained roar._ _

__Jim saw red. His magic surged under his skin so strongly it hurt, fueled by a rage. He'd seen his siblings in fights before and they had always come out bloodied but fine, standing proud even if they had lost. But now Vinnie was just laying there, still breathing but clearly knocked out cold. He was doing what he could with the magic he could use but there was more he couldn't reach. It was there, he could feel it, but how to let it out? He looked to Alastor, his papa always the teacher for these sorts of things, and noticed the deer bleeding as he himself shifted to lock his antlers with Kalfu's horns. Blood was strong, Kalfu had said. Jim needed to be strong._ _

__Before he could think too hard about it, Jim hooked his claws of all four hands into the crook of the opposite elbow, dragging them through his skin all the way to the wrist. He screamed, and he let the surge of raw magic pass through him, the black of his blood merging with the surrounding darkness to envelop everything. Including himself._ _

__Angel, Alastor, Vinnie, One, and a few of the other skitters woke up in the lobby some time later, the living among them cut and bruised but no worse for wear, and the dead among them healed just fine. Lucifer had stood with them for a while until they woke before going to find his daughter to tell her the plans to set fifty-eight rooms had been considerably shortened. The other skitters had survived as well, but since they had been trying to kill him he thought it best to bind them all to the Wrath circle and just avoid going there ever._ _

__Jim was unaccounted for, but Alastor could recognize the strong scent of freshly overturned earth. He didn't have to see the Baron to know he had stopped by._ _


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finale part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baron Samedi and Thirteen are in this one!

_"James Archimedes Landry."_

Jim jolted upright and pressed his palms to his eyes, only two of each. Odd, since for some reason he expected more. He didn't know why, but it seemed like too few. He groaned, a strong feeling of disappointment hitting him even though he didn't know the cause.

He was on the ground, the soils beneath him oddly soft as if it had just been turned. It was night. He looked up, noticing stars and the moon. Around him were the slow blinking lights of fireflies, and just a little ways away there was a gate. Past that were lights an people dancing and laughing, all in colorful clothes and beads and masks.

"Dey're waitin' for you." Said a soft voice from behind him.

Jim turned, seeing a man in lensless glasses leaning against a very close tombstone, with a skull painted on his face instead of a mask like the others. He grinned, waved, then offered his right hand. Jim was confused, but had the overwhelming feeling that he could trust whoever this man was. As he was helped to his feet, the man brushed him off Jim realized he had been laying on a fresh grave. 

"Baron Samedi!" The man introduced, taking his hat off. 

"I'm--" Jim began, but the Baron cut him off.

"Oh I know who y' are." Samedi assured, putting his hat back on and patting it down. "Who y' think de party for? C'mon!"

Jim never really liked parties, but this one seemed alright. He couldn't place why, he just knew he belonged somehow. So he let the Baron lead him past the gate. 

Almost immediately a girl latched onto his arm, her brown skin and black curls matching his own, which drew his attention to the fact that though he was without memory past his name, he had a strong feeling that he should have been covered in white and red fur. That was ridiculous though. People didn't have fur. Or four arms. Or six eyes. Or horns. Or… Jim lost track of his thoughts, his head foggy. The girl only smiled at him, her teeth flatter than expected. 

"Thirteen, don't crowd him. De boy ain't as social as you." Samedi scolded lightly, and the girl let go with a playful huff before spinning away a few steps.

She was wearing a lowbacked party dress, a detail Jim only took important notice of because for a moment she seemed to have wings. But it had to have been a trick of the light morphing his perception of the feathers tattooed on her back. Jim was sure he'd never met her before, but she still looked familiar somehow.

"Do I know you?" Jim asked her.

She answered with a wiggly hand motion that Jim understood to mean 'Sort of.' or 'Maybe' but said nothing out loud.

"She don't like talkin' much." Samedi explained. "Y' ain't met but she's y' sister. One o' quite a few. Bit fuckin' ridiculous how many dere are. And y' got just 'bout as many brothers."

"And others." Jim said quickly, then wracked his brain for why. All he managed to do was get another headache started.

Thirteen frowned, feeling the discomfort as her own. She reached out and splayed her hand over Jim's face, her middle finger on his forehead and her ring and index fingers resting on his eyelids. He instantly calmed, and Remembered.

"Shit…" Jim said as his memory settled. "I exploded." 

"Yeah." Samedi chuckled. "Y' did good do. And lucky dat what'cha are gives y' options."

"Options?" 

"I can put'cha back in my graveyard and let'cha rest. Y' can stay at dis party long as y' wannu til den." Samedi explained, picking a little skull bead out of his coat, hanging it off the pointer finger of his right hand. "Or I can take y' to Heaven. Borin' as shit up dere in my opinion but dere's some good ol' girls dat'd love to meet'cha." He passed the loop of string the bead hung from to a different finger, his pinky. He then clicked his tongue and passed the bead to his thumb. "Course, bein' partial Loa and with how strong y' magic is y' could spend a few hundred years alone with y'self to let it consume de mortal part of y' mind and den once dere's nothin' left but magic you'll be a whole Loa." 

Jim frowned, taking that in. It was a lot to process. He flapped his hands a few times, just to put his thoughts somewhere other than just his brain. He'd lived his whole life in a place typically reserved for the dead, so now that he apparently was dead he wasn't sure how to handle it. He knew if he had grown up as a regular kid he'd probably have chosen Heaven without a second thought. Then again he had been so tired the past few years. He was still so tired, so Rest seemed very appealing. He had no interest in letting his magic become him, even if some peace and quiet with himself sounded nice too. None of it was what he wanted, however. He just wanted to go home. 

"Do I gotta pick just Rest, Heaven, or Magic?" He asked, having an idea.

Baron Samedi cocked his head, catching on. "Y' really tryin' to go home?" He asked, tossing the bead up from his right hand and catching it in his left. "Y' didn't feel Hell right alive. Dead it's gon' hurt like a sonuva bitch." 

"I think I can get used to it." Jim shrugged. "Life hurts too, don't it?" 

"Ain't dat de fuckin' truth of it." Samedi agreed. "Y' old body oughta do… Gon' have to dig y' self out but it beats a fall." 

Jim didn't ask what that meant before the Baron tossed the bead to him. Jim caught it on instinct, but as soon as he touched it everything went dark again. He was back flat on his back, but instead of earth under him he felt wood. The air around him was stale, but after he'd snorted out the cotton plugs in his nose he could smell old pine. He'd been buried, he realised. 

He nearly panicked before remembering suffocation wouldn't be an issue anymore. He felt around for anything he could use to help himself out, finding not much aside from what felt like his drumsticks, a book, and a guitar pick which let him know there had definitely been a funeral. Absently he hoped nobody had cried too much, but was then annoyed by the fact he only had his claws to dig with and he had to get through the wood first.

It took hours but finally Jim was walking through the streets of Pentagram City in sore need of a shower. The Baron was right, Hell did hurt more when dead; Every breath felt like inhaling smoke and all of his joints ached, like his bones were wrapped in barbed wire. He also had new stripes on his forearms, blending in for the most part but glowing red if he thought about them. A deathmark, he could recognize, which was a weird thing to acknowledge. But he could get used to it. He would. That was the price for going home.

When he got there, the house was quiet. He wondered if anyone was home, as not even Nuggets had come to the door when it opened. Shrugging, Jim went to his room. He found both of his fathers asleep on his bed, Vinnie and Nuggets curled between them. Jim frowned, sympathetic for a moment before looking over to the calendar before speaking.

"Come on guys," He called, knowing all but Nuggets were light sleepers no matter how exhausted they were. "Y' can't go three days without bargin' in my room?" 

Jim joined his family on the bed, crushed by more arms than he could make sense of and no shortage of tears.

"Don't you ever fuckin' die again." Angel scolded. "Fuck, I couldn't do anything."

"You kept tellin' me to stop growin' up." Jim countered, getting a teary laugh from Alastor for it.

"Fuck you, Jim. Just fuck you." Vinnie huffed, trying not to let on that they were crying too. "With de business end of a rake, y' doggamn martyr." 

"Vulgar." Alastor huffed. "But if y' ever scare us like dat again I'm sellin' y' drums and y' can work to buy new ones y'self."

"Fair." Jim agreed. "And who put Tom Sawyer in my coffin?"

"Rizzo." Vinnie answered. "Guess she hoped you was bluffin'." 

"Oh no…" Jim sighed.

"She _howled,_ dude." Vinnie continued. 

"I better go apologize." Jim lamented, starting to get up.

"No." Angel protested, his arms locking. "I'm not lettin' go of either of my babies til you're both twenty."

"I was so sure you'd get to heaven." Alastor said quietly, reaching over to brush away stray dirt from his son's face. "Get to see y' grandmothers."

"I got to pick." Jim admitted. "Just wanted to come home."

"We're glad you're back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those unaware in The Adventures of Tom Sawyer where Tom attends his own funeral

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [That Distilled By Magic Sleights](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24415882) by [StormFireGirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormFireGirl/pseuds/StormFireGirl)




End file.
